Work/Life Dilemma

[BestestBrownies]

Background:-

DP and I have both recently left our stressful, all-consuming, restrictive jobs approximately 3 years earlier than planned in order to protect our mental and physical health. The compromise being a very much smaller house and more frugal lifestyle than we would have ideally preferred. DP has taken early retirement as he is 12 years older than me. He has a very healthy private pension. I only have the state pension, which will be almost worthless by the time I am eligible to take it.

The Dilemma:-

I was originally going to set up my own 'lifestyle' business. This is low paid but very rewarding and fulfilling, allowing lots of spare time for personal hobbies etc, and a more balanced life that's essentially semi-retired; but it would involve being away from home for long stretches.

I have been offered a full-time job with a very good salary (much lower stress than my previous job), that would mean being in London Mon-Fri and only home at the weekends. The money would put me on a more equal footing with DP, and would mean we could do some desirable renovations to the house.

I am very much on the fence and can't decide. WWYD?

Take the low-stress, well-paid job, and bank every penny you can for five years. Then do your lifestyle business on the side. Would you have to pay for hotels for four nights if you go to London, though?

you say DP, are you married? Especially if not would continue to work full time to improve your personal pension position.

Wouldn’t spend the money on renovations, if you’re not married, would save it for yourself

Build up your pension.

Thanks @PonyPatter44

Accommodation for Mon-Thu night would be provided by the employer. I would travel home after work on Friday and back in on Monday morning (so sleeping Fri-Sun nights at home). It's not a job I could do WFH.

What's complicating matters is that I already have an established client base for my business (it's been my 'side hustle' for a few years now). I would have to build up from scratch if left it for any length of time. I can't do the London job and continue doing my own business as a side hustle unfortunately.

Aaaargh! I'm so torn.

No money in retirement is awful. Take the London job and bank the money for a few years

I would take the job. It sounds absolutely perfect for the last few years before retirement.

Edited to say - not perfect because of living away during the week. But otherwise perfect!

Are you married and how do you share your finances? If there’s any worry about money I’d take the job rather than risk being unemployable and poor in retirement.

I would take the job.

This is my biggest concern @Dozer & @StormingNorman . We are not married and have no intention to do so. Currently everything is 50:50, but there is a wealth disparity that will become more obvious over time because of his (gold-plated final salary), pension.

I am fiercely independent and don't like the potential for a future power imbalance. He is a good person, but has always insisted on separate finances. His DD is the sole beneficiary of his estate, for example.

Humm tough decision OP!. Ypu say your DP is 12 years older than you, that could make quite a lot of difference as you both age. Given that your not married and he's leaving everything to his children I think I would take the London job and build my savings/ pension provisions.

With the not being married update, a hundred per cent I would take the job.

I'm assuming that you don't have children at home - is there anything else that would be a problem staying away for the evenings, like a hobby, family commitments or weekly friend gathering?

Looking long term, is there a possibility to reduce days after a few years?

Take the job but use it for pension not renovations.

You are not married, not inheriting anything from him, and he is quite a bit older than you. Do the London job for a few years, save the money. You will need it.

Take the job. If you’ve not enjoying it, you can make a new plan.

Hmmmm... so a pretty unanimous consensus then.

In an ideal world, the job offer in London would have come along in about 6 months' time, giving me a chance to recover and concentrate on my health and wellbeing (whilst doing the easy lifestyle job). I am horribly burnt out from the toxic workplace I just left, and desperately need to reconnect with family and friends. Some of whom I haven't seen in over a year.

Head and heart are having a real battle!

Take the job. Look after your own interests and use the money for your old(er) age. You never know what's around the corner. Make sure your future is as safe and solid as it can be.

Would love to know what the side hustle is and what the job offer is…so bloody curious. As others said the job offers more security but if you have a passion for the lifestyle business do that and enjoy your time now, without sounding morbid you could literally get run over the day after you draw your first pension so yes it’s great having all that money but…live now

@ColinMyWifeBridgerton I am childfree by choice, so don't have any commitments that would affect me being away from home for half the week.

I suppose I could spend some of my salary on health/wellness improvements. I do feel guilty about letting my existing clients down though.

@Whatdoido123456 That's exactly what DP has said. He can't understand why I wouldn't take the opportunity to do my dream/passion job (it's equestrian, but I can't say any more than that before it becomes outing), and lead a completely stress-free, enjoyable life now.

The London job is promising low stress/less responsibility, but it's in my professional field, so there's no guarantee these things won't develop over time.

And yes, I am acutely aware that old age is not guaranteed. A very good friend of mine who is the same age as me had a tragic accident a few months ago and her injuries are life-changing and life-limiting. It was a big influence on the decision to quit our jobs in the first place.

This.

If your DP died and your DP's half of the house went to his daughter, and all you had was your half of the house plus your state pension could you manage? Would you get a spousal pension (not sure if this is possible if you aren't married - often you can nominate a spouse to get half of your DB pension when you die)?

Side hustle won’t pay the bills.

Not having any security, being much worse off than the man you live with and not enough money of your own or security isn’t ‘a dream’. Easy for your DP to encourage you in that direction from his financially secure position

Easy for him to say with his fat pension!