Teenagers and eating at other peoples houses

[Whateveryouwant1]

So tell me if IBU
I don't begrudge feeding anyone but I do have an issue with how it is conducted.
Dd invites friend (bf if that has any bearing) round and she will then give him food in the kitchen that we've had as our family meal about 10mins before. It's not on a plate just picking at stuff and telling him to eat it.
Now I find this quite rude either sit down and have food with us or don't but stop standing picking at our food leftover from our meal. I do understand that my dd is partly to blame here and I have had a word.
But is this how it is these days or is it rude?

She’ll probably laugh at this in a few years but it all sounds a bit ‘awkward’. I’d suggest that after the meal she makes him a plate up rather than the rather odd picking at the leftover carrots and pulling the wing from the chicken carcass.

But I don’t understand why you’re blaming him? He doesn’t steal food whilst your daughter is upstairs. She is willingly giving it to him and telling him to eat it.

Am I thick because I still don’t understand the situation here 🤣 you sound cross with him but then say he’s uncomfortable? Isn’t he just doing what DD tells him in her house, he probably thinks that’s the way it’s supposed to be?

I think that this is a dd problem.

Is bf turning up hungry ?

Or is he asking what she had for dinner because it smells good in your house when he arrives ? (I would do this regardless of hunger) Is dd offering food because of this ?

How much is he eating ?

Is the problem that they are eating directly from the leftovers container rather than putting on a plate for hygiene reasons ?

This is not on the BF your daughter is the weird one. If he's hungry put some food on a plate like a normal person.

I don’t understand it much either. Are the leftovers cold mashed potato and a half eaten fish finger or a casserole dish with half the contents still in it.

It's your dd who is acting weirdly. If she offers him food it should be served on a plate and they need to sit down in the kitchen. Anyone family or stranger picking on my my oft over cooking would drive me NUTS.

It's good writing it down and seeing others responses.
I'm not mad at either of them I just don't understand why they do that (dd has eaten dinner with us already) and I just find it rude from both of them
Think I'll take a more active roll in saying you're welcome to eat but please make up a plate/bowl and sit down with it. It's not the food I have an issue with just the way it's eaten.

Have a chat with your DD. Surely he would come on time for dinner if he wanted to eat. If he doesn't then that means he didn't want to eat with you guys.

Just make a plate ready for him to eat for when he arrives.
I do that for the girlfriends/boyfriends I ask if they'll be here for dinner if they say they are coming later I always make enough for them to eat when they arrive, if they have eaten already I save it for the next day.

He may look embarrassed to be eating because you are standing there looking at him. I'm sure your dd is not force feeding him. Leave him a plate and leave him alone

Your money, your food , your house, your rules.
Just tell your daughter what food is acceptable for her boyfriend.
If not as PP said make him a plate and pack away the rest of the leftovers. I dont know why they're even sitting out for so long!

I'm sure MN will make up some nonsense about him having a chaotic home life blah2 but he's there to see his girlfriend, not to eat. Its not your responsibility to feed him. They can help themselves to snacks and things.

I also meal plan and would be very pissed off at someone eating my leftovers and messing it up

Also this!

I also will cook extra one day to reinvent into another meal the next, will cook a large chicken to make a pie 2nd day or extra veg todo bubble and squeak. But I don’t like the thought of “left overs” 😂. I cook extra and leave in the pans when I serve then pack into containers when I clean the kitchen, no one has touched it only me cooking and serving.

the thought of daughter or BF picking and messing with the rest of the food would turn my stomach, in affect turning it into leftovers, which to me is scrapes on the plate ie dirty food. If you get what I mean.

I would be cross because to me that food would now be unusable for the next day, unless he used a fork and didn’t double dip I suppose. But then it would bugger up the quantities and wouldn’t be enough ?

either way, no I would be cross, he can come for dinner and eat with you, or she can make him some toast or a sandwich

Your DD is TOTALLY to blame here. It's her house and she's giving him the food! Just tell her not to do that! If you find them doing it say 'here BF, take a plate and have a seat'. Then give your DD a look and talk to her after he's gone.