Being told I should move and he will tell DS if I don’t?

[Aqwepy]

Ex left me when pregnant, which I think is relevant, though he says I left him. I’m not sure how he’s come to that conclusion… he refused to speak to me for several weeks prior to birth, at which point I gave up.

Anyway, ds is now 3 and he has seen him most weekends despite living an hour away. He is now moving back to his home turf, where he grew up, for a job he says he can’t refuse.

He is saying I should move there too… so sell my home or rent it out and move… it is four and a half hours from where we currently are and where ds is in nursery.

I have said I do not want to move, he says I work from home mostly so I should be more flexible. His main point is this…. He said when we were together that he always planned on moving back to where he grew up and I agreed, which I did at the time as I thought we would be together happily ever after.

He is now saying if I don’t move that’s fine but he can’t see ds as much and he will explain to ds that I promised to move before I was pregnant and then changed my mind.

I am exhausted. Truly. Does he have a point here? I want what’s best for ds and I have done all I can to support their relationship but this feels like far too much to ask of me.

So ..... why is it OK for the ex to be away from his family and support network?

Daddy doesn’t get to make up stories and use his son as a weapon. Daddy can fuck off.

He can move away from his son but as you are not together he can’t expect you to follow.

What is your point here ? If you’re trying to make some equivalence between the ex and the op, she’s a single parent and for 95% of the time the only parent- he visits on the weekend. So stability is more important for her than him. What does he need a support network for? Looking after his child for the few hours a week he is supposed to?
but more to the point she lives where she’s always lived. He’s not her partner. He has no right at all to tell her to move. There’s no need to make any kind of fair decision about who needs support the most. She doesn’t have to move.

Absolutely not. Agreeing to move with a partner is completely different. Let him threaten what he likes, he is the one moving away, it’s on him

So if he does say this you just tell your son that you only agreed when you were together. Job done. Don't let him blackmail you like this. He's trying to control you. See through it and stay strong x

Absolutely do not move. He's a controlling idiot. What happens if he moves again?

Smile sweetly and ignore him. Your child is 3 a lot will change with this idiot before he turns 18

This is his choice to move and shocker it will be up to him to maintain a relationship with his 3 yr old son and newborn baby so he'll be the one who has to travel to see them.
Please take the necessary steps to ensure that you get maintenance for your kids at this point if you haven't anything in place legally. If you're managing to survive without him at the moment, you might consider putting that money into a savings account for your kids so that they can get the benefit of it later on.

Don't do it if he wants to see his son it's on him. If it's not this there will be something else. He's going to find reasons to bad mouth you because that's the type of person he is.

Don't slate him to your child and teach your child to be a good person and to respect others

What if he decides to move again? Are you just supposed to follow him around for the rest of his life? Please don't let him railroad you into doing this. It would be a miserable existence for you.

Tell him if your talking about broken promises, then he promised to be faithfully..
Tell him if he won't keep promises you don't need to.
Also that It is not your job to solve his problems.

Because it’s tough shit at times when you have kids and have established a life elsewhere. It goes both ways - I have zero family where I live (my hometown is 3 and an half hours away) and some days it’s bloody hard. But my children are settled here and their father is a 10 minute drive away. So I suck it up and crack on because that’s what a good parent does. He has a child to take care of, he should be as close in proximity to that child as is feasible to do his part.

Have you got this in writing from him OP?

I think this would hold up as parental alienation so if this ever went to court you would have this as proof of him trying to alienate you as a parent.

What you agreed as a couple does not matter now you are not a couple and that notion would also be laughed out of court.

He can tell DS whatever he likes. Stay where you have support and DS is settled. Honestly this isn't going to cause your 4 year old to think badly of you!

Basically he is planning on being a shit Dad and blaming you
Ignore the Twat

You probably agreed to give him a blow job around the same time, all bets were off when he decided to throw a diva strop when things didn’t go his way.

tell him to fuck right off and if he even dares to try and use emotional blackmail on you by weaponising his son you will tell anyone and everyone exactly what he’s up to and seek support from your ds’s school, dr, school nurse, literally anyone you can get to support your son with having a father who exhibits behaviours that are so damaging to him.

Did you miss the bit about him CHOOSING to move away? Why should the OP bow to the demands of an ex who had no regard for her and has not kept agreements and promises he made in the relationship?
He doesn’t get to tell her what to do anymore or exert control over her. 🙄

Remind him of all the other things you were going to do together, when you were together, I bet none of them are happening.

He can do whatever he likes, he can’t expect the world to move around him though.

seeing his ds is going to be hard but not insurmountable, he’s making choices he can deal with the consequences.

He sounds like a right charmer!
Don't worry OP, your boy will be able too ee through him when he is older. If it were YOU moving away with DS, far from his dad, yes he would've a point, but here it is him choosing to distance himself (don't believe the rubbish about the job - if he wanted to see his son he would only accept a job close to him).

Do Not Move to his hometown
His turf
You're not together
You will be miserable and trapped there or forced to facilitate contact for him and do the heavy lifting if you try to move awy

OP should also care more about Paw Patrol and Cheese strings than what her sh*tty ex wants.
Paw Patrol and Cheese strings are awesome.

Oh dear OP, I can feel your exhaustion across the internet.

Ex left me when pregnant, which I think is relevant, though he says I left him. I’m not sure how he’s come to that conclusion… he refused to speak to me for several weeks prior to birth, at which point I gave up.

I can answer this one for you if it helps? I am assuming that he did not talk to you because you had done/not done something that he was annoyed about? He was not breaking up with you when he disappeared for weeks. He was punishing you. You were then supposed to grovel and apologise and promise to do /not do whatever he wanted forever more. As far as he is concerned, the fact that you did not do that IS you leaving him. His behaviour prior to that was completely valid.

Do not move if you don't want to. I don't know your situation with family support, but I'm guessing it's there. He probably will tell your DS all kinds of things, but the truth is that he would tell them lies no matter what happens with this move - he's teling you very clearly how he plans to co-parent: if you disagree on things, he will lobby your child to make out you're a bad guy.

The good news is that as you are the primary parent and will be the one who is there day in and day out and he's clearly not planning to do anything of the sort, you're good.