Heartbroken about DS's teacher

[Bluetie]

DS is a great kid. He's smart, funny, musical and sporty. He is also incredibly polite and has a caring nature. He is always winning awards at school, and is liked by all. DS attends a lovely small school with only 2 year-groups.

His previous teachers were OK but in year 3, he's had the most wonderful teacher, Mr T. Mr T is DS's first male teacher and they also share a hobby. Mr T has really helped DS develop his confidence, pushing him more in academics. DS has had a great year.

DS is now moving to year 4. Mr T is also moving to year 4. But they won't be together. All the classes have been mixed to mix abilities, sexes and SEN.

One morning this week, I went to ask Mr T if this class allocation was final. The head came to join our conversation, and he said he will only move DS for an exceptional reason. The head added that the new teacher has made the best progress in her year group across the whole school. I really want DS to stay with Mr T.

Can anyone think of something?

Will you be able to insist your son has a particular teacher in a private school, @Bluetie?

I honestly think your best approach is to encourage your son to give his new teacher a chance - and to encourage yourself to do the same. Best case, you are as happy with that teacher - or happier - and your son continues to flourish at his current school. Worst case, it doesn’t work out and you move him.

At least giving it a good go means your son has the continuity of staying in the same school, with his friends, and not being uprooted to a new school.

You need to move him into private immediately OP cos at private school the female teachers are not allowed to get pregnant and have maternity leave.

In those context of course not. The school don't give a shit that's OP and her kid really really want this teacher.
He's literally no more important than every other one there.

The only time I've heard kids be discussed is when a teacher is saying they really can't work with that child for another year.

Heartbroken?! Get a grip.

he will have great teachers and rubbish teachers along the way and then the same will happen with bosses when he grows up.
life lessons in dealing with different folk.

do not try and pester the school about swapping classes etc. you will get a reputation for being a pain in the arse and then your child will not be chosen for things because the school
won’t want you around.

For crying out loud...
You are being ridiculous.

@IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine
My two sons have had three male teachers between them at primary school. I can honestly say that none have been very good in my opinion. Not at the teaching bit necessarily (although one was dreadful) but at the pastoral part.
One of my son has numeral SEN and I can honestly say the male teachers neither cared or understood. They also on several occasions punished him for things that were completely out of his control. Things that were written in his assessment report that he couldn't do anything about.

As would all the other kids, why is yours special?

The fact the head came over probably means you will already have been identified as 'that parent'; she/ he will have been on their guard for you trying something like this and will have been prepared to step in to protect her employee.

I don't doubt that your DS is everything you said, but I have met many, many parents who are delusional about what their child is actually like at school. There's every possibility that Mr T will be tired of your DS bugging him about their shared hobby, or be saying to his colleagues 'His parents are a nightmare - I'm not putting up with them for another year'.

Children, ultimately, are in school to become independent learners. He should be pushing himself academically, by thinking 'How can I prove this? Can I draw a diagram to represent this? Could I write my own problem? What else could this tell me?' in maths, and editing, up-levelling vocabulary and altering sentence structure to make things interesting in English.

Anyway, @crumblingschools summed up why YABU most, in my opinion, by saying 'maybe someone else would benefit from having Mr T now'.

@AtomHeartMotherOfGod thank you for this. You are right, and I will help DS become a better independent learner.

Offs get over yourself

Kindly meant - please just let him experience new, different, perhaps less comfortable things. It’s a hard hard world out there and we’ve got to let them develop a bit of a hide to handle it. Change is great for doing this. I’m sure Mr T will always be available for chats and at least he’ll still see him around school, supervising at play times and so on. New teachers bring breadth and depth to childrens experiences. You’ll be doing him no favours if you push this.

You have to learn to trust that they know what they are doing when making classes. Its a little different for me because I'm in America, but same idea really. This was the late 90s and I worked in the same school that my two older sons were in. The Principal DID allow parents to put in requests for a certain teacher. She did not promise you would get your choice, but you could ask. Since I worked in the school I knew all the teachers really well. There was a male teacher that I thought would be really good with my oldest son who has ADHD. I put in the formal request. The Principal came to see me and explained that my son would not be going into that class, he was going to be in the other class. I wont lie I was very disappointed. The Principal told me to please trust her and her decision. My son ended up having an amazing year with the other teacher. You have to accept that the people making these choices know what they are doing and what will work best for everyone.

Thank you for sharing this. I sometimes feel that I am the only person who cares about DS’s welfare. I find it hard to trust other people’s judgement.

You never know on here lol

One day, you are going to think back about your bizzare feelings towards your sons teacher and cringe.

I don’t have feelings for the teacher FFS! He’s just a good teacher for DS.

Thank you for sharing this. I sometimes feel that I am the only person who cares about DS’s welfare. I find it hard to trust other people’s judgement.

So controlling! No one is as good as you?

I don't mean romantically. You are massively overstepping boundaries with your sons education to the point the headteacher had to step in.

Bluetie - I understand. You apparently upset a bunch of Saturday afternoon biddies
to have gotten most of these responses. You want the best for your child. You did not have that in his first year and are saddened that his progress might not continue. I wish you well.

And then what? Are you going to have this Mr T follow him every year until he leaves school for the sake of "continuity"? Children moved on from much loved teachers year in year out. Your child is no different.

Why don't you offer to pay Mr T's salary and hire him as a 1:1 teacher full time in your home?

She's not saddened, stop down playing this.... she's heartbroken!

Is this Me T