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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask if you knew your friend was lying..

27 replies

strawberryjeans · 03/07/2024 16:51

Would you call them out? They’re absolutely lying and I have the evidence to show for it. It’s a trivial thing and a weird thing to lie about, I just have no idea why they’re not being honest!

OP posts:
AnImaginaryCat · 03/07/2024 16:54

Yes. Don't think I'd "call them out" though. Well unless the lie had a negative effect on me. (Obviously, depending what you mean by calling out.)

I just asked the privately why they weren't being truthful.

FuzzyStripes · 03/07/2024 16:55

No because intentionally calling people out just to be superior is a dick move.

ClawdeenWolf · 03/07/2024 17:08

I think for me it would depend on the lie. Is it something important?

TomatoSandwiches · 03/07/2024 17:13

Depends on what it was about, if it was a lie to me or towards someone else and if we were in other people's company etc.

Psychoticbreak · 03/07/2024 18:03

I would probably just ask them what the reason was for the lie. Could be valid.

Changemynameforumpteenthtime · 03/07/2024 18:07

I’d say it depends.

is it because if insecurity? ( lying about income, job title, where they went on holiday )

or is it something which could have more damaging consequences?

I think lots of people tell fibs. For example, I’ve heard a friend pass off my anecdote as theirs ( they obviously forgot who told them it). But would never call them out on it.

DaisyChain505 · 03/07/2024 18:14

We’re going to need more info on the lie

MassiveOvaryaction · 03/07/2024 19:03

"Call them out" sounds negative and accusatory to me. I would maybe be tempted to ask in a normal, polite, civil manner though if it was something that concerned me/my family. Otherwise I'd probably leave it.

Ahlovetoloveyoubaby · 03/07/2024 19:27

People do things for lots of different reasons. You are not motivated by kindness. Who gives a shit whether they lie.

Oldcroneandthreewitches · 03/07/2024 19:30

It depends.

My best mate I’d say ‘why the fuck your lying 😂😂’

Bunnyhair · 03/07/2024 19:31

Did she lie under oath? Did she lie under questioning for a crime? Did she lie in the course of stealing your identity and committing fraud? No? Then surely life is too short for shit-stirring drama like this.

YourMommaWasASnowblower · 03/07/2024 19:31

I think you will come off worse if you call them out.
It also is very dependent on what the lie was and if your “proof” is 100% accurate. Also ask yourself why you went looking to prove her wrong. Do you want to Lord it over her? Tear her down? Or something else?

toppcatt · 03/07/2024 19:31

I’d say it depends if you want to keep the friendship or not.

litlleseahorse · 03/07/2024 19:33

Changemynameforumpteenthtime · 03/07/2024 18:07

I’d say it depends.

is it because if insecurity? ( lying about income, job title, where they went on holiday )

or is it something which could have more damaging consequences?

I think lots of people tell fibs. For example, I’ve heard a friend pass off my anecdote as theirs ( they obviously forgot who told them it). But would never call them out on it.

This. Calling someone out over a tiny insignificant white lie is a dick move and it's massively hypocritical because we have all lied at one point or another. There isn't a person alive who can say they have never told a lie at one point or another.

Lying about something really serious that could have truly damaging/detrimental effects on other people - yes, absolutely. Context is literally everything here in this dilemma.

Reducti · 03/07/2024 19:34

If it’s trivial then why do you want to? Odd for them to lie, but why do you want to embarrass them?

Funkyfizz · 03/07/2024 19:39

Depends. I probably wouldn't call them out though.

KreedKafer · 03/07/2024 19:52

If it’s trivial and harmless I wouldn’t say anything. Why would you? When people tell a pointless white lie like that, it’s usually either because of some kind of insecurity, or it’s a moment of madness and even they can’t really articulate why they said it.

A while back I was getting my nails done and the nail tech asked me about my accent because she’s from the same part of London as me (200 miles from where we now both live). I said where I was from and she asked me where I went to school, and for some reason, instead of explaining that we’d actually moved to a different area by the time I started secondary school, I just randomly said the name of one of the schools near where I was born. Absolutely no idea why. No clue. It’s meaningless and there was no advantage to it. As soon as I said it I thought “Why did you say that, you weirdo?” and if I was ‘called out’ on it I’d have been utterly mortified and unable to explain.

Reducti · 03/07/2024 20:39

KreedKafer · 03/07/2024 19:52

If it’s trivial and harmless I wouldn’t say anything. Why would you? When people tell a pointless white lie like that, it’s usually either because of some kind of insecurity, or it’s a moment of madness and even they can’t really articulate why they said it.

A while back I was getting my nails done and the nail tech asked me about my accent because she’s from the same part of London as me (200 miles from where we now both live). I said where I was from and she asked me where I went to school, and for some reason, instead of explaining that we’d actually moved to a different area by the time I started secondary school, I just randomly said the name of one of the schools near where I was born. Absolutely no idea why. No clue. It’s meaningless and there was no advantage to it. As soon as I said it I thought “Why did you say that, you weirdo?” and if I was ‘called out’ on it I’d have been utterly mortified and unable to explain.

I have done stuff like this too. Often because I don’t have the energy for the big explanation but it’s never planned and it’s not often. I think it’s a harmless white lie that ends a block of small talk so another can begin - or so there can be a little bit of quiet.

Sunnydiary · 03/07/2024 21:00

Impossible to say without more information.

silentassassin · 04/07/2024 06:14

A while back I was getting my nails done and the nail tech asked me about my accent because she’s from the same part of London as me (200 miles from where we now both live). I said where I was from and she asked me where I went to school, and for some reason, instead of explaining that we’d actually moved to a different area by the time I started secondary school, I just randomly said the name of one of the schools near where I was born. Absolutely no idea why. No clue. It’s meaningless and there was no advantage to it. As soon as I said it I thought “Why did you say that, you weirdo?” and if I was ‘called out’ on it I’d have been utterly mortified and unable to explain

Exactly. I have done the same. I used to have quite bad social anxiety and have on occasion blurted out the first thing that came into my head (from sheer anxiety and feeling a pressure to answer) and then thought WTF?- why did you say that? Then you have to go along with it because you can hardly say actually I just lied about it can you?

It was never done intentionally to lie, or to deliberately mislead anyone in any kind of malicious way, it was just a knee jerk answer to fill the conversation in an acceptable way that my fight or flight mode brain just shoved out of my mouth before I could think about it. If someone had "called me out" on it, I would have probably cried and it would have made me feel even more anxious/worthless than I already did at the time. There are explanations why people do this about trivial things and they arent all due to that person being horrible or being some kind of arch machiavellian.

autienotnaughty · 04/07/2024 06:43

Trivial , nothing to do with you and a one off I'd leave it.

If it was a persistent lie or one that impacted in some way I'd probably have to say something

IncompleteSenten · 04/07/2024 07:47

If the minor lie was damaging me or making me look bad I would. Otherwise, probably not for a single small lie, no.

LadyoftheRibbons · 04/07/2024 07:52

I had a friend like that.

The lies she told were pretty small, insignificant things per se, but there were a lot of them and it felt very weird. When asked about them (not confronted, I was just wondering whether something was Version A or Version B ) she would either become visibly confused / teary or she doubled down.

I never confronted her about that because of her reactions but it made me mentally distance myself from her.

LadyoftheRibbons · 04/07/2024 08:15

litlleseahorse · 03/07/2024 19:33

This. Calling someone out over a tiny insignificant white lie is a dick move and it's massively hypocritical because we have all lied at one point or another. There isn't a person alive who can say they have never told a lie at one point or another.

Lying about something really serious that could have truly damaging/detrimental effects on other people - yes, absolutely. Context is literally everything here in this dilemma.

Show quote history

I think one tiny white lie would not have made OP ask.

I have known a person who would make A LOT of those tiny white lies that did not harm anybody per se - the problem was the number of those.

I think it was out of insecurity and of a need to look better (there was no need for that, she was an admirable person even without this BS).

Edenmum2 · 04/07/2024 08:25

Obviously we need to know the lie. I wouldn't just humiliate them for no reason