Thoughtless gifts AIBU

[Itsrainingten]

Anyone else really hate getting thoughtless gifts and think it's REALLY selfish?
As adults DH and I tell everyone we don't need gifts for birthdays/ Christmas whatever but there are certain people who decide to give us presents regardless. That's very kind and generous IF they've actually taken time to think of something we'd probably like or enjoy. But what I really hate and don't understand is family members who ignore the request for no presents and go out and buy something that there is actually zero reason to think we'd want. And then get offended when we don't gush about it or really use it. WTF is that all about? Some recent examples have been - a cycling jersey for DH who doesn't own a bike or even have any wish to, a knitting bag for me when I don't knit, gifts aimed at 5 year olds for our 11 year old twins.
WHY? it feels like an attempt to control us or maybe people are unloading shite they've been gifted themselves?
If we're honest (but kind) about it because we really don't want all this waste and then effort on our part to have to try and return stuff, we get huffy responses about how it's the thought that counts and we're really hurting there feelings by saying we don't want it. But WHERE IS THE THOUGHT? That's what I don't get. There is no obligation at all to get us anything and we always make that clear. If they must get us something to make themselves feel better then I guess smellies or food would always at least be useful.
Why do people do it? And AIBU to not be grateful?

My family don't do Christmas presents. Just spend on our birthdays.

I get death stares from people when I say the above.

Talking of thoughtless gifts. I remember many years ago, a woman came through my till with about 40-45 tubs of Roses and she said "oh that's my Christmas shopping done". Glad not related to her as she would give every person a tub of Roses. So if you live in a family of 5 - 5 tubs!

Another pointless gift I got frequently as a teen - those make up sets with about 80 different colours of eyeshadow. Didn't wear much make up then - can't now due to eye condition.

I'm one of those people who probably exacerbates this behaviour because I will slap on a smile and be grateful for even the most ridiculous present. I just like getting presents. Even the furry, sparkly baseball cap my Auntie got me (she is notorious for utterly bizarre Christmas gifts in my family)

Sometimes I wish I could be more like my big brother, who Auntie still doesn't buy any gifts for at all after he responded to her "it's the thought that counts" with "were you thinking of me or Jeffrey Dahmer when you bought this shirt?" 🤷‍♀️

We don't do presents at all now but one close relative would buy "bargains" all year then give a present to someone whether it would be something they would like/use or not.

I got some weird/awful ones in the past, thank goodness we don't do it any more.

A bottle of wine always gets used or re gifted.

I like plants but not flowers. Flowers are basically dead/dying.

Your brothers reply made me choke on my coffee! Wonderful 🤣🤣

If buying a gift card for someone. Make sure 1. There's a shop nearby 2. If tech savvy, a website for able to use GCs on and 3. The shop(s) sells stuff they like.

Had 1 and 3 apply to me many times. Mid 90s, I got a gift voucher for H&M. Heard of them as in teen mags and think where is the nearest one to me. Found out it was 80 miles away. About 18 months later, there was one that opened in the city. From what I remember was my parents and I were going on holiday and flying from an airport about 100 miles away and visited H&M en route to hotel as had a 5am flight the following morning.

As my birthday is in January - got loads of book tokens as a kid for both Christmas and B'day. I loved books as a kid - thanks to GCSE English, my love for books has been killed off. It took me all year to spend the tokens.

It's annoying because in addition to the waste, you then have to get rid of it in a way that it will be used again which takes effort. I would give the names of charities I support and if they insist on a gift ask them to please make a donation in my name.

@Skyrainlight that's a good idea. I will try. I suspect it will be unsuccessful because these particular people seem to love getting stuff but worth a go.

If you know they love buying things and ignore requests for vouchers, why not ask for something specific? Something you would use (even if it’s hideous) like tea towels, or a storage basket or socks?

What about regifting the same present back to them? If they don't like it.... well, you put a much thought into the present for them as they did for you.

I'm afraid I've no answer to your question as to why people do this, it's frustrating as hell 😒

You’re obviously right but I can’t get worked up about it to be honest. People want to be seen to get you a gift but can’t be arsed to think about it or perhaps don’t know you well enough to pick something appropriate, so they go utterly generic or completely left field. That’s fundamentally what it’s about.

My dad used to give me fairly odd presents - book of napkin folding, box set of Sharpe dvds, excel book. There was always some sort of thought involved so I appreciated it. But yes I agree wholeheartedly with the OP.

I think it depends on the gift voucher and whether it is stuff that you like and will enjoy. So a certain amount of thought goes in to that I guess in that you need to consider what sort of things the recipient likes.

Book tokens for instance are always well received here. Vouchers for "experiences" are often more problematic as they often require a bit of organisation and further expense. Having said that I have had one or two cracking days out as a result of vouchers of this type.

@Itsrainingten
They sound like a compulsive charity shop shopper tbh. We have several of these types who buy random stuff that is new with tags and admit that they check their stash near Christmas and then divvy it up to friends and relatives as it saves them shed loads of cash. That's probably why the gifts seem random and as if they don't know you - this stuff has to be gifted somewhere!

Although I've had questionable gifts in the past, I can't beat the present my friend got from her MIL many, many years ago. It was a ladies roll on garment with suspenders but not only was it horrible, it had been well worn by someone, god knows who though as MIL bought it in a second hand shop. 🤢

Friend threw it out.

A black hole rug would be useful if you chuck all the unwanted presents into it and see them vanish

As someone who once got a really cheap and nasty not-wool pompom hat with a fox face on it from my adult SD for Christmas (her Dad was speechless), you are not BU to not be grateful, OP.
I considered regifting it back to her for her birthday but I just stopped buying her gifts so now she gets nowt😜

Do you buy presents for others, @Itsrainingten?

When I said I wasn’t doing gifts anymore and didn’t expect any, it stopped.

It helped the people who feel obliged to reciprocate, bow out.

My late great aunt used to knit with wool - which I’m allergic to. Plus used to knit with hideous colour combinations and patterns. Mustard yellow and jade green checkerboard with heather sleeves and black cuffs, neckline and hem?

She insisted that I wore her latest creation when I next saw her. I was itching and burning like hell.

Mum kept telling LGA that I am allergic to wool. Didn’t listen. Didn’t know what happened to the jumpers

I agree, actually don't like presents. I honestly don't want any. I like what I like and would rather just buy stuff I want. Even stuff like chocolate or alcohol- someone got me rhubarb gin last year which is fine and I drank it but I actually prefer a non flavoured gin. It sounds ungrateful and I do appreciate the thought but I'd just rather spend time with people. It's my birthday soon and DH will pay for a nice meal out/night away or similar which I prefer so much more than actual stuff that I don't want or need.
Children's presents are just ridiculous too, so much waste just for the sake of it.

Ah but sadly it's not a real black hole. That's the only downside

It was basically this

Ugh @CatamaranViper that is bloody horrible. Actually makes me feel funny, like sort of dizzy looking at it.

This is GOLD.

People should not be making themselves skint by buying crap. Why waste time, money and effort in buying crap?

Gift sets are one of the obvious “no thought given” gifts. As there’s always something which I don’t use. Bubble bath, bath bombs, body lotion (only can use certain ones). Then those hot chocolate sets - enough for one sodding mug of it. Plus those little pots of jam which don’t cover a slice of toast. A scone perhaps. You think to yourself that you have the ‘free’ set as purchased from Boots or other retailers when they are 3 for 2.