Would you leave someone who wouldn't buy a home with you?

[Anotherdayanotherpizza]

Been with my partner for 4 years, lived together for 3.

It's become clear he doesn't want that sort of commitment with me.
Not sure how to feel about that? I don't want to be renting with him forever, I want us to be committed and progress together.

I admit it hurts, and I don't know what to think.
His friend just got engaged, I saw it on social media. I mentioned it to him and he sort of nervously laughed and changed the subject.

You both need to sit down and have an honest open chat.

It's fine if he doesn't want to 'settle down' and you do BUT you do both need to be honest and see if this chapter of your life is over.

To me it just sounds like he's there more out of habit than life partners.

Do you want kids OP? Does he?

I don’t know why you would even want to buy a house with someone like that. Put yourself first, if you are in a position to buy a property, do it on your own.

Did you discuss future plans before moving in together
No way would I have given up my independence without that

It partly depends on where you are in life. DH and I had been together for 5 years when we got engaged but I was only 23 and definitely wouldn’t have wanted to commit any younger than that. If you’re in your 30s, it’s a different dilemma.

Talk to him. You need to let him know how you're feeling about this. Don't take offense if he's not in the same place as you are and he's not ready to make a commitment to a joint mortgage. It's a big thing and you both have to very sure! If I were you, I'd consider buying somewhere small on your own if you can afford it.

Could the nervous laugh be that he’s hoping to surprise you soon? 🤞 If he isn’t sure yet, what is holding him back from being sure?

Taylor Swift’s lyric ‘And I’m pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free’ gets me every time. Buying a house is more of a commitment than marriage in my eyes because it can be so tough and complicated to sell, so I would want to know I was on the same page as DP any way before taking that step if marriage is a goal. Good luck OP, I’m sorry your feeling this way x

Sorry that you’re in this position, it’s not nice. Trust your gut with this, don’t let him use you as a roommate to keep his expenses low until he meets somebody he wants to commit to. It’s not you, it’s him, he’s clearly just a selfish piece of crap wasting your prime years. Get yourself a lovely room mate, go live life, give yourself the chance to meet your person.

I don’t think not wanting marriage and kids classes as not wanting commitment. My partner and I are very commited to each other but we don’t want kids together or to be married. We feel very strongly against both but We are what each other needs and I’ve never felt so secure in a relationship.

He’s holding you back and dragging you down.

Buy your own place and bin him off.

If you've been together seven years and he doesn't want to marry or be tied to you financially, he isn't going to change his mind. If marriage and home ownership with a man is something you want, this is not the right person.

That's fine as long as you are in agreement. The thing is that if OP wants marriage, and she implied that she does, this guy is not for her.

I agree. But my point was aimed more at no kids or no marriage being classed as more of a casual arrangement. Her saying after 4 years it’s a absolute joke but if he doesn’t want that he may be happy 4 years in living together, that’s why she’s got to decide what she wants. If they haven’t had the talk then how would he know what she wants or expects?