To be heading for a nervous breakdown

[pinkpillowlady]

Hi all - have name changed for this.

im heading for a nervous breakdown and have spent the night vomiting.

i work for a financial institution and I’m struggling. I work full time and I have 2 DDs who are 9 and 5 and a hands on husband.

I feel like I have no one to speak to but I’m drowning. My job is full on with no respite. I feel like I can’t get a handle on it. My admin is a mess and I’m just exhausted and feel like I want to quit. Found out today that we are being audited and I’ve spent the night vomiting. I spotted a stupid mistake I’ve been making and and im convinced I’m going to be sacked. I’m just a mess. I want to run away and I would if I didn’t have kids. My husband thinks I overreact but I feel genuinely done in and ill.

i have elderly parents and my DF is really unwell (long term life limiting illness) and I see a huge change in him - he’s gone right downhill. It’s killing me watching him.

im rambling but I can’t sleep and I want the misery to just stop

Oh love. I've been feeling this way for weeks with ft legal job and one DD and my dad in hospital. I finally cracked yesterday, called the doc and have been signed off for 2 weeks. Since then I've cried solidly. Cried over In The Night Garden because Macca Pacca doesnt know how hard life is, cried that my DD prefers her childminder, cried because we are not apparently allowed to feed ducks at the pond any more.
Basically once I admitted I couldn't cope it came pouring out.
I've got an increase of antidepressants and I'm trying hard to just tread water til they kick in, and then I can work out what I'm going to do work wise.

My advice is get signed off and let your body experience all the sadness and grief and whatever it needs to, until you work out what you're going to so.

All the hugs.

No job is worth so much stress or sickness. We can make ourselves ill when most jobs if not all would replace us in a heartbeat. Take some time for your health and your family.

Oh god you’re all lovely and making me cry.

@GingerLiberalFeminist sending a big hug to you. Cry it all out. Makka pakka has no idea does he?

@JamSandle you’re so right. Even calling myself a number is overstating my importance

I get this, 100%. It's a horrible feeling when you need to keep the job to keep head above water financially but it's desperately busy and stressful and you're working all hours and consequently missing things so you're constantly worrying about being sacked. Realistically it's hard to sack people for making mistakes, unless it's a gross misconduct doozer it takes time and due process. And usually they don't want to sack you anyway! But it's hard to keep it in perspective that it's just a job. I have sometimes panicked over a mistake but then felt oddly relieved, like it would all be over soon once the worst had happened and if we had to sell the house and move and I had to take something less stressful for less pay then that might actually be for the best in the long run. But agree totally you need some decent time off. I never take time off as the work will all be waiting on my desk plus another two weeks worth more when I get back, it's not worth it for the stress of returning. A few months would mean someone else has to do it.

Oh heck, you need some down time, but don't leave it too late to the point you have a major breakdown. Sooner rather than later.

I would take the advice of some other posters and email/speak to your manager. That takes the pressure off you and onto them. I'd do that as a first. In the meantime, get a doctors appointment booked and get signed off for a while.

Spend that time doing things that you like and that make you smile! Whether that's sitting out of an evening with a brew and a blanket watching the stars, having a silly disco with the kids, go to the beach and feel the sea on your toes! All of these are really grounding and more importantly- real!

I've been in your position op and I really feel for you. My advice, is to experience things that are much bigger than careers, housework, shopping etc, don't think about work and just spend time really getting you back. You are so much more important than work and seeing the stars, lambs in the fields, walking up a fell/mountain and looking down. It hits home that you are more than a job.

Sending a huge hug!

No job is worth that amount of stress