To need space

[getyergladragson]

Dh and I both WFH. Have done for years.

Great having him around but also:

Constant questions/suggestions about my day.
Getting involved in my appointments/errands
He is in and out and has to announce this every time.
Asking me every day if I have any ideas about lunch.
Organising everything when I’ve got it in hand. This is his strength but he needs to be in an office as a manager!

Ww have separate space at home and can work remotely from a cafe and do so 1/2 days a week so it does work but anyone else’s DH love to get so involved in every minute thing?

Not all the time to be fair and he does it with a good heart (he is a generous and loves helping people) but when I tell him I’ve got this thanks, he gets a bit hurt!

Constant is too strong. He comes to my work room a couple of times. I guess it’s the nature of living and working together!

It’s his home too but I guess I need more space than he does. He’s very sociable!

I would find that intensely annoying. If I'm doing something I don't want to be given instruction about it or be told I'm doing it wrong. It's not helpful, it's jarring! Luckily me and DH tend to leave eachother alone in terms of our tasks/work/hobbies.
I guess you can up the amount of time you spend working from cafe/pub, or could you ask him to do so? Or would he take it as offensive?

Sometimes makes it after I say ‘ I don’t have any plans. Do u?’

He huffs and pouts when I say I’ve got this.

Sorry I wasn’t clear.

He doesn’t get involved with my work or ask questions/give opinions about that.

I do the school runs and have the kids after school so I can handle all the ferrying about/school admin/playdates etc but as he doesnt work a strict 9-5 (flexible self-employed), he likes to get involved in all the tiny aspects of that as well. Which is nice but it’s extra work for me lol. I don’t know if I’m nitpicking because we spend so much time together.

I suppose it’s cos he’s got time as he starts and finishes his work tasks as he pleases. He’s only trying to help.

Today he arranged something directly with another parent that involved us both having another child after school but he didn’t mention it to me first. I suppose that’s ok but it would be nice if he said something beforehand.

You’re right. Why shouldn’t he?

I think I could do with a period of working out of the home a bit more for a while. I need a bit more mental space in the working week after 10 years. I love him dearly but we have no family close by so we are together 24/7.

He’s very involved. He parents equally, takes them to clubs and activities and plays loads with them. I think it’s the ambiguity of after school time. He’s still working til 5 and I clock off at 2:30pm but he’s in and out arranging things and suggesting things. I don’t know why that bothers me?!

Sounds like just generally you’re on top of eachother and feeling a bit suffocated.

I thinks it’s healthy for couples to have time apart / alone or just doing other things…. being with eachother every minute of every day is intense.

Exactly. I do feel like I’m nitpicking because I feel a bit suffocated. There are many pros to working from home together but I feel like I’m in the house all the time.

I think I’ve answered my own question. More cafe/library time!

This will kill your marriage stone dead. Contempt and something akin to hatred will set in. Make some changes before it is too late.

I could not deal with this much overreach from anyone.

How is you doing all the school runs and having them after school "equal"?

Why doesn't he do drop off?

I WFH and I can only tolerate having the cats about. No humans is my rule. .

He starts around 9am. I do 10-2.

If I’m doing any home/business admin that takes a bit of concentration (in my study) I absolutely hate my partner hovering or querying what I’m doing. I can be very snappy! (I apologise afterwards.)

Your scenario does sound a bit suffocating so it’s good that you see both sides of the situation and can plan more out-of-the house time.

Im like you and need a lot of head space and peace. I’m a thinker, planner and love time on my own without interruption. You are not alone.

Definitely take some time to work out of home, space does wonders when people are getting on our nerves. I would let him know that I'll be out from 9-2.30 and then he can happily organise away without involving you in the decisions.

My husband and I have a great relationship, but when he started working from home full time it was an adjustment.

Just make sure you get you time and I'm sure all will be fine. Also, maybe allocate him days to organise the lunches so you don't have to discuss them, he can just get on and do it. I meal plan for the week and sometimes send the plan to my husband so he knows what we are eating and which bits he is cooking. Since yours loves planning I'd get him involved in the meal plan, I detest doing the plan but since the husband is useless I just get on with it.