Not a state school bashing thread… but what do I do about this?

[Applesandooranges]

The local state schools are very bad. we broadened our search to a fifteen mile radius and all are sadly very similar. We have heard all sorts… knives, drugs, bullying, teachers leaving the classroom in tears, 38 in one class at one point.

we can’t afford private school especially now with the vat. We may have been able to have managed it before that but definitely not now. We can’t move due to our work. Well I guess we could move but it would massively affect our income.

I don’t know what to do. Maybe we do just suck it up and move and face a massive commute. I am so worried for dd as she is timid and don’t think she will do at all well in these settings. Is there any other solution? Can you appeal to schools further afield? My worry is the majority will be like this and how do you know unless you know people in the area. Feeling very stressed.

Look into online schooling. It's far more affordable than a standard private school.

I think your sources are important, if you've heard all this from someone who chose to go private, then take it with a huge pinch of salt. The level of exaggeration is always higher when people are defensive about their choices.

If you've heard it from teachers, take more notice but start asking about proportions. I have a lot of horror stories from my DCs school, but it's pretty much all the same kid!

My kids do not go to a great school.
How do i know this? To be honest, only through what I hear from other parents and what I glean from my kids. And by living in the local area.

I teach in another school some distance away. I think it's a good school, but some parents probably see it in the same way my kids'school is seen.

I've offered my dc the chance to move. They don't want to. They're quiet kids but doing well academically.

Go to the school. A decent one will be happy to give you a tour.... with kids in situ. Get a feel for it.

Have you actually visited the schools? I suggest actually go and visit and see what you think about the school, discipline etc

My brother went to a top London private school. In the top 10 in the UK by GCSE results last year. Loads of drugs! These children had money to buy them. He was more into sport and stayed away from drugs.

Bullying/ knives. The latter probably not.

My middle ranking private school. Again, drugs not unheard of. But most girls went onto university and good jobs/ decent lives.

I've also heard horror stories about the local state secondaries here. But plenty of children I know attend and do well. Middle class area.

My point, if your child wants to get involved in that kind of thing they will. But it's generally a choice and they don't have to!

I wouldn’t send my DD to state school either OP. Could you work weekends doing something to pay for private? How bright is she? Would she get a scholarship? I’d speak to the schools you are interested in. Most have bursaries for lower income families.

And remember: you will only hear the horror stories; no one talks about how normal most of the days are.
"How was school today?"
"shrug alright."
Probably most days. Interspersed by the occasional bonkers/dramatic event. Which, sadly for my dc, are never as dramatic as they think, as I've been teaching a lot longer than they've been alive.

YABU and you know it. What bollocks about every school in 15 miles being warzones. Is this really just another disguised thread about the evil of VAT on private school fees? Grow up.

I would take hearsay with a pinch of salt

Where have you heard this stuff? From the school? Parents with children at the school? Newspaper reports?

Or is it local gossip & unsubstantiated rumour?

You need to go and visit these schools, read their Ofsted reports, look at their results online instead of panicking and being stressed. Make sure there is something to panic about first.

There were stabbings at every state secondary in my area last year. It’s partly why one of my friends sold her house to send her sons to private secondary as boys are often targetted. But the risk isn’t the same for girls.

The school my DD's go to is in special measures. It's not in a good area. People are always yammering on about bullying and other issues on Facebook.

When my dd started there she didn't know one single person. She's quiet and gentle and academic. She absolutely thrived, as did my dd2 is not quiet, gentle or academic.

She made friends, she joined clubs, she did her work. Nobody bullied either of them. It's not been without its problems. My oldest never had a qualified art teacher the whole time she was there for example. But they were both happy and my oldest who has some her GCSEs got really good GCSEs and she is doing her A levels now.

I'm not sure girls have a great time at private school if 'everyone's invited' is anything to go by

I think all schools have occasional incidents but they are not necessarily part of the culture. The question is, how does the school deal with it?
What are their safeguarding and behaviour policies like, and how are they enforced.

A child could turn up at any school with drugs or a knife, but a good school will take swift, robust action.
It’s not nice to think about when you are moving from nice primary, but sadly it’s part of the world our children are stepping out into.
There’s a difference between ‘someone brought drugs into school and was swiftly excluded, and ‘the school has a drugs problem’ IMO.

Visit the schools, get a feel and ask to see policies relating to your concerns - behaviour, bullying etc.

And think about your child. What are their strengths and passions and can the school support those - because happy children are more resilient.

I moved house several times to build up equity and move to an area with a great secondary school. I assumed my son would do well there and go to uni.

My son left school at 16 and has joined the RAF as he desperately wanted to work with computers (cyber security). He needed 2 grade gcse. That was it. He is very academic (but struggles in other ways) so he could have achieved those grades without going to a great school.
I also wanted that particular school for him so he could make good connections eg his friends became lawyers etc rather than drug dealers.
He only made 2 friends at school as he is a quiet (but in my opinion amazing) child.

So with all the effort, stress and money I spent making sure we could live in the catchment area the school made absolutely no difference to his life.

Just an anecdotal story that the school they go to isn't everything.

If your child goes to a "rubbish" school you could always pay for a maths and English tutor and get them to join a club they are interested in where they might meet a different group of friends. Eg army cadets/ competitive swimming/ a
Band or whatever they are interested in.

It can be different in small private preps where everyone goes to the same few secondaries . Kids who start from the beginning often build a community by the time they’re in Secondary with parents often looking out for them. Labour will destroy all of that of course. Only the Etons, Harrows and Malboroughs will be left standing after this vat mess.

Are there any church schools you could apply for?

I went to a very rough school. It was fine.

As a teacher in a rural state school, this doesn't sound super realistic. Yes, there will be bullying and drugs- yes there are large class sizes, that is a reality of the teacher shortage, but equally look at the outcomes for previous high attainers, or try to find out what results etc are like...

Being honest, if there are 6 schools in the area and all of them have serious issues, as others have said, I would be looking to move. Even if you send your DD private or homeschool her, she will end up interacting and socialising with local teenagers, and she'll still be exposed to these issues. As she gets older, she will go out and socialise without you, and potentially end up in dangerous situations. If knife crime, county lines etc are major problems and prevalent throughout the community, then you can't really protect her from that.

I do think you need to find out the actual reality, from people with older teens at state schools, if you can. But if your perception of the schools is reality, and they are all terrible, then I would seriously be looking at moving. If you have well paying jobs in a rural area, then most of those jobs would be portable to another rural area, surely?

ETA: Also, if the area is that bad, local private schools will also struggle to recruit teachers, because teachers won't want to live there, regardless of where they work!

you do realise not everyone lives in a well-populated area just because you do? 🙄
there are whole swathes of the UK where there are NO secondary schools within 7 miles, let alone 30!

I heard that where the OP lives, it isn’t safe to leave the house without a bullet proof vest and all the yummy mummies are on drugs.
Honestly OP I suspect you are exaggerating a tad.
It will be interesting to see if these types of threads reduce after the election is over.

Not sure what your point is. Theres 5 within 7 miles of me. If you went further south there’s areas there’d only be two within 7 miles.