Heartbroken about DS's teacher

[Bluetie]

DS is a great kid. He's smart, funny, musical and sporty. He is also incredibly polite and has a caring nature. He is always winning awards at school, and is liked by all. DS attends a lovely small school with only 2 year-groups.

His previous teachers were OK but in year 3, he's had the most wonderful teacher, Mr T. Mr T is DS's first male teacher and they also share a hobby. Mr T has really helped DS develop his confidence, pushing him more in academics. DS has had a great year.

DS is now moving to year 4. Mr T is also moving to year 4. But they won't be together. All the classes have been mixed to mix abilities, sexes and SEN.

One morning this week, I went to ask Mr T if this class allocation was final. The head came to join our conversation, and he said he will only move DS for an exceptional reason. The head added that the new teacher has made the best progress in her year group across the whole school. I really want DS to stay with Mr T.

Can anyone think of something?

The head teacher told you the other teacher is a very successful, qualified teacher. What makes you think she would be phoning it in? Don’t catastrophize things. Your son will pick up on your negativity. Also every boy in the school deserves a chance to have a good male teacher, it’s rare in primary school and of course that will mean moving groups around. Likely Mr. T had a say on which kids he felt would most benefit from remaining with him next year.

I think the data shows male teachers, generally make good role models for young boys, but that experience needs to be shared throughout the school.
Does DS have other male role models?

If you are thinking of private education for Ds he's probably not in the most needy group.

If you want to keep them in touch, maybe offer to pay for private musical lessons for DS.

I hear your issue, but I don't think there's a resolution other than you both learning to suck it up.

The teachers care about your DS but they also have 30 other kids in the class to care about. They can't please everyone.

Sounds like you ought to think about homeschooling as clearly you'll never be satisfied.

Your child would enjoy being with Mr T., but so would other children. You describe it as punishment for your kid, as if somehow there was no other child involved in the decision. Teachers support a whole class each year!
There will be good teaching in his future from others, and he will cope. As others have said it's also a good learning experience; support him with it.
The fact you describe it politely - as your heartbreak, your son being a good kid, etc, doesn't make it any less difficult. As has been said above, insisting, you are being "that parent", sucking time out of school to focus on your heartbreak.
Enjoy your son's good qualities. Help him develop them. Care for others is one of them you said: well, he'll understand in that case.

Some advice @Bluetie not only are you about to get less control (even in the private sector) in high school but actually it trying to control all of this you are denying the one who actually needs to be in charge of all of this your DS, listen to him and whether he is happy or not and what he wants, and trust him.

we can’t and shouldn’t control our children but trust them to do it themselves

If Mr T is such a great teacher, maybe it's time for some other kids to benefit from that?

I’ve made my peace with it. DS’s success is not only down to Mr T. DS has access to lots of resources, and we supported school lessons with museum and historical sites visits locally and abroad.

You let your DS just have fun too @Bluetie don’t you, it’s not all about education and awards.

I'm all for encouraging education, but I really hope you allow your son to have unstructured playtime too.

DS does sports everyday, it’s not just learning!

Sports aren't unstructured.

Sports aren't unstructured.

He needs downtime to be at home and play.

To answer your question:
You would need to demonstrate that your son not being with Mr T will have a negative impact on your son's emotional & educational needs & progression.
You will need to show evidence to back up what you are claiming.
Put together your case & present it.

In all honesty though, I don't feel you have a case. Through school years, we have teachers that our children (or us parents) just don't gel with, some that are middle of the road & then there are those that are exceptional, like you have felt with your Mr T. This is just the way it goes, that isn't a case to stay with that teacher... There could be times for "reasonable adjustment" under SEN, but I don't feel that is the case here.

How your son deals with this is on you though. For example you say "I feel like DS is being punished for being a good kid" which is ridiculous, he's doing what every child does, move classes/years to a new teacher. If you respond to what is completely normal for every child, with these thoughts & using this sort of terminology around him, then you will make him believe he is being punished. If you act anxious about this, then your son will pick that up & he too will be anxious, if you act angry then your son will be angry, etc etc.

Why would you want to make something that is the norm for every student, into something it isn't for your DS? You are just bringing uncertainty & confusion. We know every school year it changes, your role as a parent is to support with these transitions & yes some years it's more difficult than others when strong healthy connections have formed, but that is just the way it is & he needs to understand that. Don't teach your son that being a good kid means he should have preferential treatment & that if he doesn't get that preferential treatment he is being punished, because this is the message you are putting across. There is also the importance of teaching your DS to be resilient of change, life can be very difficult as we get older if we aren't able to cope with change.

A new teacher even if they aren't the best, still brings new things to the table, different ideas, new ways to look at things, a fresh approach to learning. Each child will gain something new from every teacher & you don't know how good the new teacher will be, it could be better than the last. Dont try to restrict progression & new opportunities.

What a ridiculous statement. Pull yourself together. The teacher is teaching a different class next year which is what always happens with very few exceptions (it just so happens that this teacher is moving up a year this year as well). Are the rest of his class being punished as well?

Absolutely, I thought the same.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I'm sorry but your really do think you are entitled don't you. Back off before you embarrass the boy.

And so will all the other kids in the class, but that ain't real life. Your son is no more special than any other child, although the children may be luckier.

Me too.

I'd be quiet if I was you, you are only making things worse for yourself and your son.

I think it will be good for your son to have a different teacher.. having the same teacher 2 years running will make it twice as hard next year when he gets a different one!
Also consider it from other parents and children’s points of views… another child will benefit from having a male teacher, you don’t want your son to think he NEEDS Mr T in order to succeed…
Rather than being disappointed tell your son how wonderful it is that Mr T has given him the confidence to go forward, he’ll learn another skill with the next one

@Bluetie I think what's apparent from your posts is how you feel your perfect child is more worthy than others. It's great he does his instrument, he's polite and caring, does daily sports and wins all the awards. That's amazing, great for him. That doesn't make him any better than little John who doesn't do any activities, isn't as academic as your son so hasn't had many awards and doesn't show his caring or polite side as he's very shy. John is important, means everything to his parents and deserves the same as your perfect child.

It also may be the case that in a few years your son may go through a tough time for whatever reason meaning his academics suffer, he may not come across as polite as he is now and he may not get awards. He will then be just as worthy of a good education and decent teachers.

All kids are important,

That’s just not how school works! When you were at school did you stay with the same teacher all the way through? School helps prepare you for the outside world, for this your son needs to go through school as any other child. I don’t think that you’re helping the situation by saying dramatic things like you think your son is being punished!!! It’s not like this teacher is emigrating! He can still talk to your son.

@Marelli thank you for taking the time to write this post.

I agree with everything you have written. I don't have a case to keep DS in Mr T's class next year. I have made peace with it now.

I have not said anything to DS, and I want him to be excited about this new year. She has really good statistics regarding her class, so who knows? I also support DS at home. Realistically, DS will not fall behind.

I'm excited for what Year 4 will bring to DS.

What kind of statistics do you mean?