To think it's not me it's the baby.

[Piggiesinblankets]

I have an 18 month old little boy and nearly 3 year old boy.

My 3 year old is a delight. Has tantrums, gets frustrated but if he's fed and has slept he is mostly lovely and has been since around 6 months old. He laughs, us engaging and wants to do things. He has a developmental delay but doesn't let anything stop him.

My 18 month old cries and whines ALL the time. Yesterday he woke st 6:30 and literally cried solidly until nursery at 8:30. Was relatively OK there othman than some cries and tantrums.

Today he's needed picking up constantly, screams throws toys if you put him down. Won't play cries and cries. Cries in the buggy, in the car all day long. Screams, kicks, thrashes around. You get 10 minutes where he cheers up and you start to relax and enjoy him then he's screaming again
It's like having a colicky newborn. I live even the fun times on edge of when he's going to start again. He's gorgeous when he's playful and my heart hurts as I want it to last.

I am miserable. I am exhausted. I sleep when the boys go down for a nap as I'm so so worn out. I walk along pushing the pram crying from the exhaustion of the crying., whining and never being able to enjoy anything.

He's not as bad for my parents or nursery although my parents do describe him as hard work and often say he's had a difficult day.

He sleeps really well overnight, mostly straight through, naps, has regular mealtimes.

I'm at the point that my husband has made comments about me appearing depressed. My older boy misses out as i cant play and eventually i snap at him as im so wired from the crying. I'm irritable with the family and perpetually exhausted. I was on the boarder of seeking out therapy/ antidepressants for my mood and irritability. Thing is, I'm not miserable at work or when I'm on my own with my eldest. I have started to think it's my baby's temperament that Is making me feel so low. I really love him but I don't enjoy him. I feel like I'm missing out on nice baby time because it's a chore with him.

Have the health visitors seen him recently, or have nursery said anything about his behaviour? He’s not really a baby anymore, more a toddler, and whilst toddlers have tantrums and huge mood swings it does sound unusual that he’d be crying all day.

That is my exact feeling. He's much too old now for the amount of crying that happens.

No health visitor since 12 month check. No medical concerns either so no other health professionals.

We do have periods when he stops crying and plays so I'm not worried he's in pain & he is less irritable at nursery & will paint/ play/ run around. It just never lasts & we are back to the crying.

Have you had him checked for any allergies, intolerances, reflux? Crying usually indicates pain, worth an osteopath perhaps? Has he always been like this?

I would take him to the GP. That amount of crying isn't usual.

Does he cheer up if you give him some Calpol? I'd try that for a day or two and see if there is any improvement. If there is, you know it's pain based.

Do you think he could have sensory issues?

Remember that once you've checked for pain and done what you can it's ok to let them whine. Don't kill yourself trying to stop the whining if he's just a whiny kid, let him whine, tune it out.

Is he teething?

does he have earache?

is he constipated?

My 3 year old has been like this since he was 18 months.
HV flagged it when visiting my newborn 6 months ago.. he has an appointment for a child and behaviour doctor in September.
I think he could have adhd or be autistic.

I know exactly how you feel. I once screamed down the phone at the GP receptionist at 08:30 on the school run because I didn't know what to do!

It's not just whining, its tears rolling down the face crying. Behaves like the world has ended. Other times it's whining. As I say, it does stop snd he's lovely, he laughs, us cheeky, plays with his brother, then we are off again.

I have tried calpol at times in desperation which out much difference bit I might try a day or two and see if it helps.Its not as bad at nursery though which makes me think it's behaviour not pain.

I will keep a food diary, a diary of the crying and head off to the GP I think. I feel better even hearing from others that I'm not being dramatic about the crying.

I would wonder about something like autism but he's got no other signs. He's sociable, normal speech, eye contact is good, points to things and laughs, no repetetive behaviours.

Poos multiple times a day. He is dribble so maybe teeth playing a part but this has gone on for months. Worse some days than others. Occasionally improves for a few days.

I can’t offer any practical advice unfortunately op but it sounds like you are trying your absolute best so sending hugs your way X

I do have a tip though, have you tried loop earplugs? The engage ones work brill for parenting and fussy babies etc as you can hear everything but it stops the high pitched cries hurting your ears as much which can cause us to become a bit short tempered and struggle more.
just a thought X

Hi, I think as other people have said it is good to get things checked out if you’re concerned, so I don’t want to dismiss that there may be an underlying factor.
At the same time, I was reminded of my daughter at 18 months when I read your post. She would go through phases of being like a “koala baby” and the only way I got through it was having her in the sling. A comfy sling, with nice back support. It was as though she needed to be right next to me for a long period of time in order to be calmed. If I remember correctly, 18 months can also be a time when there are huge developmental leaps and also it’s when separation anxiety is felt deeply. I remember after some days of (what felt like) relentless crying, I would notice that she’d developed some new skill.
So just sharing that in case it fits and maybe in part what is going on for you.
Also, totally feel you with how utterly emotionally draining it can be. I remember someone said to me, “it’s not like the Pampers adverts, is it?” which just captured it for me at that time.
With my daughter, she would settle with some TV at times - so don’t feel guilty for CBeebies so you can have a break and a cup of tea!

This does sound excessive to me-no wonder you’re struggling. I would echo others about pain or something medically causing pain. Sorry OP. Sounds like you are doing a lot better than I would.

My Dsis who is 12 years younger than me was like that. She was bloody awful. I hated her. Now she's grown up she's fine it was just a stage she went through and slowly grew out of. None of us could do anything to make her happy.
The other sibling was the polar opposite. Absolutely adorable.
None of us could understand why sibling 1 was such a misery. She was fine once she went to school.

Thank you all. This means a lot. I've felt like I'm failing as a Mum when I cry because I can't cope with him or when I snap ( by snap I mean I will irritatedly ask what he wants or ask my other son to stop banging his cup or something because my nerves are frayed).

I'm just sad that every day is something to be survived through not enjoyed. The fact that he sleeps so well is a godsend really. I just feel a bit sad that I'm wishing this time away.

Your bucket is full so of course you snap and burst into tears at times. They whine and scream and cry and we soak it all up snd do what we can to soothe them - and it has to come out somewhere! That doesn’t mean that you are failing as a mum.
With my first child I don’t think I ever snapped and was super calm (like the mum I had imagined I would be!). Once I was managing two children and so overwhelmed with all of the noise, I have had times when I have had to go into the bathroom and do a silent scream; days when I have totally run out of patience; days when it has been a joy to get into a quiet car to drive to work!
Have a think with your partner/family or friends if there are any ways that you can have a rest from this to give yourself some quiet time to recharge, even if it’s a child free shower or walk, and don’t bear yourself up, you sound like a great, kind and thoughtful mum

I have no more advice than the other posters but offer solidarity. My eldest was easy and a breeze. My second one was much more difficult. Cried a lot. Never seemed happy. Till she was about 3 and then suddenly things got so much easier. She’s still very stubborn and emotional at times but things are so much easier and I really hope as she grows up she continues knowing her own mind. But gosh, the toddler years were hard! She was adorable and cute and I love her so much, but the crying used to make me cry too! Sending hugs and gin your way op. Go easy on yourself. You’re doing a great job xx.

my worry here is your dh doesn't feature at all regarding the baby's crying and whinging except when you said he said you look depressed. actually thought you were a single mum.

if baby sleeps well through the night, there is nursery and your parents, where does dh feature? or is he just working making money for the family?

whether gp says the crying is normal or not, you need a bloody break!!

You are all lovely. Is anyone free to babysit 😂😂

Joking aside I have a good husband. I work 4 days so I get a break from him and I absolutely adore the little monkey which is why it is so frustrating.

My husband is brilliant. Friday is my non working day so I've been on my own with them today.

Husband also eorks longer hours than me so I do a bit more of morning routine. He's got more patience than me but I wonder if that's because he's not exposed to 10 hours on his own with the screamer.

what help do you get from good dh? you seem be the sole 'hearer' of baby's whinging and crying- why you are exhausted and crying on streets pushing pram on lone trips, unless you exaggerate and he also get the same share of the crying and whinging.

cross posted. if dh works long hours, can you pay for more support- nanny etc- for you when on your own?

you answered re exposure. your longer exposure to the baby even on one single day is what's doing it for you. you never ever fully recover. regardless what gp says, try to break your longer day-friday. You work 4 days a week. Friday is no day off for you, just different shift. You need to sort this, before you get affected severely. Even on days it is only morning exposure, your body will get in a defence mechanism of programming it to always be on the mode - in other words- trigger mode even on shorter days of exposure.

I worked v v long hours and had to find a mental way for a break here and there and a clear NO to anything extra incl social when I know I no longer had the headspace for more. You can never say NO any time on Friday. Give it another consideration and restructure your day. I would buy in help for a couple of hours on Fridays, without hesitation.

Id take him to see a cranial osteopath. Honestly, my niece was like a different child.

I totally agree with this. 10 hours of non-stop noise will drain you so much emotionally and physically. See if there is a way you can re-structure your Friday so you can get some respite.

I often meet with friends on a Friday so someone else is with me but yes, maybe I need something more.

Money is stretched with 2 in nursery now and me dropping a day at work but sanity comes first.

I get 90 minutes nap time in the afternoon. I often fall asleep myself as I'm so worn out (despite no night waking now).

Husband and i parent together all weekend or tske jver if tge other one goes out. Both do our share of bath and bed. He takes the boys if I want to go for finner with friends/ hair cut etc.

Just an issue with me needing some reassurance that I'm struggling for a good reason and that this isn't "normal"