I didn’t thank DH for the “lift”

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Been away this weekend with youngest DS to a little caravan park. Oldest teen stayed home and then on check out day DS and DH drove up so we could spend a few hours together, use the on site facilities and then take the kids for lunch. Got home and DH was huffy cos I didn’t thank him for the lift!

Honestly didn’t see it as him giving me a lift as we were doing stuff as a family. I ended up apologising and thanking him. It was a 30 minute drive for him. It wasn’t the easiest weekend as DS is autistic with complex needs, so was difficult on my own. Did not expect the huff!

Did DH thank you for looking after his challenging child on your own?

how is the marriage otherwise?

It’s broken down and I’m making plans to leave.

Is this typical behaviour?

We do normally say 'thanks for driving' to each other if it's 4 hours to Cornwall.or something but not 30 minutes to the shop or whatever!!

As PP said, has he thanked you for facilitating a relaxing weekend?

He did say I did really well all weekend and if anyone could take DS away on their own it was me. Just took me back that he huffed cos I didn’t thank him. We had had a whole conversation where it was agreed that DS and DH would join us on check out day.

So don’t waste your time navel gazing about this

focus on the bigger picture and channels your energies in to that

He had to work, otherwise we would have gone together.

you’re starting a thread about presumably a drop in the ocean

focus on the big picture

why? would have been awful for everyone

Yes that is true ☺️

Why?

Yes you are right. It’s these little interactions that make me question who is in the right? All building up to a bigger picture of course. I struggle after years of similar interactions if I’m in the wrong or is he.

We do thank each other for small things we do, such as driving, making dinner, cleaning,…I think appreciation is great in a relationship, however, your DH sulking is a bit over the top. It sounds like there are deeper issues from what you say, I guess you can either address these or go ahead with your plan to leave.

Was it always the plan for you and DS to go away without DH? Could you have gotten home another way without him?

I think if you booked it knowing it was just you two and DH would need to take you there and back, I'd be happy and thankful that he facilitated the trip and thank him. But if he dropped out of the trip and needed the car so by you leaving the car with him and giving him a quiet weekend to work, you did him the favour, so he would be grateful. But I'd probably still thank him for coming to pick us up.

I guess I didn’t see it as a lift as such but then both joining us in the holiday park. I did thank him but he acted like it was too little too late 🙈

It was a last minute trip - another family had cancelled and we found out the day before. DS and I made our own way down there. They are little caravans with ASD children in mind.

going on holiday as a “family”

when you are profoundly unhappy
marriage has broken down
you’re leaving him

sounds like the stuff of nightmares. For everyone

given you’re leaving him and the marriage has broken down

you shouldn’t even care what he thought

you should have just shrugged and got on with your day and let him fester

No wonder you're leaving him, childish prick.

what plans have you made?

It isn’t really about being wrong or right and who is to blame. You are both human so you’ll both do the wrong thing sometimes. It is more about whether you respect and love the person and want to continue living with them.

Oh, dear.
In that case, tell him to stick his "huff".
My husband is three decades older and here, weirdly, the "thank yous" keep the relationship
good.
Thank you for the lift, thank you for the dinner
(and being somewhat my carer), etc.
Difficult.
I love my husband, been together for 20+ years, but could just as well peacefully live on my own.
You ought to try it, OP.

But if it was a last minute trip, presumably it was something you wanted to do and knew he couldn't come?
Did him picking you up make life easier for you or would it have been the same if you made your own way home?

I do agree that since you're leaving him anyways, I wouldn't worry about his huffs, but I would have felt slightly put out of DH had chosen to go away for a weekend and didn't thank me for picking him up

I don’t blame you. This is just a tiny example of how his mind works and it would be a big no from me.

Would you sulk about it though?