Am i making a big deal out of this

[kinderbueno2024]

Hi I'm wondering if I'm BU here. Last week I did the food shop, bought treats and snacks that my family like but also bought myself a small bar of chocolate you know the small ones that are under 100 calories as a treat as I'm trying to loose weight.
When I went to get it that evening it was gone, my husband denied eating it so I assumed it was one of the kids. The next day he turns around and tells me he ate the bar but didn't want to tell me as he knew I'd be peeved and didn't want an argument over it.
Yesterday I did the food shop and as I'm on the road today I picked up a prepared salad and a fruit pots. The fruit pot was gone this morning and my husband told me he used it in the kids lunches despite there been other fruit he could have used. I'm then told it's not a big deal and I can just pick up another one on the road. Aibu here or does it just show pure lack of respect here?

Well it's annoying but to leap from that to a lack of respect does really explain why he was reluctant to tell you he had a snaxident with the chocolate bar

Did you specifically tell him it was yours?

YABU. It's "just one of those things" not a "lack of respect". Next time buy 2 of whatever it is. That way you'll have a reserve.

Unles you had explicitly told him these items were yours, I'd sayYABU.

Also, youneed to stash your chocolate, etc (items not requiring refrigeration) where they can't be nicked.

Labels. Sorted.

Get a Tupperware box labelled for you and put your stuff in it in the fridge/cupboard

If he then takes stuff from there you absolutely know he's being a dick.

If you buy stuff for yourself keep it in a separate box

And make sure you ask everyone if they had any specific requests

I completely understand it must be frustrating, as mums we don’t really get much that is just ‘ours’ so the few things we do are quite important, especially if it’s something to make our lives easier.
I have to have a specific diet due to bariatric surgery so I have a separate little part of the fridge, labelled, & a small separate shelf in a cupboard & my kids know not to touch anything in those places. It actually worked so well all 4 of us now have half a shelf each in the fridge & separate cupboard sections as I have a vegetarian, a fussy eater & a high protein adult child.
I would recommend using a sharpie to mark anything specific for you & also asking DH if there’s anything specific he wants from the shopping, or as someone else said, buying two (& labelling one yours ). Also tell DH eg the low calorie chocolate is yours so please don’t eat it/give to kids, if he eats/uses it after that, & then offer to get him something just his then yes he’s definitely being disrespectful but i imagine atm he just doesn’t get it’s yours for a specific reason

Did you tell him they were yours and not to use them? Sounds like instead of buying single items for yourself maybe buy more of them if it's things the rest of the family like.

Post it note - identifying it as yours.

It won’t stop him taking the piss and eating it but it will mean he can’t deny he thought it was a free for all.

If while doing the shop you bought one small bar of chocolate then it was unreasonable of your DH to assume you’d bought it for him! He should have asked you if he wanted it.

Agree with pp. Tupperware box with your name on with those hard to open clips so that it can't be mindless to take whatever is inside.

My house might be extreme but I got so sick of e.g crumbs in butter that I got my own that mucky males aren't allowed to touch and we all have separate toothpaste etc.

It's your home so you do whatever works for you.

Thanks everyone for the replies, I had bought my husband his own favourite treat last week too for that evening as well as my own which he ate both. He may not have been aware it was mine but he would have opened the fridge and saw his treat and the chocolate bar I'd bought myself which he knows I regularly buy in the shop as a treat.
He went to Aldi last week and bought himself a salad. He didn't tell me he bought it or that it was his I just saw it in the fridge. It never crossed my mind to eat it because first of all I knew I hadn't bought it and secondly I knew he must have for a reason.
I think I'll try the tubberware box and see how I get on.

I would be more worried that he felt he had to lie other than admit a mistake. Do you have form for getting moody? In our house if that had happened it would have been a case of 'I'd been keeping that for myself' 'Oh so sorry, I'll pick you up another one next time. Put a label on it to let me know' And case closed.

Another reason why I love living on my own.
Crumbs in butter crumbs over the table tops.
Buying something for me then it's gone.
Oh and that digging in to butter thing men do.
Mess all over the place.
I once told my ex if I wanted mess I'd have children to do it not a grown man.
Single now thank god.

Its annoying but unless you specifically told him those items were yours, how is he to know? I have the same issue in my house. My treats get used for the kids and like you as I am trying to lose weight its not as simple as just having the kids treats instead. I either now label them or put them in a container with my name on. It at last makes my DH think twice before using it.
I'd be more worried he felt it was ok to lie about it initially then the action of eating your treats.

You need to tell him “I have bought x, y and z items specifically for me, please don’t eat them or give them to the kids”. After that there’s no excuse and he’s being disrespectful.

@kinderbueno2024 you're not being unreasonable he's being a selfish & lazy twat.

Given those traits can't have suddenly appeared. He'd be gone by now. But should I find myself living with such a twat I'd get the twat told and use my sharpie liberally.

Good Luck with your diet, despite his lack of support.

He went to Aldi last week and bought himself a salad. He didn't tell me he bought it or that it was his I just saw it in the fridge. It never crossed my mind to eat it because first of all I knew I hadn't bought it

Exactly OP, I wouldn't have eaten it either so why does he not do the same? If there's something different in the fridge/cupboards that my DP doesn't usually eat then he will ask if it's OK to eat. Basic manners really

Eat/drink his stuff. Tell him its no big deal, he can easily replace. Then make sure he is aware of exactly what is yours. It will be very hard to lose weight without his support. Your little treats are to keep you on track and if they aren't there when you need them you'll eat whatever is there. He needs to be supportive.

I hide my chocolate. It’s the only way.

My df used to lock his chocolate in his bureau.
Not from us, we wouldn’t dare touch it. My dm , however, would eat it without a care. 😂

I’d be irritated about the chocolate but not think it was a “lack of respect”.

As for the fruit pot, did you tell him it was yours & not for the kids lunch? Do you only ever buy them for yourself and he could reasonably be expected to know that? Is he a mind reader?

Im guessing you do most of the shopping and you know you didn’t buy the salad so it must have been him that bought it for himself. He doesn’t have that same insight into what you buy though.

Unless it was a present or something, food isn’t for one person in our house so I wouldn’t be annoyed or surprised if my DH ate something. If I was saving it for a specific thing, I’d just tell him as we’re putting the shopping away.

I’d be more worried if he felt he couldn’t tell me.

I'd be most worried about having a partner who'd casually lie to my face rather than admit to something I'd not be happy about, knowing if you believed him you'd think it was one of your children. It's not trivial and its not ok. Because if he'll do it over a bar of chocolate you'd be daft to think you can trust him over the big stuff you won't like.