Both sisters going on holiday without me

[incognitolady]

I am 31 (married with a toddler), and my two younger sisters are 29 (married no kids) and 24 (single).

For ease of describing, 29 year old is called Allie and and 24 year old is Rebecca.

Rebecca still lives with my mum and me and DH and DC were visiting the other day. She casually asked if we'd like to join her on her trip to Toronto. I said that would be fun, (I didn't say this part) but especially because she has historically never really bothered about going on holiday with me or Allie and we have always tried to organise a sibling holiday. And then I heard Rebecca tell my mum she was going to coincide it while Allie is there for work.

When I saw Allie the day after I said we (DH and DC) were thinking of taking our first holiday with DC to Toronto too. She laughed and said to stay at Rebecca's hotel. But then changed subject. (Rebecca and Allie are staying at different hotels because they can't afford the same place).

DH thinks Allie didn't realise I was serious about going to Toronto with them but I feel like Allie just doesn't want me there.

AIBU to ask Allie again if we can join them on the holiday?

Both Allie and Rebecca dote on DC, Allie is always buying DC new toys and clothes (to the tune of spending maybe £200 a month on her, but that's a different issue)

As an aside, I feel so alone now as a new mum and that people view me differently. Before being married and having DC, Allie and I were always trying to get Rebecca to come on holiday with us and suddenly they've planned a whole trip and haven't even mentioned it to me.

Edit to add: I also don't want to go if they don't me to go obviously. I don't want to make them feel obligated to HAVE to invite me and I also don't want to feel like a burden.

Would you be expecting to take your DC on the sisters trip. Although they may love their neices or nephews that may change the vibe a bit... you can't exactly enjoy the fancy resturants and bars of Toronto with the kids around

However if you were going to go on your own then I would certainly have a word as to why didn't they invite you

They probably didn't ask you because they don't want a child on holiday. I love my nieces and nephews, but when they were small I didn't want to go on holiday with them

Taking your husband and child would make it a completely different holiday. I can understand why they would want to go without all of you. Are you able to go on your own a few days?

Talk to DH about going on the sister holiday alone and planning a family holiday besides.

They didn’t invite you because you have a child. They might well dote on your child, but it completely changes the dynamic a holiday - and not for the better.

Let them crack on with their holiday. Don’t say anything and make them feel uncomfortable.

They might want a child free holiday.

I think it's likely they want the kind of holiday you can't really have with a baby/husband in tow. They're in a different stage of life from you so it's understandable that not all of their plans can include you.

suddenly they've planned a whole trip and haven't even mentioned it to me

None of this is actually what's happened though is it?

Allie is going on a work trip. Rebecca has decided to join her, and has asked you to join them. You're not being left out at all.

If Allie seemed reluctant it's probably because she doesn't want either of her sisters on a work trip. I have to admit taking two sisters on a work trip is a bit odd. Also if you and Rebecca are going to be out sightseeing while Allie is working, it's not exactly a "3 sisters trip" for Allie is it?

Fine if you going on your own….but not with your child….would change the dynamics of the holdiay….they may love them but not want a child tagging along on a city holiday….I certainly wouldn’t

Also, Rebecca asked YOU (unless I've misunderstood) not you, your DH, and your DC. Rebecca third-wheeling your family holiday while Allie works, isn't a sibling-trip either!

Sorry meant to say she's tagged a few days annual leave on the end of her trip and that's when Rebecca is going.

Rebecca is flying out to Toronto for a few days? seriously?

She did say "do you guys want to come" when DH and I were together.

But also, you are all right, I can see of course how the dynamics of the trip would change.

I feel really sad about it.. I mean not about them not asking me, just how it is different for me now. I always assumed that anything family wouldn't change much whereas I was prepared to not be able to see some friends as much etc.

4 nights

I'm sorry, but a sisters' trip doesn't include a husband and child.

When you become a parent your life does change, and you have to let go of FOMO. Unless you and your husband are happy for you to go alone.

DH said he'd be happy to take a few days off work so that he can look after DC and I could join them. But I've not yet stayed overnight anywhere without DC and couldn't bring myself to I don't think. And I'm fine to compromise on things because of that. Albeit I do still feel sad.

Edit: just found out they also asked my cousin who is a guy (Allie's age) so it isn't exactly going to be the girliest trip. He is single and no kids though.

I would go without husband and child

Some people don't like going away with kids. It's a whole different type of holiday when children are around and it's not relaxing.

It’s probably an adult holiday and they don’t want a kid there. It completely changes the dynamic.

I’m confused… Rebecca did invite you? So why are you saying no one invited you? Or have I completely misread?

Rebecca still lives with my mum and me and DH and DC were visiting the other day. She casually asked if we'd like to join her on her trip to Toronto

You've been invited. You want to go. I don't see why you're being paranoid about suspecting they don't really want you there.

I have 2 sisters and we sometimes go on holiday with all 3 of us and sometimes just 2. Including when some of us were still child-free.

Obviously you'll have different needs given that you have kids to worry about and they don't so organising yourselves independently in the same general location is a sensible way to do it.

But you are going to go on different holidays with your own family.

Youre going to go to Butlins and see their face light up when they see their favourite character or Disneyland where they can have lunch with Princesses. Or family geology trips ( this is our hols this year) where they are going to learn loads and be super eager to share that with you. Your weekends will be filled with children's birthday parties and sports fixtures...and then it won't. You'll be coming out of all that and ready for more grown up holidays just as your sisters move into it if they decide to have children.

My DD is in her teens, it's been years since I've been to the park or a zoo, or held her whilst we went swimming etc. Life moves on, theatre is our thing and it used to be Fireman Sam shows and Pantomimes, now it's proper Shakespeare productions and dramas. Butlins came and went great for tinies but now we're into city breaks and she is a fabulous companion.

Life doesn't stay static, you have chosen to become a family unit now so holidays are different unless you decide to go it alone. Just 4 days in Toronto is obscene though that's no time to do anything anyway. If your sisters decide to have their own family then your priorities will realign soon enough.

Having young children hinders you sometimes, but this too shall pass (eventually ☺️). Until then, 💐

It sounds like she was inviting you and DH not the whole family. Would your parents like to have your DC, might be a good break for you and DH to go together if it's not just sisters.