Would this put you off?

[Lizaaaa]

I went on a LOVELY date a few days ago with a man. He was courteous, sweet, we got on so well and he's asked me on a second date already. It felt very natural and like we'd known eachother for ages. I do really like him.
Anyway, I'm a bit concerned that he told me he's still living with his mum at 29. He told me he did have a roomate but they moved in with their girlfriend so now he's back at home and saving for a house. He's a tree surgeon but he works for a company, not self employed. I've got my own place and I'm younger than him.
I'm looking for a man who is financially stable and who can take care of himself so I don't have to mother him basically. Do you think this a red flag that he possibly can't or shall I give him the benefit of the doubt?
What are your thoughts? Would this put you off?

No, not everyone can afford to rent and save for a mortgage at the same time. You sound really judgemental, maybe best to let him find someone kinder.

No not at all, as long as he was working and had plans to move out in future. The fact he lived with a roommate before is a good sign. Life is expensive, if you can live with parents and save to buy it makes sense to. DH lived with his parents when I met him (aged 27) and I owned a flat. No issues.

If he’s got a decent career, works hard and is actually saving for a house deposit then no, at his age it wouldn’t put me off.

I think he could do better than you. He sounds very sensible and you sound really judgemental

No it would not put me off. Many people can't afford to live on their own these days.

Who is currently doing his laundry? That will tell you if he's being mummied

In this day and age, no, I know a few people in their 30's who've moved back in with parents in order to save. Life has become horribly fucking expensive and if you've a decent relationship with your parents it's the most sensible option for a lot of young adults.

If he's genuinely saving and is capable of actually taking care of himself (ie. He does his fair share of the cooking, cleaning etc and mum isn't washing his pants for him) I don't think it'd put me off at all.

Loads of people in their twenties still live at home, it wouldn't bother me.

Thanks guys!! My last boyfriend was the same and he ended up being a real nightmare when we moved in together so I'm a bit cautious. I had to basically take care of him and it turns out he wasn't saving at all but was just paying off a huge amount of debt. He struggled to pay his half of the rent and it was a huge burden on me.
I do really like him and I know it might not be the same but I was just wondering people's opinions. We're going out again on Sunday x

Y 34 year old son lives at home, he simply can't afford to rent.

It's not that uncommon these days and wouldn't in itself put me off.

I'd want to know that he pulls his weight around the house, contributes fairly and doesn't have his mam pick up his pants. Does he cook? Clean? Do laundry? Does he know all about household bills? Is he a fully functioning adult?

It's just not like how it was when I was young. Back then you moved your arse out of your parents place to make your own way in the world and you rented and that was that.

These days a lot of people are living with their parents well into their late 20s and beyond and renting is seen as wasting money.

When I met my partner he was 28 and still living at home with his mum and saving for a deposit on a flat. We are now in a house together with a child and he really was saving. Those savings we just put towards buying a house together. Definitely shouldn't put you off at first glance I don't think.

Living with parents doesn’t mean someone isn’t independent or financially secure.

I’ve got a friend in her 40s whose mum pops round to her expensive house several times a week with batch cooking for her freezer, to do her ironing and a bit of general cleaning.

You know the saying that you can’t judge a book by its cover.

I think if he's seriously saving for independence its ok.

I don’t think it’s automatically a red flag: as others have said it’s very expensive to buy or rent these days.

However 29 is quite old. I would expect most people who have a serious career or job to have made some attempt at independence by that age.

I would keep an eye on it and see if there are other signs of him being a bit of a mummy’s boy. Watch and wait and don’t move in until you are sure he’s actually capable of paying his way etc.

I would find it off putting, I suppose I would wait to see how independent whilst being dependant he is IYKWIM.

Does he save? Does he cook, clean, do his own laundry, Does he contribute towards his home, also really important, does he have a good relationship with his wider family?

You sound sensible and not horrible at all, you have to look after your interests because no one else will.

I think it's probably too early to tell.

He might well be saving and have £20k in the bank but needs £25k. Or, he might have £200 and fritter his entire salary every month.

If he seems nice, just go with the flow for a bit.

No it wouldn't put me off at all, especially as he has moved back in with parents, after living with a flat mate
Take it slowly, learn more about him and enjoy his company and as always listen to your gut.

Wouldn't put me off at all.

It's expensive to live alone as a single person. I don't see the point in struggling financially just to say you're "independent" when you could enjoy a nicer lifestyle living with parents, as long as everyone involved is happy with the situation.

It would put me off if he had no job and no intentions of getting one, but if he's working I'd have no issues whatsoever.

He has lived away from home so hopefully he's pretty domesticated. I'd say tree surgeons probably earn decent money as the amount I've been charged when I've needed one would suggest! My 27 year old lives at home currently while saving for a house.

I agree.

Yes it would put me off. Hes nearly 30 I wouldn’t want someone who’s living with his mum. Its embarrassing and makes the relationship one sided as it’s not like you can go to his place to chill etc, it’s always at yours.

I don't. The OP has been stung before. She is being rightly cautious. It's too soon to tell though.

That's a bit narrow-minded!

It's going to become a lot more common due to the cost of living.