Daughter/ scolhool/ refusing to attend

[Devonshirerexx]

My DD refuses to attend school.

We have had her assessed by CAMHS, but she refused to engage with them.

The school is not helping.

We tried a managed move, which resulted in her having a boyfriend.

She was then attacked by the said boyfriend.

She has also since been to a school for special educational needs and therapy.

Again, she didn't engage.

She is back at her old school with a part-time timetable.

She does have ADHD and is on the spectrum for autism.

She does whatever she likes. We set up her work experience.

The school is saying there is no reference to this.

It was done and organized.

They don't believe in ADHD as it is a Catholic school.

So there is no support in place.

They just send snotty voicemails telling me to get my daughter to school.

Like I don't try!

Has anyone else been through this?

Is there any advice, bar judgment?

I will add more context, depending on any advice received.

TIA

Why is she refusing to engage and go to school? As in, how does she say she feels about it? Is it boring, is it too hard, is she overwhelmed, is she anxious etc?

The Wexp difficulty will be because schools have legal responsibility for students during g school hours, and have to prove that they’ve taken “reasonable steps” that a child on Wexp will be safe. The employer is responsible for H&S, but school has to check the employer is going to follow good practice and safeguarding. Typically checking they have valid Employers Liability Insurance and getting them to answer some questions. If you give school notice, they may be able to do this for you. Especially if they normally offer Wexp.

They "don't believe in ADHD because it's a Catholic school". That's certainly not the case.
Have you had meetings with the SENDCO?

Tbh she's had a lot more support than many other school refusers.

How old? I'm guessing end y10 due to work experience reference, so 15?

What are the consequences for her not attending school?

This...

But could I ask please -

What support have you had from the health services @Devonshirerexx for her ADHD and autism?

Yeah this.

Have you met either sendco?

“They don't believe in ADHD as it is a Catholic school.”

That needs to be rephrased. They don’t believe in ADHD because they’re a crap school.
I’ve worked in a catholic school for years and have taught multiple children with ADHD and they’ve always been properly supported.

Is there a family support worker at the school? If not send an email to their pastoral team requesting a plan to help get her in school. At least that way they can’t say you are unsupportive.

I've met with senco

No consequences from school
Only home ie taken phone and grounding (which is no good as she doesn't go out)
No devices

Camhs unlisted her due to her not wanting to take part in dbt.
The new head told me that due to the school being Catholic their is no regard for such things as anxiety and adhd, that it is all due to covid and all the other students still partake
The pastoral don't contact me or arrange meetings. (I have tried)
I've had to do the ehc myself
Yeah she is 15
Her anxiety around a school setting is high
She is a well mannered intelligent girl , a fantastic artist
But my worry is her education
Lack of
It's been this way for a year
I got some help from a team around the child but ended up putting things in place myself so they are no longer involved as I have done all the right things

Applications to other schools
She has friends one in particular that she has now fallen out with (not her doing)
That's knocked her confidence
I can't homeschool due to full time work , even if I went part time I have other children , it wouldn't work.
I am at my wits end I have literally done everything I can where school is concerned but due to her not attending I can't get her re allocated to a new school
We tried a managed move and a therapeutic school but she couldn't go in half the time due to her anxiety.
I have exhausted all avenues
Unless anyone knows of anything else i could try or experience with this type of situation 🙏

Extreme anxiety

Thanks they were the words of the head teacher.
I went to a Catholic school
and all ailments were catered for and yes it is just a crap school.

We had a diagnoses and offer of dbt
She wasn't offered medication
As they had no space for her to see the psychiatrist.
Now she has been written off as wishes wouldn't partake in DBT

From school none
At home no devices , phone confiscated.
Not allowed to leave home without me.
But she is in her element at home as she hates leaving the house.

Amxiety

Firstly please don't punish a child for being anxious. Can you imagine if your loved ones response to your extreme anxiety was take her phone away?

It's the environment and that needs to change, not the child. Her school sounds crap.

I have a 13 year old who experiences emotional based school avoidance - i understand how hard it is.

Firstly, I would reframe your thinking. This is a child who Can't go to school, not Won't. This shift in thought pattern for me was game changing. Could she be in burnout? Autistic burnout is very common and not well understood, particularly in girls.

Did I read that you've completed an EHC needs assessment? If so, great! I don't know how far along the process you are, but don't be put off if they reject it, it's really common and will likely be granted on appeal (from experience). Frankly, this school sounds dreadful and not suited to her needs.

Are there any 14+ colleges near to you?

You could also write to your local authority to request temporary education be put in place due to your DD not being able to access school. There are templates on the IPSEA website.

Prioritise your relationship with your daughter, spend time doing things she enjoys and always always let her know you're on her side.

I'm sure there is lots I'm missing, but I just want to let you know that there are masses of us going through the exact same thing, you're not alone

My ADHD/ASD daughter missed most of year 10 and 11.

Mainstream secondary school is absolute mental torture for many ASD teenagers. My daughter just couldn't cope with it.

Autistic burnout is sadly very common at this age. It's debilitating and unfortunately not very well known about by most people. I'd never heard of it until my daughter was suddenly deep in a dangerous burnout. I learned a lot but sadly mostly too late.

The school sounds awful.

Go back to your local authority to see what they can offer. It sounds like she's had a lot put in place already but may be too far in burnout for anything to succeed.

My DD wasn't offered and thousands like her, sadly are usually offered very little. CAMHs don't seem to be able to cope with autistic burnout either. Often the only way to recovery is complete rest for a while.

What was the outcome of the parental EHCNA request you made? Does DD now have an EHCP? If so, what provision, including therapies (e.g. OT, SALT, MH therapies such as animal assisted therapy), is in there? If school is inappropriate have you considered EOTAS?

It is far more likely DD can’t engage rather than won’t and the type of support needs amending so DD can get to a point where she can engage. What are DD’s interests?

The LA has a duty to ensure DD still receives a suitable full time education. Often the way in to get DC to a point they can engage is via their interests. For example, if DD likes gaming there are alternative provisions based on gaming. Same if DD enjoys sports. If DD enjoys animals there are lots of provisions based on animals.

She is an incredibly talented self-taught/natural artist.

I have another meeting on Tuesday.

I will take on all advice given.

I was not aware of autistic burnout.

Thank you.

OP
No consequences from school
Only home ie taken phone and grounding (which is no good as she doesn't go out)
No devices

Have the phone and devices been given back to her?

'The new head told me that due to the school being Catholic their is no regard for such things as anxiety and adhd, that it is all due to covid and all the other students still partake'

How recently was this said to you?

If this was said to me, I would write to the Headteacher saying...

Dear Headteacher

Just to confirm our conversation earlier this week, I would like to check my understanding of your comment in which you said that as the school is Catholic, there is no regard for things such as ADHD or anxiety'. Please could you confirm which parts of the Equality Act you propose to ignore when you deny the existence of ADHD which is a registered disability.

Additionally, please confirm whether this is your personal standpoint, the standpoint of the school governors, the standpoint of the Catholic Church or all three.

Please could you also let me know which Special Educational Needs professional advises the school as I would like to ensure that they are aware of the disability discrimination that this stance demonstrates.

Regards

I don't know where you are, but google EBSA and your LA - there should be a guidance document that sets out the responsibilities of those involved.
If there isn't one for your LA, the information from other LA’s will be similar.

Arm yourself with the information ready to meet with the school. Challenge them regarding expectations of their role.
Are you meeting your role as a parent too?

Has your daughter a health care plan?

This is from an LA.
https://www.lincolnshire.gov.uk/support-education/emotional-based-school-avoidance-ebsa/2

Sending your disabled child to a school that doesn't believe in her disability will be nothing other than damaging for her. I would do anything to get her out of there.

Yes, totally agree.