Aibu to think this guy's a bum?

[Euro24]

Hi, my sister is seeing a guy in his forties, it's early days but employment wise he says he does 'this and that' but has no clear income stream that I can see.

What's more reading between the lines he's never really worked at all.

When he was in his late teens, he moved in with a 23-year-old single mum. It ended and he returned home to live with his mum (he was still unemployed) until his 30s where he moved into the flat of another single mum. This ended and he's now living alone.

Now please this is NOT a single mum bashing thread but these women all had accommodation and were in receipt of benefits that he could live off-if anything, this is a criticism of him not them.

(Though if I'm honest I do think it's a bit odd that a late teenage boy would wish to couple up with an older woman with a small child that's not even his. NOT for one moment am I suggesting this is sinister, absolutely not, however I can't imagine a normal teenage boy wanting to be around a small kid 24/7 when he could be out having fun/at university/learning a trade etc. Sorry if this offends but it's how I see it.)

He seems overly involved with his mum, who still does his washing (it's not that he couldn't do this himself!) lives in a rented council flat and is in receipt of some kind of benefits but tells my friend he makes a bit of money.
I think he says this as he wants her to think he earns something.
She seems to be going with that as she likes him but I'm like hmm...

Aibu to think this guy's a bum? He has no disability/ illness which prevents him from working (though of course I know disabled people work). I know there's eff all I can do about it if he is and it's my sister's life not mine but I'd like the views of other people. Maybe I'm being too harsh?

Yup just another cocklodger, the world's full of them

He does indeed sound like a bum. She needs to raise her standards.

Multiple red flags there! Can you share concerns with your sister?

He has a pattern and she's the next victim. Surprised she doesn't see that tbh. And yes, complete bum.

I don't think cocklodging for a teenage boy is that strange if they could find somewhere nice to lodge. Its not like the lodger needs to commit to anything or help withe kid its just a place to lodge their cock. I t sounds quite appealing to me if I was looking

He's in his forties now though. Eww.

Somewhere to lodge their cock.😂

Yes your poor sister has one for sure

Without a doubt, another useless cocklodger

But your post is very judgmental. SIngle parent and social housing don't necessarily go hand in hand with benefits

As ever, the first post nails it. Cocklodger was the first word that sprang to mind reading OP's post. Parasite and leech will also do.

What I find funny about MN threads like this is they reduce people to one characteristic. In real life some people who do this get away with it because they are good looking, charming, pleasant, fun etc.. The people around them don't call them out as cocklodgers as they like them

Well yeah, but the OPs point is that he's a cocklodger. What would be the point waxing lyrical about how he tells a good joke or makes a lovely roast?

I guess it depends. My ex is a bit like this. He lines up another single mum before he leaves the previous. He was cute when we met (18) but over the years his looks have gone and he's gained weight. He can be funny and capable of love bombing tho.

I don’t think you’re unreasonable at all to think that! My BIL is exactly the same, 30 years old, never worked and is still living with his parents. He’s moved out twice into flats of girlfriends who had children, it always baffled me what they saw in him as he essentially just becomes another person for them to look after until they chuck him out!

Yup.
Classic cocklodger.

And they tend to be nice and fun (at least at first) how the fuck else are they going to get a free ride? You've got to be charming and fun in order to get your feet under the table. It's an essential part of the scheme. Can't reveal yourself too early. That's cocklodger 101

Yep!

Yeah classic cocklodger. What does she see in him? Do you have the type of relationship with your sister where you can raise your concerns?

Is it your sister or your friend who is seeing him? You've mentioned both.

Yes but it's a given that they have some appealing characteristics. If they were unattractive and charmless why the hell would anyone put up with their lazy feckless ways?

Yep definitely a bum. I recently met someone just like that. He's 45 and lives in his mum and step dad's converted barn rent free. He was telling me about when he was in his 20s he was living with an older woman who payed his mobile phone bill and kept giving him money but she threw him out when she found out he was messaging other women.
He doesn't have a proper job he does delevaroo now and again when he can be bothered.
I'm not convinced he's actually 45 I would say 35 and he just likes meeting older women so he can live with them, he lived with his ex.
He passed his driving test only 2 months ago and has now been caught speeding so will lose that and no more delevaroo for him! He acts like a teenager always complaining about his mum having a go at him.

Yep 100% cocklodger credentials. Has he moved in yet?

Yes, but since he has his own place, he has worked his way up from cocklodger to bum. Maybe she should live rent-free in his flat for a while, to even things up a bit.

But on a serious note, I have a cocklodger neighbour, he stays at home almost 24/7 (while his partner works full time) blasting out obnoxious music while getting drunk and abusive to other neighbours (but only the female ones) He's violent and abusive towards his partner.

My own personal experience with cocklodgers has been similar to what I wrote above, with varying degrees of emotional and physical abuse. Usually some sort of addiction at play. Like violent, controlling children that have never grown up, they attempt to destroy any self worth you might have, to ensure you tolerate their garbage.

An attempted cocklodger turned up with a huge stuffed pike in a glass case and a 50" screen TV. In true CL fashion, his grandparents were going to give him the deposit for a flat, but decided that now he had a girlfriend (me😖) that he could just move in with her instead. I'm really shit at saying no to people, but I was able to muster it up that time 🙂

Thanks for replies. Seems I'm not alone.
Of course I know that single mother+social housing does not automatically mean benefits. Not that I judge if it does. Anyway, this is about him!

He has indeed graduated from cocklodger to pure bum so maybe now he just needs a replacement domestic servant?
His mum's quite elderly.

Even more weird about MN is all the PP saying cocklodger get rid and then admitting that they have hosted a fair few in their time. I don't have any sympathy

Because other people have fallen into a similar trap and are offering empathy?

Does she have kids?