Am I being OTT - 15 year old daughter….

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Walking from one friends house to another friends house (to get picked up). I’ve told her I’ll pick her up whenever she wants (no later than 11pm) and she said 10pm from Emily’s house that’s fine, but they’re walking back from Jodie’s house now which is nearer to our house! She’s with Emily so not alone but I can’t help worrying about two 15 years olds walking about at almost 10pm especially when I would have picked them both up from where they were….

I wish I could switch off but I find it so difficult. I know that she’ll be 16 in about 3/4 months but I still struggle.

What’s everyone else’s thoughts?

I will probably get flamed for adding this but I do think it’s relative - They are both really pretty girls and frustratingly attract unwanted attention - whether that he from boys a similar age or older creepy men 🤮 I’ve almost ran out of a restaurant telling a leery creep that she a child! I was so mad.

It’s summer, they’ll be far from the only people out walking, it’s still light outside and she’s not alone. You are overthinking.

Not the point of the thread but I’d be more concerned that they haven’t actually spent the evening at Jodie’s house. Surely she’d just get you to collect from there if they had.

YANBU - statistically they'll be fine, although when I was 17 my friend got sexually assaulted while walking home from a party at 1am (dad had collected me at 11.30 and they wanted to stay later at the party, and their parents were happy for them to walk the 5mins home alone 😢)... Makes me all too aware of the consequences of that one time it's not ok. You have to allow them some independence at some point though. It's hard. I empathise hugely. My friend had severe trauma from what happened. The police never caught the guy 😢

Two of them together and it's not that late. This doesn't even register on the scale of risky behaviour from 15 year olds! Be grateful it's not alcohol, drugs, boyfriends, late night parties, refusing to tell you where they are...all of which are more than possible at this age.

Not sure where you live but it's definitely dark here. There are some scummy people out there. I would be going to pick both girls up.

We’re in NI and it’s approaching dusk now. DD (20) has just returned safely from a solo run. Scummy people will always be out there, in terms of teens walking home alone a non-intoxicated summer evening accompanied by a friend is as good as it gets. You can’t wrap kids up in cotton wool forever.

Get a grip
She will be fine,sje is not 5

update

They’re walking on the bank of the river about a mile from civilisation 😭😭 no cars or roads just grass.

I’ve told her I’m picking her up now so they need to run to the village.

It’s the lack of shits to be given. This don’t seem to realise that bad things happen and far more frequently to females

Why are they walking by a river in the dark? Is there something that she’s not telling you like alcohol, weed etc? Streets I would be perfectly fine with, this would be an absolute no for me (at any age!!)

It's pitch black here, and there's a world of difference between the ages of 15 and 20. There's also a world of difference between wrapping them in cotton wool and letting them take daft risks for the sake of being a cool Mum.

And the perfect age for weirdos to follow them! In a way they couldn’t to a 5 year old…!

Exactly - that’s what I’ve explained to her but she seems to think these things only happen in horror movies. I’ve told her never to go to lonely places on their own but she just says it’s fine. I’m so mad!! As you say, if it was on a busy suburban area I wouldn’t be as mad but this is ridiculous.

So you think because they are 'pretty' they will be in more danger, I don't know where to begin on this one

Well done for collecting them and holding them to account OP.

I am aware of that.. if you do the maths 5 years ago I was also raising a 15 year old. Out of most parents I was probably one of the more careful ones and always offered lifts etc to avoid DD or friends getting into danger. At the end of the day though there comes a point where you need to make compromises in order for them to learn and grow into independent young adults. A short, accompanied walk home on well lit streets wouldn’t have bothered me. What OP has now described her DD doing re: walking by a dark river would massively alarm me.

Whether you like it or not it is fact. Some young girls attract far more unwanted male attention than others.

I think 2 young girls who are particularly attractive will certainly warrant more unsolicited attention yes.

Exactly, thank you @stressedespresso for the understanding.

Depends where you live and how busy the journey is.

They were in a bludy field, near to a river, no houses near. I went mad and they’re both home now but hopefully she knows not to go to lonely places again.

Oh well thats better than having a car pull up to them I suppose. As long as they stick together and dont go anywhere alone.

How aware is she of the news and women's safety other than what you, her mother has told her?

Teens have always felt indestructible but fewer people get their news via TV broadcasts now and get whatever their phone algorithm decided to show them that they are less likely to hear about these types of crimes opposed to overhearing it when the parents were watching the 10 o'clock news. I used to 'love' Crime stoppers and always kept the reconstruction in mind that showed a girl being raped in her next door neighbours front garden - she was so close to being home. Watching the show and it being real crimes in the UK made it hit home more than something more American or sensationalised.

The walking by the river was a terrible choice on her part, I'd be absolutely livid and would be considering some form of grounding or similar sanction if she didn't take your concerns seriously. Although you risk her just not telling you in future so would have to tread carefully.

Gosh I wouldn’t like that at all OP and would be the same as you and I currently have a 15 year old daughter. However now thinking back.. I was a teen of 15/16 sitting in dark fields with a couple of mates and a bottle of cider 🙈

I picked the up and got home and told her off. She was clearly thinking I was OTT but I told her she’s lucky she can think these things only happen in the cinema. I was so mad! She’s so calm and collected and I sound like a nutter but I don’t care if makes her think twice in the future!

OMG! The daft things we do at that age, it's a wonder more girls don't find themselves in trouble. At that age, I finished school at lunchtime one day, because I lived rurally I didn't want to have to wait for the school bus, so started walking the 7 miles home. A man in a car pulled up and offered me a lift. I KNEW that I shouldn't take it, but still got in, seemingly my desire to get home, was stronger than my instinct to stay safe. Once I got in the car, I realised just how stupid I'd been, and silently prayed that I'd get home safely. Thankfully, he dropped me off safely in my village, but as I went to get out of the car, he said to me 'You really are one silly young woman! Haven't your parents told you not to speak to strangers, let alone get into cars with them?'

Why, oh why, did I do that? I still can't work it out to this day, and have thought about it many times over the years, wondering what made him stop and offer me a lift. Did he think it better that he took me home, knowing that he had no bad intentions, rather than risk me getting into a car with someone who had? Did he think he would teach me a lesson if I accepted the lift?

Of course I've made a point of telling the youngsters in my family, how stupid I was, and just hope that because it was a 'real' experience, that they have taken my experience on board. It really is a scary world out there, so do what you can to keep your girls safe, who cares if you're not cool, hopefully at least you won't be the one on the news, begging people to help find your girl.