Teenagers and eating at other peoples houses

[Whateveryouwant1]

So tell me if IBU
I don't begrudge feeding anyone but I do have an issue with how it is conducted.
Dd invites friend (bf if that has any bearing) round and she will then give him food in the kitchen that we've had as our family meal about 10mins before. It's not on a plate just picking at stuff and telling him to eat it.
Now I find this quite rude either sit down and have food with us or don't but stop standing picking at our food leftover from our meal. I do understand that my dd is partly to blame here and I have had a word.
But is this how it is these days or is it rude?

I don’t understand what you mean by picking at stuff and eating it but it’s not on a plate? Anyway, if your DD is the one giving him the food, why would he consider what he’s doing to be rude?

Is it leftovers, does she think it will just be thrown away?

They refuse to eat with you then pick at the leftovers? Sounds like strange behaviour. Perhaps he's shy? Could you plate up two extra meals and leave them for them to have later?

Nope always use up leftovers even if I just make a soup out if it.
I see what you're saying about my dd but bf always looks a bit embarrassed to be eating it. God have I raised a feeder?!
Maybe bf does feel its rude too but does it as my dd is telling him to?
Either way round doesn't sound good 🙄

It's rude and rather gross. I wouldn't want someone picking at the food I've cooked in my kitchen, and your daughter isn't being a very good host. If her boyfriend wants to eat, she can offer him a plate and he can sit down properly. It's your home, op, so make the rules and stick by them.

The teens don't have to eat with everyone else, but they can, at the minimum, make a plate, sit somewhere, and not stand and pick at the food like little vultures.

How old is he and what's his home life like? My son used to have a friend round who always asked my son to come down and get snacks but it turned out this child had a rather chaotic home life and wasn't being fed properly.

Don't blame him, he is only doing what she says is acceptable. Maybe he does want a plate of food but she doesn't offer, so he just has no choice but to pick. Hence why he looks embarrassed! Just tell her, 'when he comes round give him something on a plate if he's hungry. I don't wants other people's fingers or utensils in the family's leftovers, it's unhygenic.'

What do you mean by picking at stuff? Like taking a spoon of lasagne and just eating it on the spot or picking at a chicken drumstick? Is she just handing him bits to eat in the kitchen??

So you all eat while he's there and then she feeds him leftovers like a pet dog. Doesn't anyone actually offer for him to sit and eat with you?

this isn't clear op - what happens at meal times why isn't he there?

I'm somewhat confused.

Do you invite him to sit and he says no, then eats afterwards?

If yes, why not leave him a plate of something on the side?

Have you told your daughter picking about in the food is poor form?

It sounds like your daughter wants to be hospitable to her guest by offering food but doesn’t have the social skills to do it properly.

Typical teen! The problem is her and the answer is to teach her how to host a guest / friend in her parents house, basic manners and tactics. Nice opportunity to train her for handling this when she has her own home one day.

Do you not offer him a plate and to join you? Does he arrive just as you finish dinner every time? Does he sit in another room while you eat?

This is confusing.

It wouldn't bother me. Lots of teenagers prefer to graze on their own terms rather than sit down for family meals. If communication and relationships are otherwise positive I wouldn't be uptight about eating. I certainly wouldn't begrudge them the leftovers 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why is there so much leftovers? Every meal time? Isn’t that incredibly wasteful or do you have a problem with portions?
It’s odd but your DD is the problem. I couldn’t imagine standing in someone else’s kitchen picking at leftovers. It sounds grim 🤢

Not loads of leftovers everyday as I try to cook one day for lasting two so I don't have to cook everyday. So that's another reason I don't like picking - messes up my next day dinner plans.
Bf(17) turns up after dinner even though invited to be with us for dinner.
Looks like I need to give my dd some coaching on hosting.

DD problem. She's feeding him. You said he looks uncomfortable.

Ask if he's hungry (or just assume he is) tell them to sit down and put food out on plates for them. Bustle a bit, I'll just get the plates you sit here, you sit here... make it non-negotiable.

Tell him/DD if he doesn’t want to eat dinner with the family then he needs to eat dinner at home instead of DD getting him to pick from the free buffet

If your daughter is just handing him random bits of your leftovers, then yes. I'd be telling your daughter he either joins you all for dinner or prepares him a plate of food.

If there's food you don't want home to have, why don't you offer him something he is allowed to eat.

Surely if he turns up after donner and you/dd are happy to feed him, you make him a plate and hand it over?! I really don't understand why she's giving him nibbles.

If he’s not coming to time for dinner he doesn’t get to eat. Tell your DD and him what you’ve old us. A few days of nothing left over might teach them both a lesson