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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be heading for a nervous breakdown

31 replies

pinkpillowlady · 02/07/2024 23:10

Hi all - have name changed for this.

im heading for a nervous breakdown and have spent the night vomiting.

i work for a financial institution and I’m struggling. I work full time and I have 2 DDs who are 9 and 5 and a hands on husband.

I feel like I have no one to speak to but I’m drowning. My job is full on with no respite. I feel like I can’t get a handle on it. My admin is a mess and I’m just exhausted and feel like I want to quit. Found out today that we are being audited and I’ve spent the night vomiting. I spotted a stupid mistake I’ve been making and and im convinced I’m going to be sacked. I’m just a mess. I want to run away and I would if I didn’t have kids. My husband thinks I overreact but I feel genuinely done in and ill.

i have elderly parents and my DF is really unwell (long term life limiting illness) and I see a huge change in him - he’s gone right downhill. It’s killing me watching him.

im rambling but I can’t sleep and I want the misery to just stop

OP posts:
XChrome · 02/07/2024 23:14

You are stressed to the max. Maybe you should try to get another job, one with a less stressful atmosphere? Having ill parents and two kids is enough to stress you out alone, without a demanding job on top of it.

HalfMumHalfBiccit · 02/07/2024 23:15

Sounds awful. Can you have a couple of days off sick? Or work from home to give yourself a break? It probably seems worse than it really is if you are exhausted. Can you rest and regroup?

corkscrewedup · 02/07/2024 23:18

Can you take a holiday or look at stress related sick leave?

A break often helps as a bit of perspective

TulipsAndZombies · 02/07/2024 23:20

The Samaritans are a great source of support if you need a listening ear in the middle of the night. I’m in a professional role and was heading for a breakdown a while ago and found them helpful. I just needed someone there and then to listen and talk me down. Their number is 116 123.

If you can, take time off and recalibrate. You’re spinning too many plates.

I promise this will pass, but in the meantime, you need some support. Take care OP

LostAllMySocks · 02/07/2024 23:21

I think you need to get yourself signed off for several months and get some perspective. I think you probably need a complete change of career.

Do you remember the episode of Friends where Phoebe had to give up her ultra-high-stress job and move to become a masseuse? I think you are in that episode right not.

I would "stop drop and roll" right now, before you give yourself a heart attack.

Shrewsbury247 · 02/07/2024 23:21

You absolutely need some time off to re-centre yourself.
what other options do you have, can you afford to leave and find something else that’s perhaps less stressful?

Daisybuttercup12345 · 02/07/2024 23:21

Go and see your doctor, go sick for a few weeks, look for a new job when you feel calmer.
Your health and family are your priority.

Do not go in tomorrow. Take care xx

Tel12 · 02/07/2024 23:21

Most things that keep us awake at night usually don't happen. Worrying won't help, in fact just the opposite. Work out a plan to sort the admin out. Perhaps speak to your manager. If the worst happens you'll find another job. It's not the end of the world. Nothing is, except the end of the world and we'll worry about that some other time.

CountessWindyBottom · 02/07/2024 23:22

You poor thing, you sound totally overwhelmed @pinkpillowlady.

Please see a doctor urgently and get signed off work. Protecting your mental health is your priority and you are no position to be in work at the moment.

MoreThanThis78 · 02/07/2024 23:23

No job is worth this! I ran myself into the ground like this only to be made redundant. Maybe reframe it as it’s a wake-up call to make a change for the better. Take time off asap to get some headspace x

LostittoBostik · 02/07/2024 23:24

You definitely need some time off OP. Spend some of that time with your father and some working out a career path that's more suited to your current life.
I had a very high octane career I loved but I had to change it after having two children. I'd be dead now if I hadn't

Original poster
pinkpillowlady · 02/07/2024 23:24

I’m so worried that if I go off sick then someone will notice I’ve made more mistakes.

im worried about being sacked for my silly mistakes and not great admin. I’m worried that my dad is dying in front of me. I’m worried that I’m a short tempered and terrible mum.

im just done in. I’m exhausted even typing this but I can’t sleep

OP posts:
mrsfollowill · 02/07/2024 23:28

You need to take some time off work- I've been in your shoes and ended up in hospital. You can self cert for the next 7 calendar days by phoning work in the morning. See your GP for support/medication and a sicknote. How open you are with your manager about it is up to you. My workplace is so PC I was given huge amounts of support and eventually returned after a month with some temporary adjustments. I'm still there. I'm not naive enough to think all workplaces are like this though- you may feel better to book annual leave. You sound broken- you will realise the world won't come crashing down if you step away even though it feels like that right now. Prioritise you for once. Bugger work - DH can step up for the DC look after yourself. No job is worth this. Oh and everyone makes mistakes at work- no one is perfect.

LostAllMySocks · 02/07/2024 23:30

Hi,

I've been in a similar place to you and I found a lovely private clinical psychologist who helped me. She didn't change me. She just listened and listened and listened as I poured out my problems to her.

I think it would be really great if you could find someone like that. you will need to pay privately and probably see them a few times a year for several years, so it would be worth finding someone good who is local to you.

You need to look for a "compassion-focussed therapist". That means someone who will listen and not judge, but will help you to find your way.

Soonenough · 02/07/2024 23:33

Don't panic about audit . A mistake is a mistake .Put it in perspective. And perhaps this might be an opportunity to change your career position. You have the support of your husband on this.
Your children are OK you are doing an OK job there. Give yourself credit for that.
It must seem so overwhelming at the moment but you can get help. Contact your GP or any other service you can access. If you have health insurance you might be able to access it quicker.
I am sorry about your father . Do you have siblings? Share your feelings with them . It is a very tough time in your life buy with help and support you will get through it. 💐

Noseybookworm · 02/07/2024 23:38

You poor love, you need a break from all this stress - please see your GP and get signed off. Speak to your manager at work and own up about the admin worries. They will understand. My mum also has a terminal illness and it's really hard - I'm so worried all the time and find it hard to concentrate on anything else. I've let friendships slide because I don't have the energy to call them for a chat or meet up. You need to look after you, your health is more important than any job. Please talk to your GP 💐

Hazelville · 02/07/2024 23:42

I’ve been in your situation but for different reasons. Looking back, the mistake I made was not recognising how ill I was getting earlier and thinking I had to struggle on when everything was collapsing around me.I agree with PPs that you should see your GP, get signed off and make a plan with them how to go forward. It’s very frightening to think you are going to lose everything but it was a relief when stopped trying to hold it all together. Can you talk to your husband? He can shoulder the finances and responsibility for the children for a while. It sounds as if you need to go and spend some time with your dad too. You will find your way through this.

Zanina · 02/07/2024 23:44

Hi OP I would recommend getting a sick note and get time off work for stress. Take the burden off you and spend some precious time with your dad. Don't panic about the mistakes, it's just a mistake. And tbh so many people deliberately do a bad job and still keep their jobs so why do you need to stress about a mistake. Take this as a wake up call, your body is telling you it's all too much.

TeaMistress · 02/07/2024 23:50

Oh my dear I'm sorry that your dad is so poorly. You sound absolutely exhausted and at the point of not being able to cope anymore. I think your first phone call in the morning needs to be to your manager and you need to outline to them how awful you are feeling. Self certify as sick and then see your GP and get signed off...work honestly isn't worth making yourself even more ill at a time when you need to focus on your family.

.

DissidentDaughter · 02/07/2024 23:58

You’ve got a lot on your plate, OP.

It’s not a crime to be overwhelmed - sounds like you’re burned out. Get a GP to sign you off - you need time out asap. Your wellbeing matters x

Carla222 · 03/07/2024 00:17

This was a very similar situation that I was in OP.

I started catastrophizing everything. I couldn't stop going over and over silly mistakes I had made.
My DF was also very ill and it all got to much.

i tried to struggle through, putting off going to the GP.
i ended up having a total breakdown and being admitted to hospital.

Please, please go to your GP and get signed off. Maybe talk to them about medication? It really calmed my mind.

Then find a good therapist, just being able to offload to someone really helps!

Sending you love x

abracadabra1980 · 03/07/2024 08:20

Please please find another job. Your kids need you more than any workplace. No job is worth this amount of worry. Also go to your GP and discuss medication to get you through this. Sertraline have been a game changer for me with coping strategies (first two weeks on any SSRI/SRNI can be difficult). This too, will pass.

Original poster
pinkpillowlady · 03/07/2024 08:23

Thanks everyone. I’ve had a terrible sleep and still vomiting this morning. My DDs are off school (Scotland) so I’m juggling them and work. I’m so worried about this audit and that I’ll be sacked and when I noticed a mistake yesterday it’s just thrown me off entirely although it’s all been bubbling under the surface.

im absolutely terrified I give myself a heart attack with the amount of worrying I do.

i need a break

OP posts:
LoobyDoop2 · 03/07/2024 08:38

I’m going to make a slightly different suggestion to other posters. Go to work. Speak to your manager, tell them what has gone wrong and ask for help- to fix the mistake and to adjust your workload and responsibilities so that you are less overwhelmed. Then negotiate some time off, that you will actually be able to relax and recover in. If you just go off sick with this hanging over you it will loom and get bigger in your head and become scarier. Sort it first. Either your boss will step up and support you and it will be ok, or they won’t, and you’ll know it isn’t the right environment for you. Good luck.

StringTheory1 · 03/07/2024 08:49

Totally agree with @LoobyDoop2 . And I really can relate, as someone with huge worrying tendencies about work, kids similar ages & ailing parents too…. I’ve had previous breakdowns & I really empathise with you.

I promise you can get through this.

  1. Small steps.
  2. Beware the mind’s ability to catastrophise & ruminate.
  3. Tackle work openly with your boss or HR.
  4. Arrange some short-notice annual leave (or sign yourself off sick next week).
  5. Draw on any help you can with the kids. -
  6. Be open with DH about what you need. Have a few days staying with a friend perhaps if possible.
  7. Avoid too much alcohol.
  8. Try to get some exercise.
  9. Prioritise sleep as much as you can (if needs be, buy some drowsy antihistamines over the counter and take before bed).
  10. Get into a good book or podcast to try to divert your mind from the worry spiral.
  11. Ensure you’re eating enough.
  12. Be open with those around you that you’re struggling and need some support
  13. Out-source whatever you can & cut corners. It won’t matter in the long run and will decrease your to-do list
  14. Lower your high standards for yourself if you can - even temporarily. You ARE good enough.
  15. Consider maybe a beta-blocker if you’re feeling crippled by anxiety symptoms
  16. Explore the IAPT website for free NHS talking therapy / CBT in your area
  17. Call the Samaritans for a listening ear - they’re not purely for suicidal thoughts - they’re very non-judgemental and can help you think through any type of crisis. 116 123.

Above all - I wish you well OP 💐 xx