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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To email new teacher

40 replies

Overthebow · 04/07/2024 21:25

My DC is starting reception in September. We had the opportunity to specify any friends they know for classes as it’s a big school. My DC only knows a few others so I emailed with those names and a few concerns as my DC is very shy. The head of year emailed back saying she would make sure my DC would be put with at least one of her friends. She isn’t, in fact all her friends are together and she isn’t with them (although her friends don’t actually know each other). I am torn whether to just leave it or to email the teacher as she did say she would make sure my DC would be out with one of them. What do you think, leave it or email to query?

OP posts:
GauntJudy · 04/07/2024 21:28

I'd email as the teacher did say they would arrange it.

But if it can't be rearranged try not to worry, your child is clearly capable of making friends if there's a few already and can make more x

Original poster
Overthebow · 04/07/2024 21:43

Yes it is strange they said they’d make sure of it and now they haven’t. I wouldn’t mind too much but she’s very, very shy when she doesn’t know anyone and im worried she’s not going to get on well.

OP posts:
Original poster
Overthebow · 04/07/2024 21:52

And how do you think I should word the email without seeming too pushy?

OP posts:
TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 04/07/2024 21:55

I emailed aBout the same thing and the head of year called me back and said it was no problem at all. Maybe ask for a phone call?

Original poster
Overthebow · 04/07/2024 21:57

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 04/07/2024 21:55

I emailed aBout the same thing and the head of year called me back and said it was no problem at all. Maybe ask for a phone call?

The same thing happened to your DC? That’s good to know they changed it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Overthebow · 04/07/2024 21:58

Did they have to move someone else out of the class though to do it?

OP posts:
Ineedaholidayyyy · 04/07/2024 21:59

I would have a chat with the head, can you pop into the school for a chat or ring the head rather than send an email? The classes may be finalised by now, but its worth a shot especially if they've given you the option to request.

In the event it can't be changed, try not to worry too much. I'm sure she will make friends no matter what class she is in.

justasking111 · 04/07/2024 22:04

My friend went into school, spoke to the head who agreed and changed the class for my grandchild.

tsmainsqueeze · 04/07/2024 22:07

I did a similar thing when my 3rd started secondary , i /she knew she had been given the 'wrong fit' form tutor, i left her for a week to think about things but she was so upset i couldn't ignore it.
I have never made a fuss or asked for preferential treatment at that school and they knew i was genuine with my concerns, my kid was quietly moved into the 'right' form in time for the start of year 7 and she settled in well.
I think if you can make your child's life a little bit easier by asking politely for a tweak that can make all the difference then why wouldn't you.

Original poster
Overthebow · 04/07/2024 22:48

Thanks I hadn’t considered speaking to the headteacher. I will go to the school tomorrow and see if I can speak to her.

OP posts:
ThursdayTomorrow · 04/07/2024 22:54

I’m a TA. Friendships at that age are very fluid. They quickly make new friends and then change every few days.

moggle · 04/07/2024 23:00

I would ask, say you did say she would be with a friend and she isn’t, is there anything you can do?
this happened to my daughter- she moved from preschool with 3 other girls and they all went into another class together and my DD was on her own. She wasn’t as shy as your daughter sounds but she was sad that she wasn’t with them. I did ring and query it and the head of reception apologised and asked if I wanted her to change things around - it was obvious that other children would have to be moved to make it happen but she didn’t make me feel bad about it. I weighed it up and decided not to move her in the end. Everything was fine and she made new friends in her class and still saw her old friends loads, as reception was a free-flow environment about 90% of the time. (That is what the head of reception impressed upon me, that they would still see each other a lot).

but don’t feel bad or over protective for worrying about it, starting school is such a big milestone.

Seashor · 04/07/2024 23:02

Do NOT ‘pop in to speak to the head. What do you think the head does all day! Sit in an office and wait for parents to drop by! Our head’s feet don’t touch the ground- child protection meeting after child protection meeting, covering classes, social workers in and out all day long, accademy meetings etc, just send a polite email and it will be sorted when someone gets a minute. It’s probably a human oversight.

ageratum1 · 05/07/2024 00:01

Do they go to the same preschool? It may be on their advice they are separated

Mama2many73 · 05/07/2024 00:11

We had this on our FS start at comp. School promised he would be in the class with at least one other child from primary. He wasnt. I was massively upset especially as out of the 14 lads from primary, moving into 8 classes at comp, 1 class had 5 of the boys, 2 classes had 3 boys, 1 class had 2 boys and our fs was on his own.
He was moved into a class that had 3 boys. J didn't care which lad it was from primary, just someone! They also did exactly the same to a girl from his primary school who was also successfully moved!

stormywhethers321 · 05/07/2024 01:48

It's probably just a mix-up; the HoY thought her friend was Clara B when it's Clara C or something similar. Just get in touch and give them a chance to fix it. Try that before going right to the Headteacher, as they are very busy and this is a problem thst can be resolved without escalation.

Kyros · 05/07/2024 02:05

Email, don't pop by. Forward her email.

If the school is oversubscribed they will likely not be able to move her, but schools that were oversubscribed 5 years ago are not filling up now. If there are less than 30 in each class they may be able to move her. Or eg someone may turn down a place, and be replaced by a waitlist child who could go into either class.

It doesn't hurt to ask, just accept it might be a no.

Original poster
Overthebow · 05/07/2024 05:46

What should I say in the email? I don’t want to be too harsh but I do want this sorted.

OP posts:
Original poster
Overthebow · 05/07/2024 05:46

ageratum1 · 05/07/2024 00:01

Do they go to the same preschool? It may be on their advice they are separated

They don’t go to the same preschool so don’t think that’s the reason.

OP posts:
DoublePeonies · 05/07/2024 06:28

Secondary here.
My very shy 11 year old was one of 8 from his school to go to a 10 form intake school - he already knew it was exceedingly likely he would be in a class on his own, and even less likely the one lad he got on with would be in his form.
He did transition knowing noone in his form. We moved house over the summer. One day 1 of year 7, some lads further up the road recognized him, rounded him up and they all walked to school together. Just about to finish year 8, and the whole group of them are inseparable.
It can work.
Message school if you are concerned, but it is very likely to be ok.

JMSA · 05/07/2024 06:32

Overthebow · 04/07/2024 22:48

Thanks I hadn’t considered speaking to the headteacher. I will go to the school tomorrow and see if I can speak to her.

Don't do this! It's absolute overkill.

VickyEadieofThigh · 05/07/2024 06:33

Overthebow · 04/07/2024 22:48

Thanks I hadn’t considered speaking to the headteacher. I will go to the school tomorrow and see if I can speak to her.

Please ring for an appointment if you want to see the head - she's likely to be unavailable if you go on spec.

Luio · 05/07/2024 06:47

I wouldn’t go to the head(they’ll just tell the head of year to deal). Just forward your original email to the head of year with her response and politely ask her if she would consider moving your child to be with at least one friend.

Smartiepants79 · 05/07/2024 07:00

Don’t just turn up. The chances of the head being available to speak to you are very small. Email or phone the school with your concerns and see what happens.

TaupeRobin · 05/07/2024 07:09

Another one saying don’t go to the head. Teacher first. Just forward the original email asking if it would be possible to be moved.