I can do / if you like

[Nanaboots]

Am I being u reasonable to say I hate those answers ? They really get my goat.

my DS’’s partner is always so 🤷🏼‍♀️ when I offer food or drink, “would you like a cup of tea” is answered with “if you like” well I’m sorry I don’t care have one or not.! Then the ‘ would you like a biscuit with the tea “ no smile and “ oo yes please or no thankyou” it’s a consideration at the idea then “ I could do” ffs

last night at dinner I offered the plate of garlic bread and I got “ mmmm well I can do go on then” then when offered seconds on the lasagne the reply was “ if you would like “. Again I don’t care, yes or no, it’s not difficult and certainly not doing me any favours.

this morning my neighbour popped in just as I was making coffee so I offered her one her response “ if you would like me to have one I can do “ 😡 just say yes please or no thank you, I don’t care !111

I had an ex who would answer like this. It comes across as really rude and ungrateful but I think he was trying to appear unbothered so that he didn't put people out. It really annoyed me though!

How on earth does 'yes please' come across as rude or grabby?

Is this a British thing?

I say it all the time, can't help it. I just don't like saying yes/ no.

Normally if I say no, they say are you sure? I don't mind/ go on etc.

Can I add "not really," as an answer to a question that needs a yes or no reply! Drives me nuts!

YANBU. My husband does this all the time and it drives me nuts, but I always make him
clarify!

Sounds like neurodivergent literal thinking.

“You can come if you want”

I hate the vague "sure"

I don’t mind “Oh go on then” but my partner does sometimes say “If you like” and it’s so annoying. It’s not whether I like, it’s if you like! If you’d like a cup of tea then I’m happy to make you one, but I’m not going to make one for you for my own pleasure!

It’s interesting that PPs have flagged this as a sign of not wanting to impose on others or not comfortable saying what they want. I normally hate thinking that I’ve put someone out or inconvenienced them but even I have no trouble saying “Yes please” or “No thank you” if I’m offered a cup of tea.

How do you negotiate your way through life if you can't manage Yes or No to something as mild as "would you like a cuppa?" The stakes don't get much lower.

It’s better than “if you are” ( make your own mind up!)

I find life stressful enough without being responsible for deciding whether someone actually wants a cup of tea or not. Just say what you mean.

Agree. A v close friend is like this. Drives me mad. Is it code for "I don't want to but don't want to say" I've just started to make decisions & crack on

I've managed so far. As I said even when I say no, I'm then persuaded. So just say, if you are making one or can do. It's really not difficult adding a few extra word or two for something I'm not really fussed about.

No idea, why you have to be so rude.

I'm not trying to be rude, I'm bemused. Boggled, even.

How can someone go through life avoiding yes or no? I can't see why having or not having a hot drink offered to you would be difficult.

If saying Yes and No bothers you, especially about something so trivial, doesn't doing so at work, or with family, or about Christmas arrangements? How do you get what you want - or more importantly, avoid what you don't want?

DH does this.
Me: do you want a biscuit?
Him: can do
Me: well, yes, you can, but the question is do you want one?
Him: go on then

It's annoying. I refuse to accept it as an answer. He either answers the question or he goes without. But he does have a wider habit of always answering a question he wasn't actually asked rather than the one he was asked, so he has issues around communication (his mum apparently would sulk and walk out of the house if people didn't say what she wanted when he was growing up, so I think he tries to avoid conflict with his answers,).

Yeah annoying

This is the one I hate because then I feel I have to have one, even if I don't want one, just so the visitor feels comfortable to have one🤦

It's avoidant behaviour that puts all the responsibility on you, I have a relative that does this. Just put the kettle / biscuits down and say "OK, let me know when you decide" with a smile.

I'm teaching my ND son that Yes please or No thanks are the only polite options.

I say this to be polite:
It translates as "if you're having one I'll have one but don't make an effort on my behalf".
I say it to be polite l!

Yes it drives you mad. Offer once. If you get one of these responses then make your own decision. Otherwise its like parenting a grown adult

It's a side effect of being a people pleaser, used to be me. Trying to leave the decision to the other person because the idea of asserting yourself and saying yes or no is so SO unappealing. It's a hard habit to break.

I say 'if you like' sometimes, but only to a specific type of question. My DH is lovely and does a lot of things for me - but about half the things he does I'm either not that bothered about or actually don't want him to do. So he will ask me if I want the curtains shut, I'm not bothered about shutting them and wouldn't have done it, so I say 'if you like'. Or he will ask me if I want him to put the kettle on for boiling water for the pasta. I'm actually not ready to put the pasta on yet, I will have plenty of time to do it once I've finished doing what I'm doing, and actually it would be good if he would just stop faffing around and get out of the kitchen, so I say 'if you like'.

What he does get annoyed about though is if he asks if I want tomato sauce with my meal, or a biscuit with my coffee and I'm not sure, so I say 'probably'. It means I'm not sure and I might, so please put the tomato sauce on the table or bring the biscuit box with the coffee, and I will make up my mind later.

My husband does this all the time. It's like indecisiveness. Drives me mad. When he says "if you like" I say "well I'm not asking for my health" 😂