For those of you saying school refusal is a fad, and we should just 'make' them go to school,

[onemummatwokids]

Try reasoning with a 13 year old who is standing on a stepstool on a balcony on the 14th floor, leaning out and in mental anguish.

If I had so much as COME CLOSE to him, he would have jumped, 100% sure of that.

Was I supposed to use The Force to drag him to school?

I think if this is true you and your son need serious help and not be posting on mumsnet

Erm not sure this is an appropriate post

This was over 2 years ago, when everyone was returning to school, and DS has had help from psychologists and therapists.

Please don't judge, @IAmAnAdultHumanFemale

Didn't you ask a question? If as you say this happened two years ago don't you think it would of been appropriate to tell us in your op the outcome?

I get you OP, my 5year old tried taking his life because of school related trauma. Wtf would I then use "the force" to make him go back through that.

My child self harmed due to the stress of the violence and endless bullying at school. CAMHS stopped being an accessible service long before covid. Should BMWs just send them in and let them get sicker and sicker? Parents are crying out for the government to wade in and properly address issues in school (just like pupils and teachers are), and we are still waiting for the government to fund CAMHS to such an extent where it can be accessed by those in need. 3 year wait to be assessed where I live.

BMWs??? I mean parents!

I just think there's a terrible state of society and one of the sad consequences is that children end up feeling this way. In general it seems there's a total lack of respect all round, boundaries are blurred, there's horrific bullying, made easier with social media, and people think they can ignore any rules or societal norms that they don't like. It's extremely sad & anxiety for everyone seems to have increased as a result.

@IAmAnAdultHumanFemale

There is no help

I wish I was joking

I hear you OP, dealing with a child who simply can't or won't go to school is the hardest thing.

I was lucky, I engaged fully with school and the LEA and was met with a lot of kindness and understanding and mine passed exams and now has a really good job.

It was a horrible time though. Kids can't get signed off with stress or depression the way adults often can with work.

CAMHHs is a joke, does it even actually exist? I don't know anyone whose gained access to it. Even my suicidal child was told he didn't qualify for help.

Currently going through this with DD14.

It is horrible watching her become so isolated. Currently on the ASC pathway.

My son was 7 the first time he told me school made him wish he was dead. His first attempt was at 10. I’d been begging for help from drs, school, social services, family support bodies. Anyone and everyone. Cahms were useless. School were worried about him and felt he couldn’t be safely contained or managed at school and was a danger to himself. Yet I was still expected to take him - and I’d get a call within an hour or two to say he’d run away. Or that two male teachers were trying to restrain a 8/9 year old as he was refusing to come into lessons and trying to get out the building or grounds.

in the end I removed him from school at 10 and home educated till he was 17 - he got himself a job in a college marketing department purely on his portfolio of work and how he came across at interview. No GCSEs etc. just some online qualifications.

Hes fine now (23) but I think if I’d persisted with expecting/ forcing him to attend school - he’d not be here now.

Yes nowt like having your 16 year old take an overdose and having them make sleeping in bed with you as they don't feel safe to be on their own that they won't do it again.

There are days when she can't get out of bed to go to work but they are far fewer and she bounces back quicker. It's going to be a good few years until she's matured and learnt to cope and be ready to fly the nest.

Ignore these people they don't have a clue what they are talking about.

Been through all this with my two and Grandsons.
After Primary they were all home educated..
Except the youngest Grandson he only went to Nursery and reception.. but took him out half way through reception.
Some Children just can't handle school due to MH.
I was bullied at school and had my first prescription for Diazepam age 14.
I would not put my own through it..
My eldest is now earing 60 grand a year with own beauty business.
Eldest Grandson is at Uni.
One did GCSE'S age 14 ( l paid for them to take them) and got eight high passes.
Mental health comes before education.
Schools are not what they used to be.. .

May I ask what the reasons they say they can’t go to school are other than bullying? Or is it mainly bullying that causes school refusal?

May the beginning of my parenting journey so interested to know for future references.

Severe anxiety for my DD.

She has ADHD and homeschool due to Covid was a disaster as her social and situational anxiety was off the school when she tried to return.

Are they bringing bullied ? If school is causing them so much distress absolutely don't send them .

I had it with my now 17 year old, Anxiety and trauma made it impossible for her to thrive in a school environment.

we have had an awful 3 years, she did turn up to her exams and failed most of them, barely attended college but did a lot of the work from home, got a level 2 in childcare and has her first day today in her first job in a nursery l.

i engaged with the school and pastoral care was mostly good but not brilliant but even they were fighting with the school system and her head of year who wouldn’t listen to us.

if I’d have dragged her in every day I would have a daughter now, she was suicidal at times.

It’s more murky than just bullying, it’s bullying that teachers are aware of and don’t take any action to stop, which creates an unhealthy dog eat dog environment even for students not being targeted. Nobody feels safe and students become anxious trying to avoid becoming a target because if they do no one will help them.

In some circumstances the teachers will come up with ways of putting the bully and victim in situations together like putting them at the same table or giving them bag hooks next to each other. Going to complain at the school ends up with teachers insisting everything is fine and the bullying gets worse. It’s a really strange situation at the moment and seems almost identical across many different schools

My dd wasn’t bullied as such but social media definitely played a role,

However my dd had to cope with losing her dad in the pandemic , the whole covid experience, then my mum died, she hated the bad behaviour of many kids in class, the uniform rules, she fainted twice as they weren’t allowed to take blazers off when it was hot and then started having panic attacks. We had no outside help or support.. school were adamant she had to attend and wouldn’t listen and wouldn’t compromise. She had a great educational social worker in school who was as perplexed at the school system as we were.

shes doing ok now

I have a school refuser now 16, and of course I feel like an awful parent and people say just make them go. Of course I have tried everything and this is only said by people, who have never had the misfortune to have a child with these sort of MH problems.

I know covid has caused a lot of this. We now have a private counsellor as nil available on the NHS. Solidarity to all parents going through this.
It is a constant worry for their future and then caring for other children and working too.

I mean in this specific scenario it’s pretty obviously school refusal is by far the least of your worries and it’s a really weird post on the matter.

I haven't experienced school refusal but I do have a child who has mental health problems and have experience of the disaster that is camhs. Back in the day when there was a lot less school refusal we understood much less about trauma in children and they were either dragged into school or they ran away.