Some while back I posted something totally stupid on here, and it still haunts me. It was ill informed, it was done in haste, and it created mayhem. I want to apologise for that. And, if people believe it is unreasonable for me to try and bury my shame, by that means, then I am fully ready to accept that. This will be a little long, because I need to get it right. It may be vaguely amusing, for some, and if it so then I have zero issues with that. (Like I'm the reactions police!)
I bought a r/c car for my nephew, when he was 12. I am his uncle. First issue with the original post is that people assumed I was his aunt, and in the shit storm that ensued (and with me genuinely not understanding how to negotiate specific responses, on this site) I never put that right - and that meant that I couldn't even engage with people who were trying to be helpful, once it had all gone so far... The responses came so thick and fast (I was expecting maybe a handful) that there was no way I could deal with ANY of it, sensibly. I posted, and quite soon after grabbed a bite to eat, looked back and.... JFC!
Anyway, the model cost quite a bit, and was quite cool, and I said he could take it down to the area outside my (Social Housing) flat, and play with it on the tarmac that used to be a car park, but by then had a gate where the dustcart people have keys, and the fire brigade and, yes, it IS possible for cars to come in - to a restricted area, with a 5mph limit, but where if someone HAD somehow managed to run it over, by accident, I would probably have taken that hit. Warnings along those lines WERE in place. But, maybe even the permission on THAT area was a bad idea. However, it has these old decayed mini speed bumps, that were perfect, and most other areas round our way are taken over (quite rightly) by sports.
I was actually with him, down there, for a while, and then I went up to my flat. It's at the end of a block, first floor, nearest to the access road into the estate as a whole, and I watched for a bit, then went in. My nephew (I know a lot of this, because of subsequent conversations) then assumed I wouldn't know if he took the car under the barrier (where there was another of those little speedbumps) and out into the main access road. That road is quiet, and kids DO play on it, and it is blocked at one end to stop people rat-running. I've had to stop, before, for skateboards and bikes. I'm not saying it's right, that kids do this, and it is something I had absolutely told my nephew not to do, along with me telling him that if he ever saw a ball (or even an animal) go into a road, of any kind, he was NOT to chase after it. He did, on one occasion, follow that advice and see someone else's ball get run over by a bus, in an entirely different road. I'm afraid that rather fascinated him, but I still believe that what happened to his car (yes, getting to that) was NOT intentional, on his part.
So, he (meaning his toy) was now in the actual road, where he should NOT have been, even though this was hardly the M4. And, inevitably, a car came along. A woman, in a 4 x 4. The size of the car IS actually relevant, and only further underlines how stupid and (unwittingly) irresponsible this all was. My nephew ( I believe him) said afterwards that he did NOT try to 'buzz' her, or anything. What he did in fact do was leave his toy, still in the road, but on the opposite side to her approaching car. (This part, I happened to walk out and see, from the raised walkway to outside my flat, and it wasn't good viewing.)
What my nephew failed to take account of, was that the parking is on one side of the road, as the woman was approaching the flat, but on the OTHER side, for once she would have passed. So, she proceeded to cross the white lines, as she came towards his smaller car, and then ran her wheels right over it, and then kept going. I drive a car myself (I didn't say much about that, because of the whole Social Housing thing) but even I didn't catch on, straight away, as to the effect of the parking, on her clear decision to cross to the wrong side of the road, at that point. I CAN say, however, that I believe I would have been able to avoid the toy, given the speeds and distances involved, BUT, if I had come along in my own car, and seen what my nephew was doing, I'm not entirely sure that I would have. However, that would need to assume that I had not given my blessing to him playing in a disused car park, in the first place.
Anyway, we're getting the smashed mess out of the road, when she comes back. Given the nature of that road, this is NOT actually all that surprising - although I never said enough, so as to make clear how likely that would be. Perfectly possible that she discovered the road was bollarded, further down, or that she had dropped something off, again further down a closed road. She then pulled up and asked my nephew if he'd enjoyed what had happened. He started crying. Actually, in the end, I have no issues with this. Even if she did it totally on purpose, and then hammered it home, I still have no issues. In hindsight. Issues, only, with her needing to have been involved, at all.
I am NOT saying I had no responsibility in all this. I bought the car, I set him up in a (non) car park, I left him to his own devices, I did NOT specifically say, on THAT occasion, that he was on NO ACCOUNT to take that car into the road, or even to where it could be seen from the road, in motion. I genuinely hate when kids are allowed to do that. So, I didn't get it right, on that count, AT ALL.
I didn't get it right, either, in how I dealt with her. This was because I perceived her as aggressive, and almost like she was taunting him, and I didn't even get close to giving the apology I should have given, or to asking my nephew to do the same - regardless of tears. I knew, in my heart, that was wrong, and I did EXPECT to be told that, by some people, even though (yes, I admit) I deliberately chose to post in a place where I'd hoped the backlash wouldn't be TOO bad. I'm not a big SM person, even now. I DID feel bad for my nephew, despite everything. He clearly did not think about the set up of the road, when compounding his stupid decision, and what happened as a result was completely inexplicable, to him. He learned a great deal, that day, as did we all. I made a post, pointing a finger where I knew, even when I was still massively upset, I should not have been pointing it.
And, yes, perhaps it is still wrong, for me to try and get rid of my shame about this, with yet another dumb post. But, a part of this IS about saying sorry. I created a lot of anger, by not setting anything out properly, by feeling a bit pissed off, and by just hanging that washing out for other people to have to waste time and energy on.
Last bit. In the original post I also acted as if I had no idea that kids throw things under cars. I know it very well. A part of what I DID need people to remind me was, he might have taken a gift of mine, and decided he actually WANTED to see it get flattened. I was struggling to accept that possible reality.
I 'like' to think that a lot of his upset, afterwards, was about how this had played out for all three of us. And, for my own record, I honestly don't think that destruction was the intent. I think it was something entirely different. The r/c was actually a miniature of a real car, and quite big, as models go. He just wanted to see it on a real road, and didn't think - including not thinking about the result, for MOST cars, if the driver had needed to do the same thing.
If you got to the end of this, sorry. Sorry, for both posts, but more to do with the length, on this one. He's a great lad, and a lot of people in the first post were positive about what I try to do for him, however sometimes misguided. I hated that I couldn't even respond to THOSE comments. I'm not sure I've ever made myself look quite so utterly disgraceful, in my entire life!