To ask you to help me to see the positives about our new house?

[hugebuyersremorse]

I posted last week about moving and having buyers remorse. It hasn’t gone away and in fact if anything has got considerably worse. I wish I had a rewind button.

3-bed, ex council house. Large renovated kitchen and in a nice convenient area. They are the only perks left I can think of for the house.

There is issue upon issue. Garage handle fallen off. Needs new radiators. Had to rip a carpet up after paying for a carpet cleaner because the whole thing smells so doggy and several stains just won’t come out. Boiler coming up with service light despite the fact it was serviced 6 months ago. Boiler in box room- which we knew on viewing, and aren’t intending to use it as a bedroom, but this is now worrying me. Bathroom is dated and needs re grouting. Roof needs attention, couple of tiles need rebedding. Driveway posts are very narrow. We didn’t realise this on viewing as we parked on the road and the previous owners managed to get SUVs on there, but it’s that tight to reverse on that it sets off the car sensors and unfortunately today we have scraped one of our cars which is going to cost £500 to fix.

We were naive to even think about buying . I hate it and can’t visualise myself living there, and we move out of our rental this time next week.

The worst thing is we are extremely lucky so much family support, they’ve done a number on the garden and my lovely dad is redecorating and doing the painting for us. It’s ridiculously kind and I don’t know how I can say thank you enough, especially when I’m actually not any happier to live in the house so it feels to me as though they are wasting their time and energies. It’s not our forever home and we will likely move on in 5 years. That was always the plan, but now I want to move like… tomorrow. If I could have it back on the market tomorrow I would but I know the world doesn’t work like that.

Feeling ultra crap about it and can’t sleep, just up ruminating. If you ever felt like this about a house, did it grow on you?

A nice convenient location sounds perfect as that's the one thing you can never change! Everything else can be improved in time. And the large, renovated kitchen is a big positive.

Can you widen your gate posts a bit to make it easier to get in and out?

Thank you. The kitchen is definitely a plus. We are going to widen the posts for sure. Just worried about it in the meantime. DH is a better driver than me with lots more experience and driving quals and yet he managed to do that. I’m worried I could too. It happened as trying to pull out because cars were parked opposite so it was a tricky manoeuvre.

It feels bad at the moment but get your head down and tick off these things one by one. As a single mum I had a similarly long todo list and no family help, I’ve had to redecorate on my own in between working full time and looking after two young kids half the week. My kids share a room with a boiler, not sure why that part is worrying you?

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but the issues sound quite usual and fairly minor. There's often quite a few odds and ends to sort when you move.
A convenient location and a nice big kitchen sound fab. The rest you can just improve slowly. You don't need to love it right away. Nobody does really until they've got properly settled in and adjusted. Think of it as a slow burn - and you'll appreciate it more and more as you accomplish the little jobs that need doing.

There’s no door to it and I saw it should be enclosed somewhere. It’s in like a little alcove box but no door to the front so you can just see the boiler as you walk into the room, which is currently a dressing room/office

It’s reassuring to hear. I just feel disheartened I suppose as my sister moved into the perfect house, much bigger and more modern than ours and celebrated straight away and I do not feel like celebrating! I feel like I need a large glass of wine, which I obviously will not be doing as I’m pregnant. I think hormones and wanting everything to be perfect for baby might be playing into it, even though we’ve a few months before she’s here

I’ve been googling all sorts of daft things like ‘how fast can you sell a house’. I feel awful about being so resentful of it given that we have got abundant help to make it nicer. I recognise how fortunate that is. It just doesn’t change how I feel about the house.

It’s a stepping stone house so just needs to be liveable for 5 years.

The way you feel more positive about something is to... focus on the positives. you are relentlessly focusing on the negatives.

Get out a pen and paper and list all the positives. For starters, you are on the property ladder, so to speak. There is a large renovated kitchen. Your father is painting xyz. The garden has been worked on. There was something that drew you to it, so remember that and write it down.

All houses have downsides, and it is not uncommon to go through a period of realising them, fretting over them, and regretting and doubting the purchase.

I didn’t love our first house. It was an ex rental and very drab. We’d originally liked another house nearby that was lovely. Unfortunately that fell through. ( the buyer increased the price)
At first I kept comparing it to the one that fell through.
But I tell you when we sold it 4 years later we doubled our money. It was the best financial decision we’ve ever made.
You don’t have to love it just think of it as a practical place to live

I sympathise and can't promise you will grow to love this house but I think location is the most important feature. We are a couple of years into a house that we have had to spend much more on work than we expected. I feel trapped in that there are still things we need to do if we stay here but the location is not perfect. I'm worried that we overpaid and will lose money if we sell. Our last house was the most beautiful house we will ever own but eventually it was completely the wrong location. I can't find anything near big enough within budget in the right area.

Garage handle fallen off.
Can't either of you put it back on or is the area rusted?

Needs new radiators.
Why, what's wrong with them? You can get radiator paint to smarten them up if it's just that, or get them flushed or rebalanced.

Had to rip a carpet up
Go to a carpet shop and see what offcuts they have, some even offer free underlay with it.

Boiler coming up with service light despite the fact it was serviced 6 months ago.
Ask the boilerman to come back, he might have noticed something last time. Ask him about the boiler in the bedroom when he comes too.

Bathroom is dated and needs re grouting.
YouTube on how to regrout it yourself and add a link of paint to uplift it. When you say dated, do you mean avocado suite?

Roof needs attention, couple of tiles need rebedding.
?? Get a couple of quotes first. The price might surprise you. Everybody has to deal with a roofer at some point in their life.

Driveway posts are very narrow.
that just takes careful practice, or you can get one removed.
but it’s that tight to reverse on that it sets off the car sensors
? My sensors must be very sensitive then. Everytime I put mine in reverse it gets a panic attack.

Make a list, start making some phone calls or watch DIY YouTube videos, and start making your way through it. They are all normal things that everybody does at one time or another... so what is the real reason you don't like this house? Is money more tight, or are you commuting for longer, or is one of the roads extremely busy where accidents happen more, or are you and dp bickering?

5 years is nothing in a house. Takes years to develop a home and settle in and even do the basics up a bit. But if you're planning on moving after 5 years then you will never settle in properly. Everything you do you will have the opinion well don't spend too much or invest money as it's going to be sold

You have a home. That's the positive Sorry to put a downer on it but you have your own home, that's huge.

Ok some handles are broken, you need new things and it doesn't look as nice as you'd like but you have a home, a safe place where you can lock the door.

You're really lucky. While I'm sure you had/have to work extremely hard for it (and you should be really proud of that) then main positive is, you are secure, in your very own home.

I hated my house for the first 2 years for all the same reasons! Tips - don’t spend 2 years hating it - and doing nothing (as I did). Be realistic- you aren’t moving without incurring lots of costs - that’s phase 1! Phase 2 is to Make a full list, even down to the smallest of things, including stuff that’s been done. Split it into rooms. Phase 3 is to start ticking off what’s done. That way you’ll start to see the progress.

Garage handle fallen off.
You’ll get a new one for about a tenner.
Needs new radiators.
Why - are they leaking or just rusty and discoloured? If the latter, paint them.
Carpet - better a room with no carpet than a smelly one. What size is the room? We lived with cheapest of the cheap carpeting for years - it was indestructible!
Boiler - these things happen - maybe it just needs water topping up - get the plumber out. Boilers shouldn’t be boxed it - they need ventilation so that’s one thing off your list.
Bathroom is dated and needs re grouting. That’s a wish not a need but you can always buy tile paint if you want to or stickers in the meantime.
Roof needs attention, couple of tiles need rebedding. Couple of £100 probably (just done same and had gutters cleaned for £380.
Driveway posts are very narrow. This is a driver issue and should stand you in good stead to learn to use eyes and mirrors rather than electronics so it’s actually a good thing - remove the posts if need be.
Its all about how you’re looking at things,
big girl pants on and get shifting to have these things all sorted for your baby coming. You can do this!

sorry op do you have other stressors at the moment?
all these concerns are all very minor in the whole scheme of home ownership especially concerning you're number 1 item a handle falling off??? yes this stuff happens and home maintenance is an ongoing affair.
there are as many ways to deal with this as there are individuals.
pick one room vs cheapest fix first.
if the kitchen is satisfactory what room is adjacent to the kitchen so you can begin spreading the good stuff.
next your bedroom needs to be a peaceful haven, getting that room 100% would be my next step: fresh paint and coordinated linens.

Wow everything you've listed is really minor. You're incredibly lucky to only have those few little random bits and bobs to do. This is not 'issue upon issue'. If you sell and re-buy you're MUCH more likely to have more issues at the next place and you still won't be happy. I had to replace & move my boiler, get all new carpets, change garage door handle, install new radiators, replace insulation in loft as soon as I moved in, plus tons of other random things. Everything needs redecorating. I consider these parr for the course and all part of making a home. You're probably just overwhelmed. None of this is urgent or massively expensive by the sounds of it.

OP, I know it feels insurmountable at the moment, but that's just the stress of the whole situation.

Most of the things you mention are very minor. Irritating but easy to put right.

By this time next year, all the minor niggles will be fixed and you'll have a lovely house in a convenient area. And with luck, a happy baby who sleeps through.

Just take on one task at a time.

I cried the first night we spent in our first house because I felt we’d made such a massive mistake. I didn’t love it, it was definitely just the best of a bad bunch that we could afford. It needed a lot of work and we had to do it slowly, we didn’t have family help. We still didn’t manage to do all of it before we moved.

We stayed there for 7 years in the end, I never loved it. However, I did start to tolerate it once we started to get our own stamp on it. I was glad to leave because we didn’t love the house and never had but I was also sad to leave, it’s the house I’d brought my baby home to, where they’d taken their first steps. It’s the place where our family grew. It was our first home, even if it wasn’t perfect. We put a lot of work into it and that makes an impression after a while. Handing the keys into the estate agent knowing the house was no longer ours was very bittersweet.

I wouldn’t worry about the car sensors. I have to reverse mine into a small 1950s open garage. The sensors go off and flash red on reverse cameras every single time. I think they start flashing red at anything less than 1m away which you rarely have reversing into any solid marked off space ie garage, poles, markers. Haven’t hit anything yet and we have lived here 8/9 years. It’s slightly inconvenient but liveable

the other problems sound Normal for any house. Just adjust over time to fix.

Ps we had lots of old yellowing radiators in ours but they worked fine. We just took them off, outside and lightly sanded then used paint spray gun to spray paint with radiator paint. Did that years ago and they still look like new. Would have cost a fortune to replace them all ( we replaced just 4 that were thick rusted at bottom)

Choose the spot that you most like in the new house (garden? your bedroom?) and go shopping for a couple of little things that will make that spot extra lovely. Some posh hand wash for the sink. A new set of bed linen. An outdoor lantern. A bluetooth speaker for the kitchen.

Done? Now you have a happy place to look forward to. OK, now:

1. Take a deep breath
2. Make a list of all the faults
3. Sit down with your DH and decide how exactly each is going to get fixed (tradesperson, DIY etc).
4. Immediately - get going. Buy the spare handle. Book the boiler guy. None of this stuff takes time to fix. You just need to take a deep breath and do it all.
5. Parking is about confidence and practice. Even experienced drivers can make mistakes doing something they're not used to. But we can all get better at it. Spend an hour driving around a car park and reversing into inconvenient spaces. You've got this! I lived in a place with mega inconvenient parking, and after a year I developed a superpower of parallel parking in tiny spaces, which has served me very well!

It can feel weird being in a new home and can take a while to settle. As you're pregnant, all your instincts want a lovely, safe home for you and the baby and this new house doesn't feel homely or safe.
I moved when pregnant (twice) and the best advice is to try to make it your own and cosy/homely ASAP. Your dad is already helping with that. The kitchen sounds great so start with that. Add lots of plants and pictures to the walls. Repaint it, or at least one wall so it feels "yours". Then focus on the bedroom, make it really cosy with lamps and cushions etc. Make it feel somewhere you can really relax. Accept that not all the rooms will be done by the time the baby arrives but try to make at least part of it feel like a family home.
Also, stop comparing it to your sister's house. Comparison is the thief of joy etc. This is your house and you have the chance to style it however you want. You can make it a lovely home for your child and I'm sure you will. You will adjust, believe me, but moving house is stressful and that's what your feeling right now.

Ok, you should look on the fact it needs some work as a positive, you don't
intend to stay there so any work done to improve it will pay you back when you sell. Being in a good area is the biggest plus, you can alter the property, you can't change where it is.

Presumably you did a full structural survey, did it not pick up the roof issues?

There's always things to do when you first move. I'm sure you will make it nice. At least you don't have to leave the carpets down or anything like that. Just make it nice over time and it will start to feel like home. No where's perfect unless you are rich !