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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Work leaving party dilemma

39 replies

DillyEmma · 29/06/2024 19:04

I have NC for this as if linked to my previous threads could be outing. I manage a team at work who mostly seem to get on well together on a professional level. One person, I will call her Jill, has recently put her notice in and is starting a new job elsewhere in August. She has said for her leaving do she would like to go on a boat trip down the River Thames in London ending up with drinks and a meal somewhere, Greenwich probably. This will take place after office hours. People have been enthusiastic about the idea as Jill is very popular, are keen to attend and to give her a good send off. That is except for one member of staff I will call Kate. Kate does not like water or boats and has said she will not attend the leaving party as planned. I have suggested to Kate that she meets us at the chosen venue in Greenwich and can be part of the leaving event from that point onwards. This does not suit Kate at all. She wants the party to be held starting with an open top bus tour and then ending with drinks and a meal. I have reminded her that it is Jill’s leaving party, so she decides where and how the event is held. Kate says Jill and the rest of the staff are excluding her by making the decision to have a water and boat-based party and that this is discrimination against her. My feeling is as the party is out of office hours and is Jill’s event, she should be allowed to do what she wants. AIBU?

OP posts:
adriftinadenofvipers · 29/06/2024 19:05

Kate is being a dick.

WindowViper · 29/06/2024 19:05

Kate can piss off.

BigFatLiar · 29/06/2024 19:06

Tell her that sounds great you'll do it for her leaving do.

adriftinadenofvipers · 29/06/2024 19:06

Years ago I had a leaving do on a boat on the Thames and had champagne bought for me all night! It was great! That boat was moored though. It's a lovely plan!

BananaSpanner · 29/06/2024 19:06

Who the hell is paying for all of this?! What happened to drinks and a buffet?

Variolia · 29/06/2024 19:09

It’s not discrimination and Kate sounds like a pain in the arse

Sunnydiary · 29/06/2024 19:09

Kate is being VVU.

I was actually on The Marchioness and was lucky to survive.

When my employer announced a similar trip, I quietly explained to my manager why I would be unable to attend, and made an excuse to colleagues (as I didn’t want to piss on their chips)

Kate seems to be someone who makes everything about her? Just carry on regardless and don’t engage

AliTheMinx · 29/06/2024 19:10

Kate sounds unhinged!

DillyEmma · 29/06/2024 19:10

BananaSpanner · 29/06/2024 19:06

Who the hell is paying for all of this?! What happened to drinks and a buffet?

People will pay for themselves. The tourist boat trips in London aren't that expensive and my understanding is Jill is looking at drinks and pub food in
Greenwich. Her original plan apparently involved a speedboat trip down the Thames but the cost of that was too much.

OP posts:
Luxell934 · 29/06/2024 19:11

This is not a work issue surely. It's off company time and not being paid for by the company. Let them sort it out themselves.

DillyEmma · 29/06/2024 19:11

Sunnydiary · 29/06/2024 19:09

Kate is being VVU.

I was actually on The Marchioness and was lucky to survive.

When my employer announced a similar trip, I quietly explained to my manager why I would be unable to attend, and made an excuse to colleagues (as I didn’t want to piss on their chips)

Kate seems to be someone who makes everything about her? Just carry on regardless and don’t engage

I'm so sorry to read of your experience, dreadful for you.

OP posts:
DecafDodger · 29/06/2024 19:12

BigFatLiar · 29/06/2024 19:06

Tell her that sounds great you'll do it for her leaving do.

this. Kate sounds like a spoiled princess.

Hoglet70 · 29/06/2024 19:14

Kate can stay at home then. I second what @BigFatLiar said - she can use the open top bus for her own leaving do!

Hatty65 · 29/06/2024 19:14

Jill's idea for a 'leaving do' sounds like my idea of hell - I don't do hours and hours after work for any colleague, so I'd chip in for the present and make a polite excuse as to why I was busy that evening.

Kate is a tit who has clearly never faced actual discrimination and can fuck right off, however.

InfoSecInTheCity · 29/06/2024 19:17

In order for it to be discrimination she would have to be not getting her own way on the basis of her having one of the 9 protected characteristics.

She's not getting her own way because it's not her event and it's not about her, it's also completely optional so she doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to.

She needs time get over herself and either suck it up and go because she likes the person who is leaving and is willing to go to a bit of trouble to see her off, or she needs to explain she is unable to attend and maybe arrange a coffee or drink with her at another time.

Witchbitch20 · 29/06/2024 19:18

You will all have a great time without Kate.

DillyEmma · 29/06/2024 19:18

Kate has form for being dictatorial about events. We are lucky enough that work pay for a staff outing every summer for us with the proviso it be something vaguely educational. Kate invariably doesn't like what is planned and wants something else. She was allowed to have her wish a couple of years back and the entire staff crammed in a bus and went to Monkeyworld in Dorset. It was vile. I don't like zoos or seeing caged animals even under the pretext of conservation so did not enjoy the day at all. Kate went off sick the morning of the outing which doubly pissed me off.

OP posts:
adriftinadenofvipers · 29/06/2024 19:20

DillyEmma · 29/06/2024 19:18

Kate has form for being dictatorial about events. We are lucky enough that work pay for a staff outing every summer for us with the proviso it be something vaguely educational. Kate invariably doesn't like what is planned and wants something else. She was allowed to have her wish a couple of years back and the entire staff crammed in a bus and went to Monkeyworld in Dorset. It was vile. I don't like zoos or seeing caged animals even under the pretext of conservation so did not enjoy the day at all. Kate went off sick the morning of the outing which doubly pissed me off.

Shame it wasn't Kate leaving then!

DillyEmma · 29/06/2024 19:23

adriftinadenofvipers · 29/06/2024 19:20

Shame it wasn't Kate leaving then!

Indeed, I had a bellyful of her comments yesterday. The joys of managing a team!

OP posts:
Justcallmebebes · 29/06/2024 19:32

Tell Kate to fuck off

KomodoOhno · 29/06/2024 19:33

Kate is nuts.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 29/06/2024 19:38

Kate's been invited, there's presumably no protected characteristic related reason why she can't attend or you would have said, and she's been told she's welcome to only come to the meal if that's better for her, so there's no way she can say she's being bullied by being excluded.

She's talking bollocks. She needs to be told (again) that she can decide when it's her party, but it's Jane's party and Jane has decided. She's welcome to attend, and if she chooses not to it's up to her.

She sounds like a complete pain in the arse.

FrogNToad · 29/06/2024 19:39

Of course you aren't being unreasonable, Kate is being an arsehole. If she wants to come the sensible thing to do is exactly what you suggested, to meet up for the meal after. Just walk away from this one, it's not a work organised activity so just shrug it off with "It's a shame you can't come, maybe next time eh?".

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 29/06/2024 19:41

Kate is not being unreasonable to not want to go on the boat, or even to not want to join the leaving do afterwards.

She is being very unreasonable to try to force everyone to do what she wants to do instead.

Galatine · 29/06/2024 19:42

Sunnydiary · 29/06/2024 19:09

Kate is being VVU.

I was actually on The Marchioness and was lucky to survive.

When my employer announced a similar trip, I quietly explained to my manager why I would be unable to attend, and made an excuse to colleagues (as I didn’t want to piss on their chips)

Kate seems to be someone who makes everything about her? Just carry on regardless and don’t engage

But unlike Kate, you were very gracious about it, despite your obvious and justifiable reservations about such an event.