To think it's not me it's the baby.

[Piggiesinblankets]

I have an 18 month old little boy and nearly 3 year old boy.

My 3 year old is a delight. Has tantrums, gets frustrated but if he's fed and has slept he is mostly lovely and has been since around 6 months old. He laughs, us engaging and wants to do things. He has a developmental delay but doesn't let anything stop him.

My 18 month old cries and whines ALL the time. Yesterday he woke st 6:30 and literally cried solidly until nursery at 8:30. Was relatively OK there othman than some cries and tantrums.

Today he's needed picking up constantly, screams throws toys if you put him down. Won't play cries and cries. Cries in the buggy, in the car all day long. Screams, kicks, thrashes around. You get 10 minutes where he cheers up and you start to relax and enjoy him then he's screaming again
It's like having a colicky newborn. I live even the fun times on edge of when he's going to start again. He's gorgeous when he's playful and my heart hurts as I want it to last.

I am miserable. I am exhausted. I sleep when the boys go down for a nap as I'm so so worn out. I walk along pushing the pram crying from the exhaustion of the crying., whining and never being able to enjoy anything.

He's not as bad for my parents or nursery although my parents do describe him as hard work and often say he's had a difficult day.

He sleeps really well overnight, mostly straight through, naps, has regular mealtimes.

I'm at the point that my husband has made comments about me appearing depressed. My older boy misses out as i cant play and eventually i snap at him as im so wired from the crying. I'm irritable with the family and perpetually exhausted. I was on the boarder of seeking out therapy/ antidepressants for my mood and irritability. Thing is, I'm not miserable at work or when I'm on my own with my eldest. I have started to think it's my baby's temperament that Is making me feel so low. I really love him but I don't enjoy him. I feel like I'm missing out on nice baby time because it's a chore with him.

hi i have a 3 year old and me and my ex have been separated for almost 2 years he’s had a couple of gf before and i have had no problem he’s been with his current girlfriend for 5 months he lives with her already with her and her kid and he’s been very nasty changing weekends he supposed to have her dropping her of late ans not telling me blocking me so i can’t contact him and tuesday i asked his dad what was the weekend he wanted and he said the next weekend so i had my little brother and sister over to go cinema ect and my ex and her called me up and she was calling me every name under the sun and telling me what watch out and i don’t want her around my child when my child comes home she is naughty swearing hitting witch isn’t like her and it’s not just me that had noticed this we mostly go through his dad but he also gets nasty at times aswell am i i the wrong if i wanted to stop him from seeing her

My son was just like this and now, at 5, we do have him diagnosed with Autism and ADHD. He's great though- just very emotional and always has been. Worth keeping in the back of your mind. I did find he got easier as he got older, and although he is still very over emotional now, he is a millions times easier and really pleasant to be with!

Oh and yeh I totally get what you mean about it being the baby not you. But the baby could be causing you to be depressed. I was - and I kept pointing out that it was just because my baby never stopped crying. But I was probably still depressed and medication could have helped me cope.

I was in your EXACT position and eventually figured out DD2 had a dairy allergy. GP was no help, but we had an (extra) horrific time after my DH fed her an entire 500g tub of yoghurt and I decided to trial cutting dairy for a few weeks just in case. Massive difference. Turns out she is so sensitive to it that she even reacts to tiny amounts in baking. She was the same as you are describing - absolutely miserable at home, definitely seemed worse for me than others, but fine at daycare and my nerves were completely shot. The only thing I can think of to explain why she was so hard for me versus everyone else is the whole "mum is your safe place" thing, where everything they have been feeling can finally explode out (all over lucky mum) because they can finally relax and express how they are truly feeling.

There was nothing digestion-wise to suggest a dairy allergy (ie excessive gas or weird poo), but in hindsight she definitely became harder work once we started weaning and she was introduced to dairy. I still feel a bit bad it took me a year to figure it out! She is still definitely more stroppy/spicy than DD1 but cutting dairy was a game changer. Not suggesting it will be this simple for you, just offering solidarity and maybe a little hope! Good luck x

My toddler was like this. I have 4 children all
my others as babies and toddlers were typical. Occasional crying but manageable. My youngest was awful none stop crying and then as a toddler was just miserable and hard work 90% of the time. Very clingy. I actually went back to work early because I couldn’t cope with it.
but she’s so much better now at 2,5! Don’t get me wrong we have bad days but overall she is a much happier child now she can talk and communicate. Still doesn’t sleep through the night though!

people that haven’t had a ‘hard’ child don’t get how hard and mentally/ emotionally draining it can be. It’s hard to be a nice lovely mum all the time when you just feel completely drained!

I would say that’s not usual.

I have two ND boys and they didn’t cry unless I stopped their fun in some way - I could always understand WHY they were crying even if it made little sense.

However, the younger had very tricky grizzly periods which we finally worked out was lactose intolerance.

I’d be surprised if it wasn’t some kind of food issue.

I’d try calpol and see if there’s a marked change. If there is then it’s likely pain and I’d say teeth is this age is a possibility. Some babies teeth take ages and then pop out and calm hits.

I feel for you OP my youngest was a nightmare baby and toddler, she threw almighty tantrums , cried what felt like all the time and also was a shit sleeper on top of that. My eldest was a dream baby/toddler in comparison.

Its hard, there may be an underlying issue but some kids are just like this.

DD is just about to turn 8 now and has a been a delight since about 3.5 when she became a lot more independent. Hang in there and good luck.

If there is something going on, they are most comfortable to share their worst behaviour with their parents. So whether there’s something sensory, or pain, or discomfort, or being 18 months old and frustrated that you can’t talk properly to express yourself, or you can’t do whatever you want.

actual tears mean that something could be causing pain though but I’m out of touch with toddlers

do make sure to get outside on your own for half an hour each day - it is crucial to your own mental health. I’d be going up the walls

They don't always have signs like that for autism.

I have to say you do sound depressed and it could be almost a vicious circle. My DD has always been high needs (she is autistic) and she cries lots so I know how depressing it can be. But then if you are depressed it can make it harder for you to respond to your son making his behaviour worse. You say he is better with other people which makes me think this.

Definitely go to the GP about your DS. But please get help for yourself too.

Health Visitor, Drs and various other specialist tried to convince me my baby had colic and reflux. Up until he was 3 months old he would scream murder non stop! Wouldn’t be put down and was never happy. He honestly never slept or stopped crying and I was told over over again he was a fussy baby!

It was a milk allergy. A week after we stopped the milk and we got him on prescription formula he was like a different baby. He is the happiest little child now. I strongly believe colic is a made up word they feed us, to not have to prescribe expensive milk. We’ve tried reintroducing milk and he’s always so unhappy and sick!

Anyway is their a chance he could have an allergy?

Major high five for getting through this so far I was crumbling after three months!

I've been worried about this. Because he's better for other people I'm worried the cycle has created an attachment difficulty where he doesn't feel so secure with me now as he knows I find him exhausting.

My DS was exactly like this - always crying, wanting to be picked up, never happy. Really hard work until after he turned two and then he got much better.

I do sympathise because it is so draining and you can just never properly relax because you’re always being whined at. It will get better though.

I completely agree.

I was told my baby’s reflux and belching was normal, try new bottles etc. I just knew it was a lactose intolerance.

The difference overnight was amazing.

I don't think it sounds like that is the case. I think it could just be because you feel so exhausted and down it makes it harder for you and that is hard on him too which just makes a vicious circle.

Please look into CMPA. My daughter screamed for the first 18 months of her life due to this. Once we got medication for her silent reflux and non dairy formula she was like a different child.

Or they give you reflux meds to treat the symptoms and mask the cause!

I am glad you got your little one sorted! This OP has done amazing hanging in there! I was on my knees after three months.

Me too. I cried as much as him.

This! Me too!