What would you do in this situation? Another child hurt my child and it’s been made out to be my child’s fault

[upsetparents]

What would you do in this situation??

My little boy is almost 3 and we were at his gymnastics class today and he went to use the roller mat and a little girl smacked him in the face and she wanted to keep going on it. She was with her grandma who hasn’t brought her before and she said nothing to me but very quietly told the little girl not to do that.

About 5 minutes later my little boy went to play in the tunnel that she was playing with and the grandma asked him to take turns and put it back and then grabbed his arm and moved him away from it for no reason and said nothing to me again!! The little girl then smacked him in the face repeatedly (about 4 times) and pulled his hair hard. He was crying (which is very unusual for him so it must have hurt) and they left the class.

I’ve just had a call from the teacher saying that I need to tell him to use kind hands ect. more as he has a high pain tolerance and doesn’t understand that hitting hurts (yes, he does have a high pain tolerance but he has never attacked anyone and he did literally nothing to the little girl today!!!) as the grandma was upset and has told her a different story apparently different people saw different things!?

What on earth? If my child had hurt someone I wouldn’t lie about it. We go to classes 3 times a week and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do but they clearly don’t believe me…

Why would you not have spoken to the granny? She obviously sees it as her granddaughter was playing and your son came to her, maybe trying to take things off her? What do the teachers think happened, and who’s the people that saw different things?
They are 3, don’t overthink it, just keep a close eye and next time speak up.

What did the other people say they saw?

Id be telling the gymnastics teacher exactly what happened and question have they ever seen your child do something before - no! So why do they think you’d be lying and him do something so out of character. I’d also be saying that you hadn’t intended on raising what happened to your son to avoid drama for the club but you feel you need to correct them and your upset at the accusations. I’d also personally get on my high horse and say why is there a presumption a boy would hit a girl but not a girl hit a boy - just because I’m a pain in the arse but it does make them think because there’s still such a different approach with genders and kids and their approach when tackling stuff like this, I’ve noticed girls get off lighter than boys would.
If this little girl has lashed out at your boy, the chances are she will again at another child and when she does, you can say I did warn you. Then be the bigger person and then let it go.

Another child hit him, he didn’t retaliate and he is the one being blamed? No that isn’t fair.

I'm confused why you didn't stand up for your little boy at the time. It's not ok to let them be hurt deliberately

You didn’t say anything when the grandmother grabbed him by the arm? I couldn’t have kept quiet then.

I'm really not sure why you didn't deal with it at the time - both with the leaders and the grandparent if necessary

Did you ask the teacher to speak to the other child's mother/granny to ensure they use kind hands and not hit your son?

Why didn't you do anything on the day? Either talk to the grandmother/teacher or email when you got home.

You watched your son get hurt several times, you didn't intervene in any way or do anything about it.

How did she manage to smack him repeatedly in the face and pull his hair without you intervening? 😳

Did you intervene at all, at any point?

When the grandmother put her hands on your son, why didn't you do/say anything? I'm sorry, I really don't understand. You need to work on standing up for your son. You can't just stand passively by and watch.

Does he have a mark?

The Grans are the worst for this in my experience, you’d think they’d be super chilled out but no, and they always seem to stand there with pursed lips but say nothing to you.

They are little and don't have the skills to navigate this. Just carry on as usual and go to your classes. If the other girl is there, keep him well away from her. I am yet to meet a small child that hears the kind hands message and pay any attention, they just develop better skills naturally as they get older.

To be fair, it does sound as though your son tried to take each piece of equipment the little girl was playing with!
I am not saying that excuses the behaviour of either the grandmother or the little girl, but maybe some support for taking turns might be in order.
At this age they really do need very close watching - do you accompany your son around the apparatus?

I feel there’s more to this!

1 - You didn’t say anything when the granny grabbed your boy??

2 - Did you actually see what happened in the lead up to the incidents?

3 - Also why mention about his pain tolerance?

At the end of the day they are 3, they need guidance on right and wrong. This includes both kids. So reiterating kind hands etc to all kids at this age is a must.

This . She should not have manhandled your child .

Tell the teacher what happened and make sure she tells the girl to use kind hands.

If they are there again watch like a hawk and the minute the gran or girl step out of line speak to them and get the teachers attention.

Stand up for him at the time.

But in the meantime reply to the teacher that of course you will continue encouraging your son to be gentle and take turns in the future, but you would appreciate it if she could supervise the class closely enough to prevent him being repeatedly smacked in the face and having his hair pulled by certain children and make it clear to other adults attending that grabbing or manhandling other people's children is unacceptable except in cases where there is a clear safety risk.

Surely you pointed out that he hadn’t hit anyone?

Who is meant to be supervising as the teacher should have eyes on all the kids in the class as they are meant to supervise. If you are meant to supervise then be closer to your kid so that nobody has time to smack him in the face.

why didn’t you say anything to teacher at the time of the class?

Ask if they have cctv - some gymnastics clubs do. If so could they review the footage?

It’s ok to advocate for you child - both in the class and also speak to the staff there if there is an issue between the kids - more to make them aware so they are also vigilant.

How do you know he has a high pain tolerance? Seems quite an odd thing to know about a 3 year old.

In this situation I would have told the teacher that of course I would have that conversation with my child, but as it was another kid that actually hit him, I'd appreciate it if she could reiterate with the rest of the class, especially the child it's actually relevant to.

And then I'd go back to the class and if it happened again I would address it directly with the adult with the other child (even if that just means moving them away from one another).

Just reply chill.

Hi x, You have sent this email to the incorrect recipient?

See. You on x.