To not tell anyone my ELCS date?

[fr4zzledmum]

It's likely I'll be having an ELCS at bang on 39 weeks. We already have a 5 year old who would be looked after by her grandparents (my in laws) and are only round the corner.

I'd like to keep the date of my section a secret, purely as my reasoning behind this is, if I were to go into labour spontaneously (as I did with my other DC) there'd be no warning anyway.

Would it BU to tell people, including in-laws, conversationally that I'll be having an ELCS but that we're not telling people the date? I suppose my main concern is the in laws as they are the only ones who would be impacted by it being sprung on them.

Fine not to tell anyone.

Not fine to tell everyone your have an ELCS date but aren't telling. That is just bringing attention to yourself for no reason. 'We know but we're not telling' kind of attitude.

You obviously have to tell your in-laws if looking after your oldest child as they might need to contact you or your husband

Weird behaviour to not tell the in laws, yet expect them to be available at the drop of a hat to take care of your kid.

Don’t be weird.

I wasn't planning on telling anyone the date but a few days before I couldn't contain my excitement.. I am so glad that I did! I didn't realise how much I would need the support on the day waiting for 'my turn' to go down to Theatre. My phone was flooded with good luck messages and lots of love.
This was during Covid though when I had to do the whole thing alone! 😱

Please tell your in laws it's only fair.

Absolutely zero people care about this as much as you do. The “influx of messages” will just be people being polite. You’re making it into a huge weird thing when it doesn’t need to be. Obviously it’s rightly a huge thing for you but i suspect that’s colouring your judgement!

And yeah definitely tell your in-laws. Your parents too unless you have an extremely distant relationship surely? Isn’t it just a nice thing to share with people you presumably love and who will share in your excitement about it?

I completely understand wanting to keep it close.

Could you tell your MIL for planning purposes and just say you dont want a big fuss around it so appreciate her keeping it close? And make the observation you went into labour earlier the time before and make a bit of a joke about it, like she might not want to book a week away from 37 weeks or something?

Having gone over due last time, im not telling anyone my due date this time. The exception is my MIL who is very kindly having DD for us - despite living further away than DM - it felt only fair to make her aware of the potential timing. She is loving feeling trusted both with DD and the date, which has been really lovely for us actually x

With my second we did the same and only told my parents as they were watching our eldest. First time round we didn’t tell a soul and when it got to round about the time I used to post on social media every morning about something random to throw them off and we went to hospital in my husband’s work car so my car was still in the drive 😂

well obviously you need to tell your inlaws.

Not anyone else though.

I think it's ridiculous you aren't contemplating telling the people providing childcare.

You are contemplating not telling them I mean

You're really making this into something bigger than it is. So switch of your phone or just ignore the messages till you have the baby? No need to be attention seeking and dramatic over it. It's a specific date so why would you even be on your phone on the day in the run up to the procedure?
Very wrong to spring this on your IL's because this will impact your child too. Equally wrong to just tell your IL and not parents. Telling everyone the date, no one is really going to ask before then too.

I get not telling people - but this is insane. Were there people in your life who (once you got near the end of pregnancy) thought you were in labour every time they saw your car not on the driveway??

Of course you need to tell your in laws, they’d have every right to be annoyed if you know in advance but don’t tell them.

@YellowHairband yes, my family all live close by and pass my house on the way in/out of the town so would have guessed. A lot of my friend’s have had sections at the same hospital so we all know what days they do them and they knew what date mine would most likely be

Hilarious you think anyone else would pay that much attention or care..:

You seem to ☺️

We only told parents both times. My mil looked after our first for the second one.

I had high risk births due to medical condition I didn’t want people worrying, we gave a rough date! I knew quite early the second time but never told anyone!

But didn't you leave the house by car reasonably regularly anyway? If you went and did the weekly shop would they all have got excited and assumed you'd had the baby?

OP, the only people excited about the birth of your second child is yourself, your partner and your respective parents. It’s just how it goes with subsequent children.

You need to tell your in-laws because they are looking after your 5yo. You might as well tell your parents because they’ll be hurt if the other grandparents know and they don’t.

No one else needs to know. They are expressing interest to be nice, to be good friends and neighbours. You don’t need to mention a darned thing about the birth AT ALL. It’s none of anyone’s business.

You’re making more of this than you need to. Relax, enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and have a good birth.

Not telling your ILs would be selfish and inconsiderate in the extreme.

Not telling your parents you're in hospital having fairly major abdominal surgery, never mind their grandchild, is also beyond me.

You really need to get over yourself and just learn to switch off your phone if you don't want messages.

I can understand not telling others but you need to tell your in laws. If you’re that bothered about telling them but not your parents then tell yours parents. Just make it super super clear that they aren’t to tell anyone else.

I wouldn’t have been gone for hours for the weekly shop or away early in the morning and at 39 weeks pregnant I don’t think I was hardly leaving the house 😅

@fr4zzledmum

i understand you not wanting a load of messages or phone calls from friends etc, but I think it's pretty weird not to tell your parents the date.

yes, you couldn't if you weren't having an elective C.S, but you are, so why keep it from them??