Not a state school bashing thread… but what do I do about this?

[Applesandooranges]

The local state schools are very bad. we broadened our search to a fifteen mile radius and all are sadly very similar. We have heard all sorts… knives, drugs, bullying, teachers leaving the classroom in tears, 38 in one class at one point.

we can’t afford private school especially now with the vat. We may have been able to have managed it before that but definitely not now. We can’t move due to our work. Well I guess we could move but it would massively affect our income.

I don’t know what to do. Maybe we do just suck it up and move and face a massive commute. I am so worried for dd as she is timid and don’t think she will do at all well in these settings. Is there any other solution? Can you appeal to schools further afield? My worry is the majority will be like this and how do you know unless you know people in the area. Feeling very stressed.

Have you visited any of the schools? Where will her friends from primary school be going?
Horror stories on the internet are not necessarily accurate or representative of how a school experience will be for any individual child.
depending upon the intake (generally around 230 per year here) your dd may well find herself not an outlier at all.
i went to a very insalubrious secondary school and was quiet and (frankly) a little odd. I found my tribe and did well, A levels, excellent university and so on. My middle and youngest children at at our nearest school that is often criticised online by some disgruntled parents, but their and our experience has been quite different.

Where are you living they all school in a 15 mile radius have knife crime, drugs and bullying (but just to say ALL schools have some issues with drugs and bullying, that’s teenagers for you)
You make it sound like they are all rife with county line gangs.

How many state secondary schools are there in that 15 mile radius?

EVERY secondary school in a 15 mile radius of your house is full of knives and drugs and bullying? All of them?

If the schools in your area are that bad, then the area itself must be terrible. Even ignoring the school issue, I would move before your children are teens to somewhere nicer and hopefully safer.

Find new jobs or find a way to deal with the commute.

Out of curiosity, I just checked rightmove. There are 30 secondary schools within a 7 mile radius of my house. Let’s go for a conservative doubling of this, I don’t believe that 60 secondary schools are all so horrendous that attending them isn’t a possibility.

Yeh right….

Nice one OP 😂😂

I would urge you to relook. Visit the schools, read the Ofsted reports, scrutinise their websites and social media. Try to find parents who have children who attend and talk to them. Go to their open days There are ALWAYS bad things to hear about every school but is this a true reflection of the school and its pupils as a whole?

I have 'heard' so many things about my local secondary where my kids went; children identifying as cats and being allowed to dress and play like cats in class, drugs being sold outside school, bullying, shit teachers etc etc. Yet my kids had a great experience as did their friends and the majority of their peer group. Of course there were a few undesirables and some drama but that's normal. I think if you have the right attitude and your child has the right attitude then they will do fine.

Also if you think there is no bullying or drugs in private schools then you are very much mistaken.

Forget “heard all sorts” - have you actually visited any of these schools? Spoken to the headteacher? Had a tour during a school day? Spoken to parents of current pupils?

I’ve had people say all sorts about the school my children will go to for secondary. Most of it seems to be either massively out of date (it’s amazing how long reputation lasts with schools), exaggerated hearsay or the same one or two incidents being spoken about endlessly. I don’t doubt the school has some bullying and the like, that’s almost universal, but I don’t think it’s the awful place it’s made out to be - my two visits, including talking to the head, senco, several teachers and a couple of current pupils meant I feel quite comfortable my children will be fine.

If it's a rural area, it could be considerably fewer.

There is only one rubbish school in 15 miles of where I live…. You should move and commute to work.

Welcome to Mumsnet.

All schools have some kind of bullying. What matters is whether your child is impacted and how it is dealt with.

Independent schools have their fair share of drugs issues too.

They're all full of drugs.

Only some have bullying

Very few have knife crime and it tends to be the area not the school.

Most schools set for subjects. If your child is bright and is put in top sets she'll never sit in a classroom with the ones you are worried about. They tend to segregate themselves at break and lunch as well.

We are very rural. There’s six schools we have heard about and looked into. The area we are in isn’t great but it’s very good for our work and we can’t work remotely. Just not sure what to do. I understand that all schools have problems I think i was just hopeful to hear something positive.

If all the schools in the area are that bad you need to move in general and find new jobs. Otherwise, you need to actually go around them and get more of a feel for the situation.

It's very sad, but there isn't a secondary school in the country, state or private, that doesn't have at least one student who carries a weapon or is involved in drugs.

Cross post. I think you need to change jobs and move. If you're rural and the area still isn't good there are big problems.

My DC’s secondary was an inner city state school with county lines issues, drugs, teachers not coping, bullying etc. All secondaries have an element of that to some degree. The ones that say they don’t are lying.

My youngest dd’s actual friendship group was a mix of high flyers, geeks, very affluent children and some from deprived households - all of them were just nice kids. All did ok and survived! Quite a few pupils we know went on to Oxbridge and top unis.

I wouldn’t be too put off by what you hear op. There will be a lot of normal children in the same situation and they will gravitate to like minded friends. Even if she does hate it, it’s not too detrimental to move in year 8 once you’ve got a bit more experience of what you’re looking for.

Good luck!

Visit the schools
Talk to parents at your DCs school. Where do their older dc go?
If you still can’t see your daughter there then
•state boarding
•private via scholarship/ bursary •Christ’s Hospital which is a needs blind fully funded school.

Our friends dcs go to a prestigious London private school.... drugs knives bulling eating disorders are rife...

I went to a well to do state in a middle class bubble... teenage pregnancy, drugs ... knives... just swept under carpet head in sand..

I thinknyabu making sweeping panicked statements and frankly if u r that worried pay... move and pay

And this is when it is swept under the carpet and dealt with...when it is common knowledge the domino effect is huge.

This surely varies hugely depending where you live. There's only 2 secondary schools within 15 miles of where I live.

When you say you have heard that they are very bad what do you mean? Have you visited? Read ofsteds? Talked to other parents?