Dh making me uncomfortable

[ex1]

I love dh we've been married over 10 years and together 14.
He has a very high sex drive and is constantly groping me, pretending to do things from behind. Flashing at me or randomly putting my hand on him.
I do feel grateful that after all this time he's still interested but while he's at work he texts saying he wants me.
It feels like harassment and the more he goes on about it the more I don't want to know and feel a bit icky.
I have told him how I feel before and he seemed genuinely understanding like he didn't realise how he came across and that he thought he was just showing me he loved me.
I'm also pregnant at the moment and he's still like it, it just feels relentless and all the time he thinks he's being romantic apparently.
It's actually having the opposite effect and making me feel like he doesn't respect me.
Is this normal or should I just be happy he still feels the way he does?

No, it's not normal.

Tell him what you have said here.

Tell him about all the hormonal changes going on in your body at the moment, and why your priority isn't sex. You are growing an entire human.

You need to nip this in the bud or it will just get worse. Imagine dealing with this when you're breastfeeding and sleep deprived.

Jeez OP, does he think flashing and groping you are meant to make you feel flattered? I wouldn’t be able to stand that behaviour, it would really make me feel cheap and horrible. Ugh….

@ex1 do you have other children?
Has he always behaved like this?
You absolutely have the right to tell him to stop, and for that to be the end of it.
If it's not, what will your next step be?

That really is unacceptable… and I automatically am highly suspicious of any man that has such a high sex drive that he chooses not to control. Groping you , coming at you from behind and making you touch him are not something to feel grateful for because he’s still interested in you and no, he doesn’t seem a nice man to me.

He needs to understand that your sex drives are at different levels at the moment. Whether that is a temporary thing because of your hormones, or because of his behaviour or because that’s the way you are both made, only you two will know. But instead of working towards a middle ground, what he’s doing is only ever going to result in an unhappy sex life for both of you.

Tell him that you are not initiating anything because his continued attempts to initiate sex texts, turn a hug into a grope, flashing at you etc, make you feel like you’re dealing with a teenaged boy and your sex drive has reacted appropriately and shut right down. The more he does it, the less you want to do it. And then you start to lose emotional intimacy as well, because you’re too worried to give him a cuddle or a kiss because you know what he’ll try to turn it into. And he needs to understand that backing off on a Monday does not mean that you will become a raging nymphomaniac by the Wednesday. This is going to be a gradual thing and if he wants to keep his wife and family, he’s going to have to do the work with you.

Both parties in a marriage need to be happy with their sex lives. It’s not on to expect someone to live without sex and it’s not fair to expect someone to have sex if they don’t want to. I think maybe some counselling might work for you both here.

Yes I think it’s too much for you OP ! He shouldn’t be doing it as much as he is specially if you’re not in the mood !
I understand why it’s putting you off , too much of anything makes you not want it .

but but but , I wish I had this problem 😁mine is the opposite , he doesn’t hardly do any of this and I feel unwanted .

Behaviour like this isn’t always or only a sign of attraction. It can also be about power, control, and territory marking. Or a desperate need for validation stemming from insecurity.

As someone else said, this kind of behaviour is often an indication of a man who won’t like it when your body isn’t his alone. So it’s worrying that you’re posting now, because the behaviour has ramped up now you’re pregnant.

If you’ve told him and he doesn’t change then he’s showing he doesn’t respect you. It’s also surprising that he doesn’t see how desperate, unattractive and out of control it makes him appear. Or perhaps he doesn’t care about that - perhaps it is more about territory marking and taking up space in your head, rather than craving intimacy.

Makes me feel icky just reading it.

You need to sit him down and tell him what your written down here.

Fucking disgusting.
One here very grateful for being able to stop having sex at 42 and not give a crap.
🤢

Gross 🤢

tell him to grow up and stop, it’s sexual harassment and it sounds more like a control thing than anything else

That really awful OP, and as you've told him many times to stop and he still carries on, it just shows that he has no respect for you and he will never change.

I would be really worried about him pestering and pushing you too soon when you are recovering from the birth.

Will he still act like this with a child in the house? My ex did and it made me sick. I'm so happy he's an ex and I can now live in peace!

You need to be clear and firm communicating how his behaviour is making you feel, OP. He obviously doesn't get it.

Lose your shit. Why would you be grateful or initiate when he is constantly behaving like a dog humping your leg? He doesn’t give you the time or space to WANT to initiate anything or even feel like you exist for anything else. You can’t bloody move without being pawed at. He needs to learn that you are more than holes moving around for his immediate sexual gratification. There is a separate person there too.

High sex drive = normal

Constantly groping, flashing and pestering you = absolutely not bloody normal

Would you say that your interest has gone down?

It's very common and normal for that to happen with pregnancy, but lots of men (and women) don't realize this, they've been told it's a myth. They can tend to interpret it as a personal rejection. It may be he feels that he needs to really show his interest to compensate.

I'd try talking to him about it again. I'd be very specific about what bothers you, don't assume it's obvious to him because it's probably not. If being touched in general bothers you, (also common in pregnancy and breastfeeding) tell him that and that it;s not personal, but that the more it happens that way the more you feel you want to avoid it.

It also might be helpful if you could give him some other ways to express his affection, and let you know when he's interested, or times when it's ok to be affectionate or when you might invite sexual activity.

It can be difficult for men to understand that hormonal shifts can really affect how a woman feels about sex to such a huge degree. It's not their experience. (A lot of women don't get it either if they've never experienced it.)

This!

You will soon get to the point where you won't even want to touch him because his reaction to any affection always results in you having to rebuff him.

Tell him to grow up or he will wreck your marriage.

Of course its normal. Just be pleased he's not a joyless porn addict or has a weird hobby or one of the million other things wives complain of here, daily. Revel in his playful side, be please he grabs your arse when you're washing up, for he is still finding you sexy in the most mundane of activities.

I'd be very specific about what bothers you, don't assume it's obvious to him because it's probably not.

If it's not obvious to the OP's husband that continually flashing her, groping her, putting her hand on his genitals, dry-humping her from behind and texting her from work about what he wants is 'bothering her', especially when she has already told him, then I'd suggest he must have a learning difficulty.

Agreed with everyone else this is very disturbing. It can be confusing for OP because we often think if we love someone, and they say they love us, then special rules apply and we can’t or shouldn’t “deny” them what they say they “need.” That is why he frames this as a “high sex drive” because that makes it seem like a biological need and not a selfish want.

But sex snd sex drives don’t exist as a free floating uncontrollable biological necessity—like hunger or thirst. If a person is dying of thirst they will drink sea water. No one dies of sex drought and we do not think its ok for a man to assault men, women, children and animals in the street to satisfy their sex thirst. Even he doesn’t think that, or sct that way. He reserves his importunities and his attacks for yo. That means it is entirely under his control and a matter of choice.

Sit him down snd tell him that this constant groping and whining is killing your love for him and has clearly become pathological. He can control himself and focus on other ways of showing and feeling his love for you, or end up killing the marriage. If he can accept that this level of infantile need is a problem he can go to therspy to find out why he is using groping and pestering to feel ok. This is a stage of neediness he should have matured out of after toddlerhood.

It’s unpleasant and unacceptable to the OP so it isn’t normal. Sounds like he’s obsessed or addicted to sex, and needs help.

"Tell him this..." "Explain to him that..." "Sit him down and say..." I know these are well-meaning comments but the problem is not that he doesn't understand and just needs it explained to him in the 'right' way so he can miraculously stop abusing his wife.

She has told him she does not like it. He continues to do it. It is sexual assault.

OP, it might be a good idea to contact Women's Aid and get some advice about your next move. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Your husband is a sex pest, and a dirty filthy animal as well.
What's the difference between him and a flasher, sorry I would have no respect for him now.
if you decide to stay with this letch tell him in no certain circumstances he is not to behave in this way again.

You are not his property to touch whenever he wants.

Ask him, no tell him, to initiate with words if he wants to ask for intimacy because, unlike men who are not sex pests, he can't be trusted to respect your boundary.

If he won't respect you then the relationship is abusive and you should make plans to leave.

Well sure there is no point explaining something to a man whose way of life depends on his not understanding you. But OP is in a marriage snd pregnant. If she isn’t prepared to walk out of the relationship right this minute she has to try something in the way of negotiations.

Actually, he knows that if he were to behave like this with anyone else he would be arrested and jailed. I think this is very telling. His behaviour isn’t just unacceptable, it’s sinister.