Both sisters going on holiday without me

[incognitolady]

I am 31 (married with a toddler), and my two younger sisters are 29 (married no kids) and 24 (single).

For ease of describing, 29 year old is called Allie and and 24 year old is Rebecca.

Rebecca still lives with my mum and me and DH and DC were visiting the other day. She casually asked if we'd like to join her on her trip to Toronto. I said that would be fun, (I didn't say this part) but especially because she has historically never really bothered about going on holiday with me or Allie and we have always tried to organise a sibling holiday. And then I heard Rebecca tell my mum she was going to coincide it while Allie is there for work.

When I saw Allie the day after I said we (DH and DC) were thinking of taking our first holiday with DC to Toronto too. She laughed and said to stay at Rebecca's hotel. But then changed subject. (Rebecca and Allie are staying at different hotels because they can't afford the same place).

DH thinks Allie didn't realise I was serious about going to Toronto with them but I feel like Allie just doesn't want me there.

AIBU to ask Allie again if we can join them on the holiday?

Both Allie and Rebecca dote on DC, Allie is always buying DC new toys and clothes (to the tune of spending maybe £200 a month on her, but that's a different issue)

As an aside, I feel so alone now as a new mum and that people view me differently. Before being married and having DC, Allie and I were always trying to get Rebecca to come on holiday with us and suddenly they've planned a whole trip and haven't even mentioned it to me.

Edit to add: I also don't want to go if they don't me to go obviously. I don't want to make them feel obligated to HAVE to invite me and I also don't want to feel like a burden.

No way in a million years would I spent money to go on hols with anyone's kids, even kids I love. I would go on my own if I were you, it sounds fab and a real bonding experience.

They want an adult city break.

Yabu I don't even want to take my own kids on holiday let alone other people's

Sorry it's one thing to love your baby nephew/niece but a whole other thing to want to spend hard earned hols with them.
It's absolutely not personal to you op but very very few people wish to holiday with small kids when they don't have them themselves .

I would ask Rebecca about the trip. Was it you. Your husband and you or husband, you and child. Once you get that info you can make a decision about whether to go or not. If it is just you let your husband look after the child, it will be hard but try and enjoy yourself with your sisters

I would go as a family. Then, once there, join your sisters for some activities, but leave some . That way, you and your family will not be 'taking over' the trip. Plan some things to do, just as a family. This way, you won't feel left out and upset and you also won't impose.
Yes, btw, I've been in this situation....

Don't overthink it. You were asked - If you want to go, just go. The 2 of them are in different hotels anyway, if you go as a family, doesn't mean you have to be together with the others all day, every day.

Stop wasting energy on imagined slights and hurt feelings
life is too short

They invited you. you should go with your sisters. alone.

if you felt any reservations it was prob about your kids not you.
I wouldn’t be bringing my DH and kids along… as a holiday with a 1 and 3 year old is just not the same.

i say this as someone with a nearly 1 and 3 year old.

YABU OP. It's obvious that this is very casual. You're making far too big a deal out of the 'planned a whole trip' thing.
Allie is going for work and Rebecca's decided to join her in exploring the city. Separate hotels as well.
Same with the cousin.
If you want to go at the same time and join them just say so.

Personally I think the type of activities they're planning gives you a hint if they're going to explode the nightlife etc it's obviously unsuitable for a child, or they might get bored with whatever they're planning to do.
p to you whether you want to go alone, or do a separate family holiday but join them for some things.

This sounds far too over-complicated. The three of you have never gone on holiday together, because Rebecca didn’t want to, and you and Allie seem to have some ideas that you ‘should’ all three go on holiday together. Now R has asked you if you want to piggyback a holiday onto her business trip, but you’re still not happy because you don’t think Allie wants you there?

Do you even want to go? It sounds potentially complex and joyless to me. One person is there for work, one is going for four days after the other one’s work trip, they’re staying in different hotels, you would be showing up (also for four days? Longer? With or without your DH and toddler?) and staying in one of the hotels, or in a third hotel, and trying (if you bring your child) to mediate between the ‘sibling holiday’ you seem to have always wanted and a family holiday with a jet-lagged small child…? And Toronto is a nice enough city, but I can’t say the idea of trekking over there for a holiday makes my pulse race…

you are going to alienate yourself even further op if you are anything other than happy for your sisters going off on this adventure

How often do you see your sisters ?!

They literally just don't want kids there, just go and have fun and stop overthinking things?

"sniffs" oh I smell jealousy and envy.... Why did you have a baby if you weren't prepared to change your life, babies are for life not just for Christmas

I think just go - understand why they didn’t include you in initial discussions as a straightforward situation and once others get involved it turns into ‘maybe next year would be better’ and nothing ever happens. Would go without DH and DC and have fun with sisters - bringing along your family is a different vibe and makes it seem like you have to operate together but equally cannot leave your sisters to do their own thing. They will love niece but changes holiday completely.

Jesus fucking christ. You're massively unreasonable to want to take your kids on a trip that 2 grown up adults have arranged for themselves. Wanting to take your husband is weird and bad enough, but your kids. Holy shit. Have you no awareness at all??

Why can't you go without them??

Let them do their single sister minibreak, who on earth goes to Canada for that short a visit though!

you have holidays with your DH and DC to look forward to instead now, your life has moved on.

Hey folks. Thanks all for the replies. Both of them have said they'd love us to join, and asked the 3 of us to join and seem genuine. I didn't mention anything to them before them asking us.

For those saying that life is different now - it's really hit me like a bus. I have been massively naive about motherhood, I am adjusting as quickly as I can but I think I might have post natal depression (only really appreciating that how I'm feeling might be that really).

Being a first time Mum is tough sometimes …. I’m sorry to hear you may have pnd, definitely seek some support and help. There’s never a right time to go away and leave little one for the first time, but maybe a trip on your own for 4 nights would help ‘normalise’ your life again and ease the transition. Don’t be afraid to let DH look after little one for a few days without you.

You wouldn't trust your husband to look after his child without you?
EDITED: Sorry. just seen your post about how low you are feeling. PND is so mentally debilitating and makes you over analyse everything. Please don't hesitate to see a GP. You can do this! Xxx

Of course having a baby massively changes things - you have a whole human you are going to bring up for the next 18 years!! Sorry but YABU. You were invited, you're just looking for reasons to be offended or to feel hurt. Your husband has said you can go - it is YOU who has decided no, which is fair enough. Your life is now totally changed - you need to come to terms with that.

"as a holiday with a 1 and 3 year old is just not the same".

Agree that adding Husband and especially small child changes the dynamic but not sure where you got "1 and 3 year old" from?

The OP says she has "a toddler" (singular) and refers to "DC" (one of)

Or did I misunderstand and you were referring to your own family?

No but it is a child free trip and they did ask you. You are chosing to ignore that and go with the poor me narrative. You are chosing not to go because you don't want to leave your child. Which is fine too. But they did ask and you have declined. Therefore YABU. If you do think you may have PND seek medical help and perhaps a 4 day trip leaving your child with their other parent will be a nice break or pick me up. Buy don't imagine perceived slights when there are none