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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband following racy insta accounts

26 replies

Annmarie2640 · 06/07/2024 20:44

I recently discovered that my husband is following a few very racey accounts on Instagram, while I was scrolling down through his list of followers I came across a couple of private accounts of women (again wearing very little)that he was following who were not friends within our friendship circle!

I asked him why he was following the racy
Accounts and how did he know the women with the private accounts that he was following, first he said he wasn't following them, when I pointed out that clearly he was he said that he probably added them when he was in the pub and said he was hardly ever on social media when he is, and then finally he said I know what your trying to do here and walked away from the conversation very annoyed.

I decided to look at his list of Facebook friends and it was no surprise that he had added quite a few female friends on Facebook who had the same profile as the women on Instagram. But I noticed that one of the women that he was following on insta he was also friends with on Facebook

I found the conversation harder to approach second time round simply because I really don't like confrontation and I was worried that we were only going to end up arguing. I explained to him that I had some unanswered questions and I needed clarification, he said that random women had sent friend requests that he accepted, I asked how come all the women had the same or similar look, such as leaning into the camera lense with alot of cleavage on display He said that I was trying to make out that he was something that he wasn't, when I asked why he was following racy insta accounts he simply said " I like boobs". The conversation ended with him walking away.

I'm just at my witts end over it all, there's so much that just doesn't stack up and with no explanation about any of it Its really taking its toll on my mental health and i am finding it hard to think about anything else. Am I just expected to move on from it all while he continues to follow these accounts..

OP posts:
GiveOverAndOver · 06/07/2024 20:49

Hes a pig. And it's not a healthy relationship if you feel the need to check on who he's following.

turnipsarelush · 06/07/2024 20:54

My ex did this. It's disgusting

BabySnarkDoDoo · 06/07/2024 20:54

The fact you can't talk to him about this without fearing an argument is a red flag. It's perfectly possible for a married man to follow a racy insta of a woman because he 'likes boobs' and there be nothing more nefarious, but within a committed relationship, you'd expect him not to just dismiss his wife's feelings like that.

cupcaske123 · 06/07/2024 20:56

It's taking a toll on your mental health?

Annmarie2640 · 06/07/2024 20:58

I recently found out that while we were dating (long distance) he was seeing someone else, and they were engaged. I think that's what made me look at his friends list, I do genuinely hate that I've become that person that snoops on her husbands account looking for answers that he won't give me.

OP posts:
Feelingmentallyunsettled · 06/07/2024 22:31

He obviously sees nothing wrong with his behaviour.
He doesn't care about your feelings.
He is not truthful.
You can't have proper discussions with him.
Do you really see a future in your relationship with him because he won't change?

TwattyMcFuckFace · 06/07/2024 22:35

They're probably bots, but he sounds like a twat anyway.

Scammersarescum · 06/07/2024 22:49

Annmarie2640 · 06/07/2024 20:58

I recently found out that while we were dating (long distance) he was seeing someone else, and they were engaged. I think that's what made me look at his friends list, I do genuinely hate that I've become that person that snoops on her husbands account looking for answers that he won't give me.

If he hid a secret fiance from you, he's not going to be fazed by illicit contact with women online.

Calamitousness · 06/07/2024 22:51

Don’t let anyone blind side you into going down the ‘you’re a suspicious nightmare for looking at your husbands phone’ route. You were right to be suspicious and he’s a creep.
I agree these are probably fake accounts and nothing likely to have actually happened irl. But it’s massively disrespectful and I couldn’t get over that. Also the way he is dismissing your perfectly valid feelings is unacceptable.

FauxOutrage · 06/07/2024 22:54

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Annmarie2640 · 06/07/2024 22:58

My main concern is not so much the racy insta accounts that he follows but because i found out about it, I then noticed all the women he became friends with on Fb, which is fine too, only the women are wearing next to nothing in the pics, no mutual friends, but they live in our locality!! But according to him they are all random women who sent him friend requests, Facebook is a bit different imo you don't just send a random friend request to someone unless you know the person, he has used dating sites before we were married, I honestly think there's a possibility he met them there and added them on fb

OP posts:
FauxOutrage · 06/07/2024 22:59

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

loropianalover · 06/07/2024 23:00

Annmarie2640 · 06/07/2024 20:58

I recently found out that while we were dating (long distance) he was seeing someone else, and they were engaged. I think that's what made me look at his friends list, I do genuinely hate that I've become that person that snoops on her husbands account looking for answers that he won't give me.

Erm surely the fact that you were the other woman while he was engaged is the main issue here? Why are you with this angry cheater again?

Annmarie2640 · 06/07/2024 23:05

I don't feel like I'm chastising him but to add a little more context to the situation one of the women thst he is following turned 18 in Feb, he's a 43 year old man, personally it doesn't sit well with me, I have pointed this out to him.

OP posts:
Calamitousness · 07/07/2024 05:56

He’s a creep. I doubt very much that these FB women are real and in your area. Like someone else said it will be a scam. I get loads of fake FB requests from men. I just block and delete. My husband gets loads from women that are ‘racy/sleazy’ but he blocks and deletes. He knows none of it is real and he’s not a creep. Yes, the 18yr old horrific that he thinks this is ok. Good luck OP. This would really change my opinion of someone I loved. Not sure I could get over it.

Annmarie2640 · 07/07/2024 07:20

I would say that your right there's definetly a few that probably are scam accounts, but then there's a few women that he is friends with on Facebook and Instagram where he follows them and they follow him, when I look into pictures apart from the racy photos there's other pics on their pages of them with their child or going on holidays, just everyday things, could they possibly be scam accounts too or bots? I'd be relieved it was it would be one less to have to worry about

OP posts:
TheSerenePinkOrca · 07/07/2024 07:31

It's the online version of The Sun page 3.

I don't see the issue of him looking. Did you find any messages between and the booby women? I'd only be pissed off if I found my DH messaging random women. If he wants to look at online boobies then that's up to him.

Fargo79 · 07/07/2024 07:33

It's really disrespectful and the fact he's ogling barely legal teenagers is fucking gross.

Unfortunately it doesn't sound like it's out of character. He seems to just be a sleazy, dishonest man. And you don't feel able to have a conversation with him because you fear his reaction. So it's difficult to advise because what you really want is for him to just be a different man. Which is understandable; he's awful. But you're on a hiding to nothing. He is what he is. You can't change him. So you need to decide if this is the relationship you want to be in for the rest of your life or not.

Copperoliverbear · 07/07/2024 07:49

You get lots of requests on FB and Instagram even I do as a woman obviously I delete the request, I can't work out if they're fake people trying to pull you into a scam or are they actual women that once you chat to them they offer a private show for money.

Annmarie2640 · 07/07/2024 07:53

loropianalover · 06/07/2024 23:00

Erm surely the fact that you were the other woman while he was engaged is the main issue here? Why are you with this angry cheater again?

100% your right, it is a big issue, it was the catalyst that made me concerned in the first place, its just one thing after another and I have my children to think about and how it all impacts them whatever decision I make

OP posts:
Annmarie2640 · 07/07/2024 08:01

TheSerenePinkOrca · 07/07/2024 07:31

It's the online version of The Sun page 3.

I don't see the issue of him looking. Did you find any messages between and the booby women? I'd only be pissed off if I found my DH messaging random women. If he wants to look at online boobies then that's up to him.

I get this I do, alot of men look at imagines online it's not uncommon. Personally having a public account where your family, friends and your wife can see the content that your exploring online, is a bit too in your face for me. He has an older daughter in her twenties who could potentially see this too. tbh I've never gone through his phone and I don't really want too.

OP posts:
TheSerenePinkOrca · 07/07/2024 08:33

Annmarie2640 · 07/07/2024 08:01

I get this I do, alot of men look at imagines online it's not uncommon. Personally having a public account where your family, friends and your wife can see the content that your exploring online, is a bit too in your face for me. He has an older daughter in her twenties who could potentially see this too. tbh I've never gone through his phone and I don't really want too.

But people don't hide their copy of The Sun newspaper...

They don't read it whilst hiding in the bathroom...

People sit in public and homework reading The Sun, and we all know what's on page 3.

Personally the photos just make me laugh as I think they look odd, but clearly some people like them.

Annmarie2640 · 07/07/2024 08:43

TheSerenePinkOrca · 07/07/2024 08:33

But people don't hide their copy of The Sun newspaper...

They don't read it whilst hiding in the bathroom...

People sit in public and homework reading The Sun, and we all know what's on page 3.

Personally the photos just make me laugh as I think they look odd, but clearly some people like them.

Edited

Ah come on now, are we talking about a man or a man child here with the 'copy of the sun'

You can't interact with a picture of a page 3 girl in a newspaper.

You can interact or communicate with a woman who shares provocative images online that you are friends with or follow which has the potential to escalate further.

OP posts:
TheSerenePinkOrca · 07/07/2024 08:49

Annmarie2640 · 07/07/2024 08:43

Ah come on now, are we talking about a man or a man child here with the 'copy of the sun'

You can't interact with a picture of a page 3 girl in a newspaper.

You can interact or communicate with a woman who shares provocative images online that you are friends with or follow which has the potential to escalate further.

By purchasing the paper you are technically interacting and supporting it...

Liking a post isn't messaging someone.

If he had been messaging these women directly then that would be completely different.

SantasRubiksCube · 07/07/2024 10:05

The more you revealed about him, the worse he got. Rather then listening to you trying to tell him your uncomfortable with it, he just walks away like a brat. He sounds like a right winner, looking at sexy pictures of a girl who's just turned 18 when he has a daughter who's in their 20s sounds rank. He's going to do what he wants regardless of how it makes you feel op.

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