Guy has suddenly gone cold on me, fed up

[Cheeseburger99]

We met through a running club organised by our work, we work for the same organisation but he's on the 7th floor and I'm on the 1st and in totally different areas, so our paths would never have crossed otherwise.

I found that we got on well at our running sessions and we started talking outside of this, which soon became almost every day.

We went out as friends for a drink which seemed to go well.

Then we went out again 3 weeks later and stayed in touch in between/saw each other at the club.

I do have a crush on him but I've not said that to him, I'm not sure if he does but being cynical, most men don't bother talking to me almost every day unless there's some sort of attraction. He's definitely single.

Anyway since we went out he's been very cold with me. Won't speak to me unless I speak to him first. If I speak to him he's nice, but I saw him at the running and there was a very weird vibe, like he didn't really want to speak to me/seemed sheepish.

I feel like stopping the club. Or should I ask him what's up?
I'm not stupid and I can tell when someone's changed towards me. I didn't get drunk or anything, I really don't get it.

I would've been happy with a friendship still, but I haven't been given that option..

He hasn’t really done anything wrong, just backed off. I know it still hurts, but I would just respect that and give him space.

Don’t leave the club!

Honestly, even if I sensed a male friend had a crush, I would still be their friend as long as I was clear it was just a friendship. I wouldn't just suddenly drop them.

Hes done nothing wrong ,whatever it is you were feeling he isn't
He hasn't led you on in anyway

“I enjoy our friendship but I don’t fancy you enough to get involved” no British man has ever said 🤣

I didn't say he's led me on, but it hurts to be dropped.
This is why I don't have many male friends.

You can wonder endlessly why he's changed towards you
It wasent a relationship, it was barely a friendship, just move on
It's just not worth the hassle.

This!

I have to say I don’t think he’s really done anything wrong here, I know you say he could have told you OP but that’s a very awkward chat for him to have and a lot of hassle for someone he’s realistically only known for a couple of months

Yup- it's this. He has picked up on the fact you like him and is now backing off.

So sorry OP- I know it sucks but the best thing to do is chalk it up to experience and move on. You arent his cup of tea- it's ok. You will find someone who is. Dont fret about it and dont leave the club, just keep going if you enjoy it and just be cordial/polite with him when you see him.

Yes, it totally sucks to be rejected, I’m there with ya, but do you want to get involved with what sounds like an emotionally handicapped man at your place of work? I would drop this fish back in the pond if I were you OP.

Looks like there's nothing I can do. I'll focus on my actual friends.

Agree with this. Surprised that so many of the comments feel it's totally fine for people to go cold like this. It's really not.

Op the vast vast majority men only make friends with females they find attractive in some way. I’ve worked in enough male dominated industries and old enough to recognise this.

He most likely did enjoy your company at the start and now feels that actually he wouldn’t want to pursue anything - which is his right.

Men move on quickly when there is nothing to keep their interest - women feel guilty and allow them to hang around.

Just be glad it didn’t get to anything else before he lost interest

I have not asked him out, I haven't flirted loads, honestly there was mild flirting between us both (no, I didn't imagine it!)
I haven't made inappropriate comments.
Anyway, whatever tbh. I've got other friends.

What would have been a better response? He probably knew OP fancied him. What should he have done - considering this was just a platonic relationship

Or he does find you attractive, but doesn't think it's a good idea to get involved with someone at work. Maybe warned off by someone. Ask him?

He sounds like a bit of a dickhead tbh. Men often "befriend" women because they fancy them, then drop them when it's obvious there won't be sex. So, he's either with someone who's made it clear he needs to drop you, or he's realised you wouldn't be up for ONS, or he's started fancying someone else.

Whatever it is, you're better off focusing on female friendships.

It could be but we essentially don't work together. He works on the 7th floor and we are in completely different departments, there are probably 1,000 people here.

He may as well work somewhere else, I would never cross paths with anyone on other floors as we don't do the same work at all.

OP I don’t know you from Adam but by your posts I’m getting some “obsessive vibes” here, this is just a guy at your workplace who you were friendly with and who didn’t wanted to take it a step further for x, y or z. He owes you nothing and you’re having a really hard time accepting it. Imagine his reaction if he knew you had opened a thread on MN, he would be getting some real bunny boiler vibes and freaking out. Maybe he sensed that intensity and stepped back.

I wondered how long it would be before a poster like you came along to try and stick the knife in.