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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Any teachers out there with one-off childcare issues? Really need some advice please.

220 replies

flowergirl24 · 30/06/2024 21:04

My youngest daughter (aged 3) is in nursery, attached to a private school.

Term ends this Friday- at 12:30 (!) which is obviously half way through my working day.

I teach in the state sector and our agreed plan was that DH covers the 2 weeks until I break up for the holidays and then I take over for the rest of the holidays. He was happy with this (sorted ages ago)

But now he has a new client, and it’s very important to him financially that he works on Friday.

What the heck do I do now? We have no family who can help. No friends as all ours work and don’t live anywhere near our village. I’m panicking about Friday as we’ve both got to work and the nursery shuts at 12:30 (no exceptions- I’ve already asked)

OP posts:
lanthanum · 30/06/2024 23:21

flowergirl24 · 30/06/2024 21:13

I wish I could, but it’s not the done thing in secondary.

I was honesty flabbergasted the first time I saw a primary school teacher with their own child in school whilst teaching. It’s great for them, obviously, but I’ve never seen it happen in secondary.

Show quote history

I have seen it happen - the childminder was ill, so the mum put it to the school that she would have to take emergency dependant's leave, unless they were happy for her to bring her child in. She spent the day either in the department's team room if someone had a free, or colouring in mum's classroom.

It's more difficult in your situation as you've presumably known about this half-day for a while. I'm guessing the staff are having end-of-term farewells to leavers or similar, and so none of them are likely to be available for private babysitting.

Is there a parents' whatsapp or similar? You could ask whether anyone is able to help you out. Others may be in the same boat, or may be taking the day off and therefore freeing up a sibling's place with a childminder.

Do any of your colleagues have year 13/student offspring who might be able to help?

If you can find a solution but not near enough nursery to collect DD, maybe she misses the morning so you can drop her somewhere for the whole school day.

Apolloneuro · 30/06/2024 23:30

Don’t lie about being sick. It’s wrong.

Your husband needs to find a way to be absent from his work for the few hours. Presumably you could leave by 3:30.

Waffle78 · 30/06/2024 23:35

Can't your husband see the client on a different day? Or he collects her and takes her with him to see the client.

TheLadyOfTheFlowers · 30/06/2024 23:37

Couldyounot · 30/06/2024 21:05

He has created this situation. What is he doing to sort it out?

I can't see where you have answered this perfectly reasonable question (sorry if you have and I didnt see)

Why do YOU have to sort out when HE has gone back on the arrangement?

Gremlins101 · 30/06/2024 23:39

Are any students off school? That's my go-to. I also have about 3 parents of other kids at pre school who I would ask in a pinch. Good luck 👍

NewName24 · 30/06/2024 23:41

If it’s anything like the private schools I’ve worked in they’ll be having an end of term staff lunch for those leaving/retiring. It will not be compulsory and the staff may well prefer to take the little girl out for a picnic and a play in the park and earn £50.

But the staff will still be being paid to he end of the day.
If they choose to excuse themselves from saying farewell to colleague who are leaving, and probably the one opportunity in the year to relax with the whole staff, then they are actually still working and would need to go back into the rooms to work there, not nip off to a second job,

DragonGypsyDoris · 30/06/2024 23:42

TrappedPotatoes · 30/06/2024 21:05

Call in sick that day

That is a really infantile answer. The OP's pupils deserve to have their teacher that day.

Hellodarknessmyfriend · 30/06/2024 23:45

I'm a teacher (primary) with a young child of my own. In situations such as this I've taken parental leave. It's upaid but they can't refuse it if you are unable to find childcare.
Or could your husband take time off work to have her?

NewName24 · 30/06/2024 23:45

But now he has a new client, and it’s very important to him financially that he works on Friday.

What would this new client do if your dh already had an appointment with another client that day? Or if your dh were at a hospital appointment, or the funeral of a close relative?

Obviously I have no idea what your dh does, but, he has had his diary blocked out for that afternoon for a long time, so that should be respected, and he should work with the new client to find a time they are both free. that is generally how appointments work - you offer a time you can do, not a time you are already doing something else.

fridaynight1 · 30/06/2024 23:56

Your DH was designated childcare duties for the Friday afternoon - he has double booked so he needs to rearrange.

Tillybobbins · 01/07/2024 00:06

You could trade frees with colleagues
or
offer to pay for supply (which I once did in a similar situation as retired department members often came in. I felt better being truthful, the head understood and kindly arranged cover).

mnistooaddictive · 01/07/2024 00:09

It’s far from ideal but in a similar situation I phoned in sick. If you normally have good attendance and it’s one day, I wouldn’t worry about it. I’m HOF and really wouldn’t judge a member of team for doing this.
or you could have an emergency gp appointment or dental appointment that meant you have to leave early.

WGACA · 01/07/2024 00:35

NewName24 · 30/06/2024 23:41

If it’s anything like the private schools I’ve worked in they’ll be having an end of term staff lunch for those leaving/retiring. It will not be compulsory and the staff may well prefer to take the little girl out for a picnic and a play in the park and earn £50.

But the staff will still be being paid to he end of the day.
If they choose to excuse themselves from saying farewell to colleague who are leaving, and probably the one opportunity in the year to relax with the whole staff, then they are actually still working and would need to go back into the rooms to work there, not nip off to a second job,

No they can go home at lunchtime. Everyone has a half day. I used to just go straight home towards the end as I hated the place!

AutumnNanny · 01/07/2024 00:51

Why is everyone blaming her DH?

He agreed to the first two weeks. Presumably M/F for two weeks, not an early finish the week before.

i can see it's up to both of them to find a solution, but it's not 'on his time' or when he agreed. So why is it 'his problem' (alone)?

bluebellsInWinter · 01/07/2024 02:07

Ask at the nursery. I think it's highly likely if you offer a great hourly rate that one of the staff would take her home to yours and look after her.

echt · 01/07/2024 02:53

AutumnNanny · 01/07/2024 00:51

Why is everyone blaming her DH?

He agreed to the first two weeks. Presumably M/F for two weeks, not an early finish the week before.

i can see it's up to both of them to find a solution, but it's not 'on his time' or when he agreed. So why is it 'his problem' (alone)?

Just read the OP's OP.

He was happy with the arrangement and now isn't.

BiscuityBoyle · 01/07/2024 07:08

I’d be asking other parents at nursery. Say that you are happy to return the favour over the summer.

Metempsychosis · 01/07/2024 07:23

Temp nanny is the obvious answer. That's what they're there for.

RishiIsACuntWaffle · 01/07/2024 07:27

I've been in this situation before. I spoke to hr or slt. I think once was paid and one unpaid.

RishiIsACuntWaffle · 01/07/2024 07:29

mnistooaddictive · 01/07/2024 00:09

It’s far from ideal but in a similar situation I phoned in sick. If you normally have good attendance and it’s one day, I wouldn’t worry about it. I’m HOF and really wouldn’t judge a member of team for doing this.
or you could have an emergency gp appointment or dental appointment that meant you have to leave early.

School doesn't have to let you leave for those appointments. Not a good idea as they could and do say no.

Original poster
flowergirl24 · 01/07/2024 12:02

TheLadyOfTheFlowers · 30/06/2024 23:37

I can't see where you have answered this perfectly reasonable question (sorry if you have and I didnt see)

Why do YOU have to sort out when HE has gone back on the arrangement?

Show quote history

Sorry @TheLadyOfTheFlowers you are right as I haven’t answered this question.

He has done nothing to sort the situation. We have had children at this nursery since 2017. The end of term is always a half day. He is claiming to only have just found this out now.

I’m really cross that I’ve been left in this situation. He is pushing me to take a sick day, but I don’t want to. It’s gross misconduct.

OP posts:
Original poster
flowergirl24 · 01/07/2024 12:04

BiscuityBoyle · 01/07/2024 07:08

I’d be asking other parents at nursery. Say that you are happy to return the favour over the summer.

I don’t know a single one! Husband does the drop off and I do the pick ups, but I’m usually there at 5:30 ish. I have often said hi to people but I don’t know anyone’s name and I certainly would not be in a position to ask a favour. I don’t even have anyone’s number for a start.

OP posts:
Original poster
flowergirl24 · 01/07/2024 12:06

bluebellsInWinter · 01/07/2024 02:07

Ask at the nursery. I think it's highly likely if you offer a great hourly rate that one of the staff would take her home to yours and look after her.

Trust me, I’ve tried this. The staff who work that day have to clean down the nursery so can’t help me out and the staff who are off are mostly already taking advantage of the cheaper holidays.

OP posts:
JudgeJ · 01/07/2024 12:06

flowergirl24 · 30/06/2024 21:13

I wish I could, but it’s not the done thing in secondary.

I was honesty flabbergasted the first time I saw a primary school teacher with their own child in school whilst teaching. It’s great for them, obviously, but I’ve never seen it happen in secondary.

Show quote history

I once had to sit my daughter in the High School staff room for some reason, she quite happily read, drew (pre electronics) and was made a great fuss of by anyone lurking in their free periods!

Original poster
flowergirl24 · 01/07/2024 12:07

@bluebellsInWinter I’ve already asked the nursery manager, who was kind and understanding, but said there was no-one available.

OP posts: