I can do / if you like

[Nanaboots]

Am I being u reasonable to say I hate those answers ? They really get my goat.

my DS’’s partner is always so 🤷🏼‍♀️ when I offer food or drink, “would you like a cup of tea” is answered with “if you like” well I’m sorry I don’t care have one or not.! Then the ‘ would you like a biscuit with the tea “ no smile and “ oo yes please or no thankyou” it’s a consideration at the idea then “ I could do” ffs

last night at dinner I offered the plate of garlic bread and I got “ mmmm well I can do go on then” then when offered seconds on the lasagne the reply was “ if you would like “. Again I don’t care, yes or no, it’s not difficult and certainly not doing me any favours.

this morning my neighbour popped in just as I was making coffee so I offered her one her response “ if you would like me to have one I can do “ 😡 just say yes please or no thank you, I don’t care !111

I've literally never met anyone who does this

I think you need a lie down.

when I visit people if they offer me a drink ill
say if you’re making one I will (but otherwise I’m ok or I’ll have a glass of water) - I don’t want them to feel they have to feed and water me!!

YANBU, wishy washy

Yes, 100% agree. I also feel the same when DH says "sure" to something... It needs to be either a solid yes or no for tasks that are off no benefit to me to do for him! (light hearted)

Ooh go on then!

Similar vibes -

"Would you like a cuppa?"
"If you're making one..."

Well, I am making one if you want one, you numpty.

I assume if someone offers me refreshments, they are happy to follow through with the offer, so will either say yes please, or no thank you accordingly.
If someone responded the way you have described, I would have to say something.

Really?
How annoying. I just say yes please or no thanks.

Can't stand all this waffling !!

F for the agita.

I've never heard either phrase in the situations you describe, OP, but I've heard both together in the context of something like this, "Can you meet on site tomorrow at 10am?". Reply of "I can do if you like", which makes sense to me.

I don't understand people answering questions requiring a yes please or no thank you with anything other than those responses. People are strange...

No, I'm not making one actually.

That would shut 'em up

I think people do it out of politeness. I used to do it when I was younger actually, I didn’t like putting people out with time/food etc, I was always second guessing if they had enough time or enough to share. Overthinking! I’m not like it now and can see now how it’s annoying (and I find it annoying when others do it!) , but at the time when I used to do it I really didn’t see how annoying it was.

Best way to flatter the asker is to say "I'd love one". I find this works a treat when offered anything.

I dont think I’m annoying with it, just f I definitely want one I’d say yes but if I’m not bothered don’t boil the kettle just for me !

Are you really scary?

This is a standard response though. The person is trying to not be an imposition and is saying don’t go out of your way for me unless you’re already doing it.

Yes I utterly hate it. It’s like faux consideration- they don’t want one really but they are humouring you and will drink/ eat it undet sufferance- and it’s completely annoying. In reality I don’t care if they eat/ drink, it’s no skin off my nose either way, and it’s really very easy to say “yes please that would be lovely” or “no thanks, I’m fine/ I’ve just had a coffee/ eaten something but thanks for the offer”.

It must be a regional thing. I’ve never heard anyone say those things.

Of course I'm not already doing it. If I were, you'd see me with my mug in hand when you arrived.

If making tea or coffee is not something I were prepared to do, I wouldn't ask. When I'm offered a cuppa, I say "yes please," or "no, I'm fine, thank you," (or even, "may I have a glass of water instead, please") depending on whether I want one.

It's not like it involves climbing a mountain to pick the beans and roast them, it's putting the kettle on.

I think it's ok, as long as the person genuinely means it.

"Only if you're making one" means you're not going to get one if I was just offering to be polite, only if I was already going to make one for myself. So don't look annoyed if it results in you not getting one!

If you would actually like one, the answer is "yes please"

I used to find this annoying - there are a lot of people in my family who can't say 'yes' to an offer, even if it's something they clearly want. Eg an offer of tea will get the reply 'Oh don't worry, I can make it.' It always infuriated me.

I've learned to think about it a bit differently though. It occurs to me that some people, for whatever reason, have learned that they can't be direct about accepting offers or otherwise saying what they want. Maybe (like my dad) they were taught as children that it's rude to take too much from a host or, more sinisterly, that it somehow puts you in a 'one down' position in terms of power / hospitality 'points'. Maybe, like a friend of mine, they are just really anxious about seeming like a burden. Maybe they've had experience of people in their lives offering them things with 'strings attached' which makes them wary of saying yes.

I now try to think that it's a bit like learning to communicate with someone in a different language. People have their own habits of communication. In my case I tend to just accept it's their way of expressing themselves now rather than railing against it. After all... we know what they mean! (hopefully).

YABU

They are saying yes but trying not to come across as rude or grabby.

They’re obviously not comfortable enough with you yet to be more blunt and don’t want to be an inconvenience.

"if you would like me to have one I can do"

No one speaks like this.

"Ooh go on then" is fair enough. "If you like" would really annoy me, and I think I would actually have not given her a second helping of lasagne.

(I am assuming that she has enough command of the language and enough experience of the society to know that this is not a generally-accepted Polite response to an offer of food)

Arghh I feel your pain. I have a friend similar to this...

Her: Where do you want to eat?
Me: How about here?
Her: Dunno. Could do

Her: Do you want to meet up this week?
Me: Yes, what do you fancy doing?
Her: Dunno. Think of something
Me: OK, how about we go swimming?
Her: Dunno. Let's see

Her: Do you fancy meeting at the beach later?
Me: Yes, what time?
Her: Dunno. This afternoon at some point. I'll let you know

afternoon comes and goes, don't hear from her, get into pyjamas for the night

8pm:
Her: I'm here now, are you coming?