Would you leave someone who wouldn't buy a home with you?

[Anotherdayanotherpizza]

Been with my partner for 4 years, lived together for 3.

It's become clear he doesn't want that sort of commitment with me.
Not sure how to feel about that? I don't want to be renting with him forever, I want us to be committed and progress together.

I admit it hurts, and I don't know what to think.
His friend just got engaged, I saw it on social media. I mentioned it to him and he sort of nervously laughed and changed the subject.

I don't think it's a joke. Many people are uninterested in progressing to marriage and kids. That is not a character flaw.

If you want something more, it sounds as though you will have to seek it elsewhere.

Time to move on as he’s just waiting until someone better comes along.

It isn't a joke. He just wants different things from you. That's perfectly ok but you both need to be clear what you want, so you can walk away and find what you are looking for elsewhere.

It doesn't sound like you want the same things

Have you had a proper conversation about how you want to buy a house together or get married?

You need to talk to him and be ready to break it up.

Don't get sucked into the sunk costs fallacy. Get out now and find someone who does want to be with you and commit. Don't waste any more of your valuable time with this person. Life is too short.

If I were in this position, I’d be more concerned with the absence of an engagement than the absence of a mortgage, TBH. And if I were in this position, I would start looking for a property to buy on my own. I wouldn’t let his indecision prevent me from getting my foot on the housing ladder.

So you have been together for 4 years and when you mentioned his mate getting engaged he laughed nervously and changed subject.... and he doesn't want to buy with you.
Sounds like he isn't sure about you.

Start looking at what you can buy alone and when you’ve found some to view let him know that’s what you’re doing and see what reaction you get. Either it’ll make him reassess and realise he wants to buy with you or it won’t - either way you’ll have your answer on his level of commitment and will end up a homeowner either single or joint at the end of it.

4 years is long enough for him to know, he isn't seeing this as a 'long term' relationship as he's not future planning, sorry OP x

How old are you OP? Do you want kids? I know this is about houses but if he won't commit to this not going to be a good bet on children.

Don't do this

Please buy your own place and move into it. I don’t think trust is the issue here. He won’t think you’ll do this, so it will either shock him into a reaction or end the relationship - but then you can find someone better who wants the same commitment as you.

Anotherdayanotherpizza · Yesterday 22:27
I can afford to buy something small on my own, it's the fact that after years he clearly doesn't trust me enough to want to enter into a mortgage with me.

It's horrible, a slap in the face, but at least you know now. It would be even worse after 5, 6, 7 years
I would buy your place, continue your life plan, and think about wether he has a place in it.

It seems clear that you want different things from life. Don't waste your life waiting for him to change because if after living together for 3 years he has decided he doesn't want to make a life with you move on and find someone who does want to. You will find someone who shares your goal and you will be happier. Don't let him hold you back

There is nothing unusual or wrong in having different priorities, but in your case these seem ones you cannot compromise on. Painful as it probably will be, perhaps time to end the relationship.

I think if you're young and want to get on the property ladder, I would call time on this relationship. If the situation was that you were both older and he already owned a house, I can see why he wouldn't want to give up that security to start again buy with you, but it doesn't sound like this is the case.

I would leave him and buy my own place . Three years is long enough to know if you want to commit to someone. If you want kids in the future don't keep hanging on .

You are a will do for the moment GF.

It happens more often than you think, very much akin to that film he is just not that in to you. Men overall will absolutely go for it if they are in to you. You haven’t stated your age op but as you want childrne don’t hang about hoping he will change his mind.

When DH and I returned from our honeymoon, two of my close friends who attended with their boyfriends of the time had broken up. We were all around 30 and when others starts to settle round you it concentrates the mind and it’s not always the outcome that was expected.

The question is why are you here telling us everything you need to tell him?!

Go and tell him how you feel then update us!

He is literally wasting your time at the moment and that’s soo selfish of him

How old are you both OP?

Tricking your partner into hanging on in the hope of marriage and chilren when you have no intention of moving on to that is a very nasty character flaw. Deception is not oK.

Go for it. His attitude is hurtful, but you can still make good decisions for your own future, and there other men in the world.

He's just not that into you.
Sorry op, move on.

Maybe he’s planning a surprise proposal?