Why did school mum do this?

[PsychIsMyFave]

Had an event yesterday for my sons school. We all got on so well and chatted and had a lovely time. At pick up today I said hi to one of the mums I really chatted loads to and she blanked me! I did or said nothing wrong, she is usually like this but I really thought we broke the ice yesterday and got along so well. She even hugged me as we left. Why does she now blank me? No weird topics or discussions were had, it was very light heated and jovial evening.

God I thought it was just me, obviously not reading these. I do notice that I attract narc types. So i created some distance and now don't say hi to anyone and keep myself to myself. It's much better that way. Some people are insecure, need the power or are just plain weird. Focus less on them more on you. I always think of the nice things I'm going to do later on. Some women can be really quite nasty.

This is me and my appalling facial recognition, Yes, I might have had a lovely chat on Sunday, but if you are wearing different clothing on Monday, I won't know who you are.

I have been known not to recognise my own children when they have changed clothing unexpectedly, or had a hair cut - face blindness. It is a nightmare!

PsychIsMyFave
Yes, but if someone says “hi, (name), how are u” and gets ignored that’s seriously messed up. It doesn’t take much just to smile and say “I’m fine, how are u”

I seem messed up, I’ll be thinking of a billion things and possibly watching out for my child and I’ll just be looking ahead.

Sometimes I have to tell myself to wake up but it’s just like my body is in shock and I’ve a huge checklist of things to navigate but one of those things is ‘make sure you acknowledge people’ and I’ve missed it.

The people who know me well know I have days and will literally handhold my way into a conversation. There’s autism and mh issues in my family and I will possibly find out I’ve a huge amount of things to be diagnosed but I have also a lot to think/ worry about/balance and I’m not just calling nd, I see it in parents at the school gate a lot, they’re juggling in their heads/ worrying/ in a hurry.

That’s why I always speak up on these threads, because the good jugglers will never get it, they can converse and be sociable and multitask and they’re thinking ‘she’s just a snooty cow, or she’s up herself, or how rude’. (In my opinion only, I could be totally wrong and I’m just a lunatic!!!)

I’m so sorry so many of you also feel like this. It is hurtful. Next week I’m going to focus on the nice mums as there are obviously lots of them but I get stuck on the rude ones! I’m just going to blank the rude ones from now on. I feel embarrassed everytime I cheerily say good morning to just be blanked! It’s embarrassing especially as other people can also see this happening. I think ignoring is best way. I’ll update end of next week. I think if you’re extra vulnerable like I’m feeling right now it affects you more which is really sad as it doesn’t take much to reply back with a “hi”. I hope someone reading this in the future can get some support from the positive messages and advice. I really do think not paying them attention and not dwelling on what you’ve done “wrong” is key here.

This doesn’t mean anything.

I am socially awkward, but I can look like I hold my own in a conversation just fine with people I know well; I’ve known a couple of mums for years.

I want to and am happy to get to know other school mums but it does bother me people may think I’m blanking them because I didn’t see them/recognise them/wasn’t paying attention etc.

It’s not all about you.

The one I was specifically talking about when I posted this has just messaged in group chat saying she’s enjoying the lovely sunshine and hope everyone is having a good Saturday! See she posts a lot on group chat, I give a love/like emoji as others do. Looking at this how can I not think she’s sociable and always get confused when I say hi but she blanks me and sneers at me. I’m sure people will jump on to say something about it being social media etc. but it’s like mixed messages - you think someone is very friendly but in RL they blank you! I would have prior to starting this thread replied with “enjoy your weekend x” or something like that.

Have you discounted entirely the suggestions that she simply didn’t recognise, see or hear you? It sounds just as likely as her intentionally blanking you after you’d had a nice conversation and hugged 24 hours earlier.

As I said above, I once constructed an entire imaginary scenario where I’d unknowingly offended someone with whom I’d had a long, cordial conversation because she subsequently blanked me for months, only to discover she was visually impaired and wouldn’t have been able to recognise me on the street.

Because we all would?

Who do you mean by 'we all'?

You don't get to speak for everyone.

Lots of people have said perhaps she didn't see or hear her.

They haven't jumped to the conclusion that it was all about the OP 😳

First thing in the morning? She may not even recognise you after the evening before or had a hard morning getting her child out the door. I wouldn’t take it personally some people are just not talkative on the school run

I had this with a nursery mum. We had had conversations and then at pick up and drop off she would acknowledge my daughter but completely blank me. I was baffled.

I'm still trying to figure out how these school pick up/drop off interactions work. Some people will say hello one day and not the next. It can be disheartening.

As other people have suggested though, it could be to do with the busy-ness and the various distractions going on on the school run. I'm also bad at recognising faces. Sometimes it takes me a while to properly recognise people. I'm also quite socially anxious so often feel as if I'm getting it wrong but I suppose a lot of it is down to what's going with those individuals and it's not about me at all. I'm fairly inoffensive on the whole, I think!

Also, as others have said, she may not have seen/heard you.

I have depression and have good days and bad days with it. Mornings are the hardest part of the day for me, especially if I haven’t slept well. Some mornings I’m fine and up for a chat, other days I can barely look at people. I know from experience this is common in people with mh problems. Maybe it’s something like that.
Or maybe she’s just rude. We’d need psychic abilities to be able to tell you. Maybe ask her?

I think it's best not to take it personally, whatever the reason.

I often don’t wear my contact lenses on the school run, so if it had been me, I wouldn’t have even known you were talking to me!

You’re fine! It seems like a simple misunderstanding.

I think there's two options and only you can really decide, its really a case of time will tell.
She's either unintentionally blanked you and perhaps will chat again next time you see her. I'd give her a second chance just out of sheer curiosity.

The ones who did the purposeful blanking at primary school were all about getting people to volunteer for roles at school events. During the event they were all charm as they wanted the head etc to see how popular/effective they were. The next day, event over, crickets.
I also had a previously very rude and notable blanker, swimming up to me in the pool lanes asking about a secondary school she was interested in. Couldn't have been more chummy as she deftly extracted info. Really annoying too as it was so transparent and I couldn't easily escape from the lanes. I was polite and told her what she wanted to know as it was no secret. She barely acknowledged me ever again. Some people are just like that.

Best thing is to dust it off and focus on people who are responsive.

I promise you..you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. I have experienced this and have even accidentally blanked people. It is pure social awkwardness/circumstance. I think sometimes people blank for the reason they’re just showing loyalty to someone they’re chatting with. Sounds bonkers but people can be!

I have been told I've done this a few times... I would NEVER, EVER do so on purpose!!
I can't see well at all without glasses and can't hear great either.
If she gave you a hug then surely she didn't hear you.