Why do stories like this become all about the man?

[HoldingTheDoor]

This story of the paramedic who appeared on 999: On The Frontline who was found dead along side the body of a 22 year old mental health student nurse.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/clkygk383pdo.amp

Yet the majority of stories and tributes are about him and what a wonderful guy he supposedly was though it’s becoming evident that was not the case.

I’d say it’s because he’s appeared on TV but it feels like every time a story like this, and they occur with depressing regularity, happens the focus is almost always on the man and what a lovely special guy he was.

It’s as though women are merely emotional support humans for men.

Why would you assume a gas leak? There doesn't seem to any information released on how they died.

Why would you assume a gas leak? There doesn't seem to any information released on how they died.

Which is the point I was making.

You have lost me. Unless they were found in a smoking ruin a gas leak seems to be an odd thing to assume

No information apart from the fact that the police said it’s a murder investigation, I guess.

In the initial article, there were many tributes to the man involved and just one regarding the women, which simple said ‘she was no trouble’. The article has since been revised.

I posted the article as it was the latest version of the story not as a specific example of this though the BBC’s first version was certainly more Daniel centric. It’s a general phenomenon though that I and others have noticed, one which is discussed in the article I linked to earlier though Ryan and Luke Hart’s book covers it in more depth.

I’ll link to it again.

amp.theguardian.com/society/2017/jun/17/we-didnt-recognise-that-he-was-dangerous-our-father-killed-our-mother-and-sister

I'm open to your theory, but IMO it's more that articles tend to fixate on killers (and their morbid motives), and killers tend to be men.

Even when mothers have killed their children (quite frequent in fact), or women have killed other women, or women have killed children (eg Lucy Letby), I've noticed the articles barely gloss over their victims, and mostly focus on the killer women and dissecting their lives. This is especially so if the killer woman is white and middle-class.

In recent years, within mainstream media, there's been a movement to not give killers attention (e.g. by using victims' photos instead of killer's photos in headline articles). But this has been accompanied by the rise of True Crime where people love hearing about murderers' personality, lives, upbringing, motives, etc.

I honestly find it strange that people find it easier to believe that it was CO poisoning, a suicide pact, drugs overdose or any of the more outlandish theories that I’ve seen than the possibility that yet again a man has killed his partner/ex partner which happens approximately every 5 days

refuge.org.uk/what-is-domestic-abuse/the-facts/

Yes it’s always wise to leave a little room for doubt and unusual events do occur but I find it fascinating that even when police have said that they’ve launched a murder investigation and that they aren’t looking for anyone and that they’ve been referred to the IOPC due to previous contact and that it follows an all too typical pattern that it’s still easier to believe these possibilities than that another man has killed his female partner.

I do agree about true crime btw. I also find it troubling that the focus is so often on the killer and yes there are some attempts to change that but it’s still a real problem.

I remember at least 3 cases in Ireland that the man was the perpetrator and he was "a lovely man" "pillar of the community" "wouldn't hurt a fly" One of these men had murdered his 3 children and his wife. Makes me sick

Oh and while I’m on a rant can I mention how much I detest the media mining social media for “Happy family” pics of the victim(s) together with their murderer. It seems like an extra insult to continue to picture them together after their death(s).

I think a lot of it is for shock value. The media made a lot about how Lucy Letby was as gentle as a sheep, an angel, etc.

Just do a quick Google search – most headlines about mothers who kill (or even torture!) their kids / family use the words "overwhelmed", "erupted from the stress/tension" etc. Then you have lots of testimonies about how lovely and responsible and wonderful and all they are, and sometimes a whole bit about their traumatic upbringing.

I totally 100% believe in gender bias, but not in this case. I strongly believe female murderers are more kindly regarded and sympathised with in mainstream media (and even on Mumsnet) than male murderers. Especially white middle-class ones but also ones outside this demographic (eg I read a UK article earlier this week about a black foreigner murderer mum, quoting her about how she only killed her kids because she loved them so much)

I remember at least 3 cases in Ireland that the man was the perpetrator and he was "a lovely man" "pillar of the community" "wouldn't hurt a fly" One of these men had murdered his 3 children and his wife. Makes me sick

Yes. Clodagh Hawe and her murdered children have been on my mind all day as a classic example of this and the horror of her murderer being buried next to his victims.

I think the fact the police have referred themselves to their governing body suggests they’ve had recent contact with the couple, I expect it to come out there’s a history of DV.

Poor girl, 22 and had to live her short adult life in fear before being murdered by the person who is supposed to love and care for her.

The bbc link you posted does not substantiate your assertion. There are more tributes about the woman than him. The police referred themselves as clearly one of the victims had contacted the police about the other recently, which could be DV or mental health related. Seems like it was the woman but we don't know for sure.

I have never seen many/ any tributes to someone convicted of murder; the likely assumption that will be made with this story will be that it was his doing.

Your focus seems somewhat left field!

Yes, this horrible crime lead to the "her name is Clodagh" campaign recognising this awful phenomenon.

*edited because I don't know why I didn't use the proper word - it was a crime, not an event.

The other day the news reports were all about him, and absolutely nothing about Lauren.

I had a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach and tried to convince myself that I was perhaps being unfair. I don't think I was.

https://www.irishnews.com/opinion/columnists/2016/09/08/news/her-name-was-clodagh---she-was-a-victim-her-killer-was-not-684660/

Clodagh Hawe for anyone who isn’t familiar with the case or the language that was used around it. If anyone doubts this phenomenon.

I'm not that familiar with this tragic story. Presuming they were both found dead, and then they're saying a separate individual is on the loose who murdered them?
Or If not then I would assume one killed the other then themselves. It doesn't seem clear, or has it been explained?

Again I posted the article as it was the latest version of the story not as a specific example of this because it’s a general phenomenon though the BBC’s first version was certainly more focused on the male . Here it is. www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cye0nkdnp62o.amp

I think it's because he appeared on TV Channel 4 series 999: On the Frontline - hence given minor celebrity status.

I'm sure if she had been on Googlebox or Bake Off then she would have got more column inches.

This strange obsession with celebrity. I saw it reported elsewhere, which seemed to focus heavily that he'd been on TV.

I'm not that familiar with this tragic story. Presuming they were both found dead, and then they're saying a separate individual is on the loose who murdered them?
Or If not then I would assume one killed the other then themselves. It doesn't seem clear, or has it been explained?

They’ve launched a murder investigation and they have said aren’t looking for anyone else so no one else was involved and men are far more likely to murder their female partner than to be murdered by them. Now two police forces have referred themselves to the IOPC over previous contact with the deceased so it’s looking like an all too typical story of murder-suicide.

There is other evidence too but I’ll stick with what the police have said officially.

I'm sure if she had been on Googlebox or Bake Off then she would have got more column inches.

That doesn’t help of course but I’ve seen similar remarks many times in similar circumstances even when neither of the deceased had featured in the media.

Thank you for sharing the news article about Clodagh, It was a sobering read.

Mothers usually kill their DC because they can't bare to leave them with their abusive fathers when they commit suicide.