To not tell anyone my ELCS date?

[fr4zzledmum]

It's likely I'll be having an ELCS at bang on 39 weeks. We already have a 5 year old who would be looked after by her grandparents (my in laws) and are only round the corner.

I'd like to keep the date of my section a secret, purely as my reasoning behind this is, if I were to go into labour spontaneously (as I did with my other DC) there'd be no warning anyway.

Would it BU to tell people, including in-laws, conversationally that I'll be having an ELCS but that we're not telling people the date? I suppose my main concern is the in laws as they are the only ones who would be impacted by it being sprung on them.

I’d tell the people who are going to be looking after your older child but other than that no. I had an induction and didn’t tell anybody my induction date other than my own parents which was because my dad was going to look after our dog while we were at the hospital and my mum was my other birthing partner.

I think it would be fair to tell your in laws the date, in case they have other commitments on that date.
If I was your MIL, I'd be pretty upset if you didn't give me the heads up.

It’s not fair at all on your in-laws to have useful information but refuse to tell them.

Do what you like with others - you can always give them a rough date, as planned EMCSs often move anyway. But withholding it from people who need to know is pointlessly shitty.

you will have to tell your in laws but I wouldn’t tel anyone else

I did exactly as you planned for our son but we didn’t neeed childcare as he is our first. Told family and friends it was an ELCS but didn’t say exactly when it was happening and just didn’t mention it at all to anyone else. Only person who had an issue with that was MIL, she kept trying to guess the date and feeling terribly hard done bu that we’d not tell her. Of course you’ll need to tell your in laws but everyone else, that’s up to you.

You need to tell your in-laws, they're doing you a favour, it's bloody rude not to.

anyone else, it's up to you, but why be so secretive

Obviously you need to tell the people who will be looking after your older child. You don't need to tell anyone else the date, or even that you are having an ELCS.

I’d tell your respective parents. They may well tell others but most people probably aren’t overly interested. I’m not going to do anything differently based on knowing someone’s delivery date. It’s nice to announce the arrival so I’d just keep it to yourself apart parents knowing esp in-laws.

Seriously though how can it be reasonable to want your in-laws to help you but to not tell them when to help you so they're completely in the dark until you spring it on them?

I think it's unbelievable that you are thinking about not telling the people who will be providing childcare. Of course they should know what date they'll be needed!

Fine to not tell anyone else though.

I told everyone a date a few days after it was booked, however I wasn't relying on anyone for childcare. Very unfair if you are expecting them to look after your kids

Fair play, seems I have been unreasonable! Points taken.

I suppose I just feel weird not telling my parents the date but telling my PIL. I didn't really want to tell loads of people cause it'll just be an influx of messages running up to and on the day asking questions.

And again, if I were to go into labour spontaneously, there'd be no warning anyway for PIL.

And again, if I were to go into labour spontaneously, there'd be no warning anyway for PIL.

But you know the date.

They are providing childcare, and you have the ability to reduce the inconvenience on them by giving them a chance to plan in advance. Why wouldn't you do that?

I think it makes it all into a bigger deal than it needs to be. I know that looks snide and I don’t mean it that way.

Of course you need to tell the people who are going to be looking after your child the date FFS.

How close are you to the date?

If you're say 20 weeks pregnant you could go with the "they'll review me at 38 weeks and likely book a section soon after" so they know the week.

If you're already 38 weeks, get the plan in action.

Tell your parents and your in laws. If for whatever reason one of your in laws became incapacitated whilst they were looking after your DC, it would be a bit shit for your parents to receive a call "sorry I need you to look after little Johnny cause DIL's had her c section"

Then tell your parents too. Easy.
You cannot use the argument of ‘oh well if it was spontaneous labour…’ etc because it’s not. You do know the date, it is what it is, although I do understand where you’re coming from as well!

I didn't have an ELCS but my in laws looked after my son when I went into labour. We called them at about 8pm to say "tonight's the night" and my DD was born just before lunchtime the next day. We didn't tell my parents I was in labour but surprised them afterwards.

It's totally fine to tell only the people who need to know. Your in laws are your childcare so they do need to know.

Would your parents even want to know the date in advance? If they just get a call to say baby is here they won't be worrying or impatiently waiting by the phone.

My parents live 3 hours away so wouldn't be back up childcare, that would be DH.

But totally get the points people have raised and will make sure we tell in laws at the very least. I might tell my parents the morning of.

I had two ELCS and told people the date both times.

How are you feeling about having an ELCS op? Is it possible you're mourning the natural birth you're not going to have this time round, and that's why you want to make it as much like a natural birth, by not telling people, as possible?

If there are any problems that would arise from telling them the date, those are the things to deal with. More communication, not less! If you're worried about your phone being inundated, tell people to text the birthing partner instead of you. And/or get birthing partner to send a text 'going into theatre now' then phones off until you're back on ward and have everything you need. Then quick birth announcement. It doesn't need to be a big deal or interfere with your experience. If you're worried about them trying to visit too soon, make that clear well before that you don't want any visitors in hospital. Communicate!

You tell who you want, what you want. Your labour, your choice. Good luck x

I knew the date for my ELCS for DC3 from my 20 week appointment. I just told everybody my 40 week due date and said they'll want to have me in sometime the week before. My DM was my childcare and I think I told her. Could you tell PiL it'll be in the week of... I doubt they'll be making big plans for the few days before and after.

YANBU!