Saying hello and goodbye

[hellogoodbyebye]

DH does this irritating thing and it is doing my fucking head in.

Yesterday he went to the barbers. Before leaving he said 'I think I'll go to the barbers'. Twenty minutes later, I went upstairs and I was surprised to see he had left. Later he said 'but I said goodbye'.

When he enters a room of people, he will walk in, everyone will notice someone new has entered the room, but he will not say 'hello'. It makes the room awkward and someone else will have to say hello to him first.
If he is leaving the house he does not say goodbye. He will just leave.
If he is entering the house he does not say hi, I'm home - or something along the lines of this.

I'm heavily pregnant. What if something had happened and I was completely unaware he's not even in the house?

Other times he just leaves. AIBU?

That’s very strange behaviour. I don’t know what to suggest other than a bell by the front door 😆

When he says 'I said goodbye' and you point out that no, he didn't, what does he say?

If you say to him that you're asking him to actually say the word 'goodbye', not something that he thinks means the same, then how would he react to that do you think?

I would take "I think I'll go to the barber's" as announcing his departure and I do think that is a goodbye. I wouldn't assume it needs a follow-up. "I'm doing that thing now that I already said I was going to do".

Just leaving without any warning at all is different.

Saying hello to a room is neither here nor there. Maybe he doesn't want to interrupt. I hate saying hello, I find it awkward. I certainly wouldn't walk into a room and announce myself to everyone there

i have family members who do this! My mum especially will never say hello or goodbye. Weird AF!!!!

my sister and I suspect that our mum may be autistic (this is one of her many quirks) but we’ll never know as she won’t hear anything we have to say about it, nevermind speak to a professional.

I don’t think it’s all that weird. Sometimes I’ll say to DH something like ‘I’m going to pop up to the shops in a bit’ and will leave a while later without going to find him to say goodbye. If we happen to be in the same room when I am leaving then yes, I’d say goodbye but I wouldn’t specifically seek him out for that purpose, especially if he’s in a different part of the house/in the garden.

I feel like saying "I think I'll go to the barbers" is saying goodbye? He's telling you about his plan to leave and go to the barbers?

I'm more confused how you then don't hear him leave 😂

Walking into a room is neither here nor there, I don't feel the need to fully announce myself when I walk into a room (depending on the situation!) I'd just go in and do whatever I needed to do in the room? Doesn't sound awkward if someone else says hello first.

I’d agree with @DappledThings that he’d effectively announced his imminent departure already.

Did he say "I think I'll go to the barbers" as he was putting shoes on or when he was sitting having a coffee/watching tv?
If it's the former I think that's as good as goodbye
The later I'd expect him to say that's me away once he was actually leaving.

Aahh my DH does this and it drives me mad! In fact his whole family do it. I think it's really strange but we were always taught to greet people and say goodbye so to me it seems odd to not do so.

Yes I've got one of those too. The time I've wasted looking for him, he's always sure he said goodbye, he often doesn't. He doesn't seem to see the difference between words going through his head and coming out of his mouth

I don't say "goodbye" when leaving the house, I just let him know I'm off, "right that's me away, see you later". When I get home I never announce it either.

I don't think the saying goodbye thing is rude if he's said where he's going. Weirder if he just disappears. But entering a room and not saying hi is odd if he's just arriving. Like he's loitering 😁. Is he shy?

When I said 'I think I'll going to the barbers' is not goodbye, he said yes that was goodbye, as I announced my intention to leave and then promptly left.

I said just say the word goodbye before you leave, to which he now dramatically announces his arrival and departure when leaving or entering the room as he thinks I'm being ridiculous

I said just say the word goodbye before you leave, to which he now dramatically announces his arrival and departure when leaving or entering the room as he thinks I'm being ridiculous
Yeah, I'm with him I'm afraid. You're nitpicking over a specific word and sarcastically using that word in a OTT way would probably be what I'd do too.

He said he was going to leave, he said where he was going and he left to do what he said he was going to do. Why does the lack of a specific word bother you so much?

He was in the kitchen putting things away

It is a bit ridiculous. Unless the barbers is in your house surely you hear "I think I will go the barbers" and know that means he is leaving the house?

In our family we always ensure anyone left in the house knows we have left by calling out “Cheerio, see you later.” It’s to acknowledge the fact that the person left behind knows they are alone now in the event of something untoward happening. It’s also polite and considerate. We also lock them in! (Keys are freely available for them to get out!!)

We always shout “I’m home” or “Cooeee” when we come back home. My partner gives a loud whistle!! That little courtesy in our family is the kind, polite, friendly thing to do.

All family’s are different but I’m glad we have this courteous routine. I’d hate anything less than that.

I mean like, when we have family or friends round and we are all sitting around the coffee table having a chat. And he joins the room, and his joining the room causes a natural lull in the conversation as someone new has joined the room. There will be an awkward silence and someone will say hello to him before he says hello back.

I find it awkward and others have commented its awkward

Or a bell round his neck!

Same I think its a different family/ cultural thing! We were always taught it was rude to never say hello when you see people

I think it's only good manners to greet people , especially if you're going into THEIR home.Mind you, just because you live with someone doesn't mean it's ok to neglect basic good manners either! Hello, goodbye, please and thank you cost nothing but show a degree of consideration and respect. Unless you are ND I think the only reason you don't say these very basic polite things is because you're either pig ignorant and rude, like some people I have come across, or you dislike them, are in a bad mood with them or can even be a subtle, petty form of emotional abuse, (which I have also experienced) so no wonder your DH causes an atmosphere when he just walks into a room and blanks people- they feel he doesn't want to know them!

Seems a very rigid idea of who is "responsible" for making the first greeting. I don't think it's awkward if either the person entering or one of those already there makes the first greeting. I can't imagine even noticing who had spoken first.

In my family it’s considered really rude if you don’t say ‘hi’ or ‘bye’ to someone. I don’t understand how people can just leave there house without saying bye to the people who are inside

"See you later" and "goodbye" are the same thing in my opinion!
So when you see your family in the evening you don't say hello to them?

Maybe it is a cultural issue I don't know.

P.S. I should add that I don't think you have to use the actual words hello and goodbye; so long as you make it clear you're leaving in a polite or pleasant way, and greet people politely or pleasantly in some way when you join them, the actual wording isn't the issue. Being unclear about leaving and not greeting people is inconsiderate behaviour at the very least though, and sometimes can even be a sort of covert insult!
Please and thank you are non-negotiable!