Holiday tomorrow and already feeling pretty anxious

[SkylarkDay]

As the title says, I struggle with holidays. Not so bad with a couple of nights in the UK but off to Italy tomorrow. I know I should realise how lucky I am but I’m not feeling it and just feel apprehensive and stressed. DH & DD (18) like travelling. I use to travel abroad an awful lot for work years ago, and now I’m in my 50s would prefer to stay home or do occasional nights away in the UK.

I find the pre-holiday packing, getting the house ready to leave and leaving the animals at cattery etc is unbelievably stressful. Managed to avoid them the last few years due to the pandemic and then our two very elderly dogs were too creaky to leave. Sadly lost both my dogs this last 6 months and not got any more yet.

Generally on holiday I miss all my home comforts, my proper comfortable bed and routine. Don’t like leaving my pets, husband has ADHD so each morning he wants a list of where/what we are doing, and I get no time alone to recharge. I’m pretty sensitive to crowded busy places too these days. From home I do love doing day trips and getting out to see/explore things, especially when we had the dogs as I love walking, but I generally like to come home at night, although odd nights at UK hotels/Airbnb is fine. The only time my husband and I ever argue is on holiday because although he’s great, he totally exhausts me!!

Just wondering if anyone else feels this. Everybody else I know seems to love going away so I feel a bit of a freak! 😕

I find the pre-holiday packing, getting the house ready to leave and leaving the animals at cattery etc is unbelievably stressful.
Are you doing all those things by yourself?

OP good for you for getting some boundaries/guard rails in place.

Maybe this is your opportunity to work out what you do like about holidays rather than what you don't.

Italy is so wonderful, amazing food.

I, like you, hate crowds and need a lot of decompression time from performing around people at work.

Finding a low key holiday type has been really important to me, one that gives me space and peace. (We have two teens so had to perfect the balance of holidays too)

Daughter organises herself. Husband does his in a very last minute cloud of chaos and stress. I have to check the house is ok as he gets distracted and would leave a window open etc (he has ADHD). I’m super organised and possibly a bit uptight, so we’re probably the worse combination together although we usually work around it ok as after 25 years of marriage we’ve come to understand each other. Doesn’t help the stress levels though. 🙄

I think I’ve found my people! I’ve never admitted this to anyone as it sounds so ridiculous . It’s a relief to know others feel this way.
I love looking back on holidays and the memories we make but am always happiest on the trip home!

Mn appears to be full of people who hate holidays, but feel compelled to go on them anyway. Just don’t go. I’m sure it’s no fun for the people going with you if you’re panicking about packing and catteries days before you go, and already fantasising about being home.

I’m the same and ironically have just returned from five days in Italy. I was dreading it as I hate leaving the cat! I really enjoyed it and once away relaxed. I hope you manage to have a lovely time and enjoy the food and gelato! x

Go with them, but they go on the trips, outings, day planned things and you stay in the hotel/villa and get your enjoyment there.

I think you should think about it a bit more from the point of view of your family who haven’t been abroad since pre Covid. They are overdue a holiday they are looking forward to. You may have private reservations but I would try to put on a brave face. Fake it til you make it because the holiday will undoubtedly be enjoyable in part, even for you. And a positive attitude could make a big difference to everyone’s ability to have a good time.

I get pre holiday anxiety but always enjoy the holiday, so it’s slightly different. Italy is amazing though, so I hope you’re able to enjoy some of it. I find Claire Weekes audiobooks great for,calming my anxiety pre holiday.

@Twiglets1 they have been abroad quite a few times together without me since covid, but want me to join them for this one, so this is what I’m doing especially as my daughter is off to Uni this autumn. I am putting on a brave face to them, but inside I feel like an anxious jelly!!

Oh thank goodness, I loathe holidays but have never said it out loud. DH is an outdoors activity type, wanting to be on the move all day sightseeing, but whilst I like to briefly visit lovely towns and cities and rural villages etc, the wandering around looking aimlessly into gift shops and sitting in tired cafes is unappealing to me. I have a particular hatred for museums and model villages. I do like a hot abroad holiday with plenty of laying by the pool reading, but DH would rather die and anyway he doesn't fly.

Ok - glad to hear that you are putting on a brave face for them as they obviously want to go on holiday with you as well.

I would say it’s common to have some anxieties before a holiday. Be aware of them but don’t let your fears overwhelm you. Try to focus instead on all the benefits of the holiday like spending quality time as a family, pleasing them by showing your happiness when you enjoy things. You will probably feel more relaxed when you are settled in your accommodation as the airport part is a bit stressful for most of us but is only a tiny part of the holiday experience. As is all the pre holiday planning although it doesn’t feel like it at the time.

Thank god, I'm exactly the same, largely due to bad things happening whilst on holidays in the past. I don't look forward to holidays and feel anxious about them. Whilst there I enjoy them but look forward to going home. Just got back from 2 weeks in the US and it was good. This time I got a housesitter to look after house and pets which really helped whilst I was away, although she didn't water my plants so a lot of them have died which I'm furious about! Hope you have a great holiday - they have the best ice creams in Italy 😀

Sorry about your dogs op.

Maybe this is the stress of holidays. Our idea of relaxing is totally different but when away with family it’s a compromise as we’re all pushed together doing the same thing and it’s a little intense. Holidays that I have enjoyed once there, have been hiking ones in Norway/Austria, where I’m out in the countryside all day and it’s not too busy. This is a city break so I’m already stressing slightly about crowds & the heat. I know I need to try and stop! 🙄

Hiking in Norway and Austria sound lovely, done both and definitely our type of holidays. A couple of years ago, since DS are older and no longer holiday with us, DH and I got a micro 2 person pop top caravan. We've been going away to scenic countryside in the UK on hiking trips. But have some comforts in there and have made it a little 'home from home'. I love it and like you prefer quiet holidays in countryside.

I agree with your DH and DD - one last us-three holiday before she goes to uni is a special event, especially as they've been together without you before and she's specially asked for your company. Focus on how lovely that is, the end of an era.

Do your own packing exactly as you like it, take your books, your music and anything you like to do to relax.

Let the other two adults sort themselves out. Tune out their chaos. They'll do it their way.

If as you say you are ND yourself, you have your own particular needs just as much as they do and they should respect them as you've been doing for them all these years.

Make it clear that for you a holiday is to relax. If he asks you what's the itinerary tell him exactly what YOU plan to do, and if that's chilling by the pool, exploring, whatever, say so. Then ask him what HIS itinerary is. It is not your job to plan their day. You don't have to spend every minute glued together especially if it's hot (my idea of hell, tbh). Maybe you'll find some plans in common, so do that together. Separate out for the bits you don't want to do. All come together for dinner in the evening, show photos and talk about your day.

Have a lovely trip. And leave early, if you're going on the train cos it's Sunday.

I love holidays once I'm there, but find the run up so anxiety inducing - which makes it so unpleasant

No tips I'm afraid, but you aren't alone!

I totally understand and hope you grab some moments for yourself during this holiday.

I have to say I always dread holidays too, it’s about day 3 of the holiday that I calm down and get into the rhythm of it, after all the stress building up to it.

However, this year we went on a ferry to France and I cannot even begin to explain the difference. I had the best holiday of my life ever. It was so stress free compared to flying, I actually enjoyed being away. I feel amazing after coming home!

I think this must be what other people feel on holidays all the time.

My advice is to try different types of holidays and see if you can find one that you actually like. It might be the flying that’s causing the stress to you.

All the best x

All those people who say they love their home, love their home comforts - what exactly do you mean? What is it you miss so much? What ‘home comforts’ are you meaning exactly? Genuinely curious!

i mean I love my home but I love holidays- my house is still gonna be there where I get back and travelling the world is like the best thing ever!

Or stop at home and don't spoil their holiday!

I think it’s more the routines. You know what you have and what to expect. The same smells.

I feel the same but I have young kids. We have a 7 day holiday booked for August. I already am looking forward to coming home.

Exactly so! With the covid situation and personal matters I've not been on a proper holiday for 5 years and can't wait to do something later in the year! Why is packing, getting the house ready to leave, putting the cat in the cattery so stressful, not being nasty just don't see what's stressful about it.

@Nevernottrying

thats really sad! Why are you desperate to get home?