To ask you to help me to see the positives about our new house?

[hugebuyersremorse]

I posted last week about moving and having buyers remorse. It hasn’t gone away and in fact if anything has got considerably worse. I wish I had a rewind button.

3-bed, ex council house. Large renovated kitchen and in a nice convenient area. They are the only perks left I can think of for the house.

There is issue upon issue. Garage handle fallen off. Needs new radiators. Had to rip a carpet up after paying for a carpet cleaner because the whole thing smells so doggy and several stains just won’t come out. Boiler coming up with service light despite the fact it was serviced 6 months ago. Boiler in box room- which we knew on viewing, and aren’t intending to use it as a bedroom, but this is now worrying me. Bathroom is dated and needs re grouting. Roof needs attention, couple of tiles need rebedding. Driveway posts are very narrow. We didn’t realise this on viewing as we parked on the road and the previous owners managed to get SUVs on there, but it’s that tight to reverse on that it sets off the car sensors and unfortunately today we have scraped one of our cars which is going to cost £500 to fix.

We were naive to even think about buying . I hate it and can’t visualise myself living there, and we move out of our rental this time next week.

The worst thing is we are extremely lucky so much family support, they’ve done a number on the garden and my lovely dad is redecorating and doing the painting for us. It’s ridiculously kind and I don’t know how I can say thank you enough, especially when I’m actually not any happier to live in the house so it feels to me as though they are wasting their time and energies. It’s not our forever home and we will likely move on in 5 years. That was always the plan, but now I want to move like… tomorrow. If I could have it back on the market tomorrow I would but I know the world doesn’t work like that.

Feeling ultra crap about it and can’t sleep, just up ruminating. If you ever felt like this about a house, did it grow on you?

I posted on your other thread, but you need to readjust your expectations massively. You own a house - appreciate that. All the issues you list sound very normal in a house, houses always need something doing. And you are very fortunate to have family help. Make a list, prioritise and work through it. No house is perfect or “dream”. Don’t fixate on when you’ll move - I feel like you need to sort out your own mindset as I can just see you’d feel the same in another house.

Have you ever owned a house before? Honestly this is minor stuff and you need to stop dwelling on it and get on with making a home. Home owning comes with compromise and chores and costs.

A lot of the things you list are hardly the most dramatic problems you could be having with a house. I think you may be stuck in a mindset or sweating the small stuff here. If they were getting SUVs on the drive then it can't be that difficult. If it is then it's not a big deal removing a post. Maybe that should have been your first job if you were already struggling to reverse in and saved you £500. A couple of roof tiles that need re bedding is far more favourable than a whole roof that needs re fitting. The carpet, I probably wouldn't want someone else's anyway. I'd worry more about fleas if it smells doggy. The decorating is being done for you. Garage door handle fell off? Come on now, get some perspective. Try to find a way out of the mindset you've got stuck in because most of these things aren't big problems anyway and can easily be resolved without that much trouble.

You have got to change your mind set. Stop comparing to others. See this as an incredible oportunity . As a dooer upper, you will add much more value to your property than someone moving into a house thats done. By buying you will potentially be able to leave something to your children.

This is only temporary. Start getting excited about all the lovely things you can do. It most probably is your hormones. Step away from social media, it leads to dissatisfaction and an unrealistic expectation.

If your sister is older, she is probably one house move ahead of you and this will be you in 5 years time. Be grateful for all you have now.

It's stressful when you first own and have even minor jobs come up and you don't know who to call to fix/ have reliable tradespeople saved to your phone. If you've had a decent landlord before, it's like that stuff got fixed by magic! Honestly, I get that- we rented overseas for years and while I longed for my own home there are days when I'm just like "FML- I wish I could just call the management company".

Anyway, what I would do is write a list and call it "snagging". Group into types of issue, like roof, plumbing and heating, electrics etc, and then prioritise- what needs fixing now and what is a bit annoying but can wait. In your case I'd probably get someone to service the boiler.

But also, agree with pp that there will always be something that needs doing- for me at the moment it's get microwave fixed, retaining posts are rotting in garden, drive is lifting, shower valve is dodgy.

I agree with others that the work that you do to the house will add value when you come to sell and the fact that you have a convenient location is really handy. New houses are often built out of town and have narrow roads, you must have wider roads and a bigger garden? You probably have an established infrastructure in your new neighbourhood with Drs surgery, school etc? (Obviously I’m projecting here but basing this on local estates near me)
The fact your lovely family are helping just adds to the memories that are being made in the house. Also agree that it’s a nesting thing and that you are focused on dangers, boiler/roof/car. I’d sort the boiler first IIWY..
Congratulations on your new home!

I agree with this and had similar feeling.
5 years on i love our house especially the location!!!

I found decorating bedrooms helped. Its cheap ish (we managed about £500 per room i did obsessively stalk fb marketplace and ebay for sidetables, light fittings and lampshades etc.)

I did one room at a time and i felt i had "reclaimed" a good portion of the house by end of year 1.

Just look around and say this is all ours. It may be a bit tatty in places but it's all ours and it will be great when we sort out the little niggles. Allow yourself to enjoy the great achievement of having your very own place.

Being pregnant is making this seem bigger than it is

Good location is a huge positive, as is getting on the property ladder

Lots of good advice re making lists and crossing things off - get that sense of achievement and be proud you are making this house your own for however long you are there

Consider how much it would cost to move again. Now work out what improvements you could do to your house for the same amount & work towards changing your mindset

First thing - get the boiler serviced. Ask if they can cover the front/sides in some way so have necessary ventilation top & bottom
Ask where it could be moved to & how much it would cost - it could be worth it if it's making you miserable every time you look at it!

Grout - bleach it and get a grout pen. Different colour grout if it would update it

Garage door - just get fixed

Radiators - why do they need replacing?

Carpet - replace asap and it will make a huge difference

Are there particular things you've always wanted or make you smile? Mine included:
glitter wallpaper on one wall of my bedroom
Changed the cheap plastic handles on living room furniture to copper
Velux window to brighten hallway
Light fittings & mirrors

Give your Dad a big hug and buy him his favourite beer/chocolate. Sounds like your baby is going to be welcomed by a lovely family 🥰

The room with boiler can be used to dry clothes, ours is a god send in this crappy weather.

OP, you are catastrophising.

As others have already said every single one of those issues are normal household house maintanence issues which are fairly easily fixed, if not now, then at least in the future

You're hormonal (sorry for the patronising), but also probably suffering loss because all change is loss, we dont tend to recognise it. Moving house with all the stressors that brings, the lead up, the build up, the paperwork, the waiting, very very stressful. Not to mention all the money.

Every single thing you need to do with that house will result in you having it your way, your stamp on it, so over time, pick things carefully, dont do things in a rush because you're panicky about how 'awful' it is, think about how you want it to look and be and fix it like that. New rads for example, if they actually need replacement, well pick a design and location that you really want (personally I would love to change all our rads for those old cast iron ones)

You could have the boiler moved if you really want, but utlimately not having it in the kitchen means more cupboard space.

The carpets, you might want wooden floors, laminate floors or different carpet.

Garage handles, driveway posts, all things easily changed or moved, given time. Or get a smaller car!

Make the most of your garden, enjoy the space, enjoy the house.

I agree with others - the location is the key thing when you're buying, followed by things like size of rooms. All the things you've listed are superficial really, and yes it feels overwhelming but you'll make it yours.

Get a carbon monoxide detector for the room with the boiler.

You need to give it time. At the moment it's just a house, you've no emotional investment and so it's flaws are top of your mind. Once you've got used to coming back to it, relaxing, having fun there, it will take in a new feel. You'll change the things you can and get used to those you can't. Meanwhile if you can concentrate on getting one space as perfect as you can, finished without compromise, so you have one thing you love it will feel more positive.

Look at your house as a doer upper and intend to flip it in 5 years.
The location is convenient so you can enjoy your life while you tidy up and sort out the house. You already know you want to move on, so see it as a nice place to have a project and maybe make some money, not the house of your dreams. It’s a good warm up for when you do get your perfect house you will have all the skills and be an absolute pro at house stuff.

You can still have a party, just one where you don’t worry about people spilling drinks on the carpet 😂😂😂

You’ve had some excellent advice here OP. I completely agree with really focusing in on an area of the house you like & making it feel really cosy.
It sounds to me as though you’re stressed & therefore you are fixating on certain issues & feeling overwhelmed. Like you say I’m sure your pregnancy plays a part here. I’m wondering how much this is about the house as not being able to sleep sounds like quite an extreme reaction. I only mention this because when I’ve had depression/ anxiety I’ve felt very similar to this, everything feels bleak & insurmountable. Not saying you’re depressed but do keep an eye on the sleeping as that will make everything worse. My GP prescribed an antihistamine which really helped me sleep & then I could get everything in to perspective.

I think that the way to love a house is to get stuck in! It is your beautiful, welcoming & safe home- just needs a little nudge in the right direction. Things feel overwhelming now but with each and every scrub, coat of paint , pot of geraniums & cup of tea in the garden it becomes a home. I sometimes walk around my home thanking it for 'looking after me', silly I know but I feel so lucky to have it.

I think buyers remorse is pretty common but the things you've listed don't sound that bad really.

It might make you feel better to hear we moved two years ago and I love the house now but hated it when we moved in.

On day 2 we noticed an increasingly bad smell by the front door which turned out to be fresh dog urine from the sellers pets.

We panicked a bit and ended up ripping up all the downstairs carpet as it was so disgusting. We lived with bare concrete floors until we could get new flooring laid and blew a chunk of money in getting it fitted within a week.

Two weeks later there was a thunderstorm and we found water trickling down the utility room wall. Turns out the flat roofed garage hadn't been maintained so we had to get that redone at a cost of £4k.

There was long term water damage in the office in the garage conversion too but it had been hidden by all the shelves and general clutter when we viewed.

The garage door didn't shut and so couldn't be locked, also the wind whistled through and it filled with leaves. Cost £2k to replace.

Bath in family bathroom isn't sealed so water started leaking through the hall ceiling when we started using the shower over it, I think they just hadn't used that bathroom for years. I resealed it but it needs doing again now, I think the bathroom needs redoing really as some of the tiles are coming off.

Kitchen is literally falling to pieces, finally getting it replaced next week which I am excited about.

Last year the fridge stopped working, on investigating it seems it was plugged into a broken extension lead that was sparking when moved so we were lucky no one had been electrocuted. When we dragged it out it was covered in a thick layer of greasy dog hair, big fistfuls of hair and dust, made me heave as I cleaned it. The kitchen cupboards tops were covered in the same stuff.

The worst one was the downstairs loo had leaked between us viewing and exchanging. They said it had been fixed but it meant there were no tiles on the wall and the sink was hanging off.

Unsurprisingly it wasn't fixed and was still leaking. Cost £3k to fix it and have it all replaced.

Despite all the current issues I do love the house now. It's in a quiet neighbourhood, near the park, no traffic noise, quiet neighbours and the living room is bright and airy and makes me happy.

You'll be ok, you just have to prioritise the most important things and get on with it. And try not to obsess about the old owners like we still do occasionally!

OP you’ve heard it all before on this thread and probably on the one before but I’ll reiterate what everyone else said: give it time.

It’s completely normal to feel depressed and experience buyers remorse when you buy a house and you might feel this for a while. I cried the day after buying mine. I looked at the scale of work to be done and literally wept. The smell of dogs and cigarettes was so overpowering it actually gave me a headache. Bathroom and kitchen falling to bits. Huge garden overrun with junk the seller left behind. The seller owed money all over the place and various men turned up demanding her forwarding address. It was awful.

That was over two years ago. Since then I’ve learned that you can’t do everything at once so just focus on the most important rooms. For me getting a decent bathroom and kitchen was key so we focused on those areas. I posted threads asking MN for advice and got some lovely DIY Kitchens units in budget and found a local guy to do our bathroom. We had an absolute nightmare with one builder but got rid and found an amazing one. It was stressful and there were lots of tears.

The garden has been tidied up but is still quite unruly. It needs landscaping and that is on the ‘if we win the lottery list’. The loft extension we wanted to build - well we can’t afford it either so currently the loft is just used for storage. The front room is nowhere close to what I would like it to be. But it’s fine. There’s no rush.

The things that seem like disasters now (narrow parking space), you will get used to and it will cease to be an issue. One day you’ll wake up without that lurch in your stomach because you hate the house. On another day you’ll look at the house and think you actually like it. I know that seems impossible now.

Best of luck.