To dislike the tradition of baking your own birthday cake?

[Rizzo8]

I say this because I used to live in Spain where it was expected that you would bake your own cake.

Now I have a partner who does the same because he comes from a Nordic country where it's also the norm. We have discussed moving there and one of my main gripes is the thought of a lifetime of baking my own cake!

No matter how chaotic life is my birthday is one day where people spoil me with a nice meal/cake/event. I do the same for others
Essentially where I have to worry about nothing. Am I being a grumpy for thinking this way?

Erm… don’t you also provide your own cake/ snacks at your own birthday party in the UK too? I never realised there was a difference. Tho I suppose there are occasions when other people get you a surprise cake, like a leaving party.

I don’t think the entire country is the same. Maybe your DP’s family are very obsessed with baking. I’m from a Nordic country and I don’t know anyone who would have baked their own birthday cake. Everyone would buy one/ order a custom one in advance. You might bake other things like an apple pie but I can’t think of anyone from my youth that would have had a homemade birthday cake, unless they maybe really couldn’t afford one or lived in the deep forest with no bakery.

This.

Baking is not as big in Spain as it is here. Nobody I know has ever baked a birthday cake. We always buy it from the pasteleria

Attached a pic of the most popular birthday cake in Spain for generations. Probably not anymore, though :(

Haha I'm with you on this!! Just don't get why I need to fork out loads of money on my birthday to feed colleagues who I rarely interact with and wouldn't even know it was my birthday!

In my place (school) we have around 60 staff...that's a LOT of cake to provide! In fact it's got so bad now that 'the norm' has become a 'birthday buffet breakfast' provided by the 'birthday girl' (we are all women ). This includes fresh croissants, bread rolls, ham/salami/prosciutto etc, fresh fruit and danish pastries!! We are talking a minimum of £100 worth of 'continental breakfast buffet' to feed 60 🤦‍♀️😲

Plus...as much of this needs to be very fresh, the bloody 'birthday girl' has to get up VERY BLOODY EARLY to buy it all on the way in!

I neither partake nor provide these days. I don't even mention my birthday anymore...nobody actually cares (or knows ) so 🤷‍♀️

But you have just summed up one of the reasons why it's such a good idea.

If you don't want the fuss and hassle - you can just not do it. If someone else did it on your behalf then it would be impossible to avoid, and people could feel some sense of obligation to get involved in organising it for other people's birthdays.

If you do your own - and don't want to be involved in that kind of nonsense (I don't) - you just don't bring anything. Easy!!

This seems like a pretty strange hill to die on.

I have never congratulated someone other than the birthday person, on their birthday. It s custom in the Netherlands to congratulate the parents and immediate family of the birthday person. It’s just plain weird and I can’t get on board with the custom. Thankfully I am a Brit, not just any foreigner and thus my non participation in this custom is not questioned.

I've never baked a birthday cake.
For my birthday I buy one if I have family coming over. For my children's birthdays I buy them a cake.
Cakes for work are a thing. If you leave a team on your last day it's tradition to bring cakes. If you happen to mention it's your birthday at work then you are meant to bring in cakes eg doughnuts or something but not bake an actual cake.

Just buy one.

Never baked a cake in my life. And wouldn't regardless of where I was living. Can't think this is a big issue.

I don’t really like cake so I never have it on my birthday, whether I have baked it or someone/a shop has.

My birthday cake is one of the few times I haven't baked. These days, the kids (who, tbf, do occasionally make biscuits and flapjack) are tasked to make my cake. Previously DH made it. Most other weeks, I've made the cake.

Oh, same. Really weird. In fact, when I first started in the civil service, I didn't believe that was a real thing, so I didn't (to be fair, the colleague who.told me was a bit of an arse).

YABU to use “grumpy” as a noun

Most Spanish/Nordic/whatever people probably have lovely cosy memories of their parents or whoever helping them bake their Very Own Cake on their birthdays from young. You don't have those lovely associations so it just feels like a shitty chore to you.

Many UK traditions feel like a huge drag to me because I wasn't brought up here, and vice versa for my DH and my country's traditions (which warm my heart even to do alone!)

Actually that makes perfect sense to me! I always feel like parents (especially the mother) should be celebrated on birthdays as well for the birth, but I also understand sometimes people just want their own special day

@babadumm Many UK traditions feel like a huge drag to me

like what out of interest

I guess things like decorating the xmas tree, sunday roast, loads more... Maybe not uk traditions (I get the feeling you're trying to catch me out but maybe I'm being too cynical) but certainly things my DH's family / region do

I’ve never had a birthday cake since before I left school.

You don't want to move to a country because it has a tradition of cake baking?

It isn't expected that everyone has to make their own birthday cake in Spain! I have Spanish family and they don't feel obliged to make their own birthday cakes.
Maybe it was just a tradition where you were or in your group or friends or family?

We go out for a curry on Christmas Day

This.

I mean, whether you even have a cake; whether you buy it or bake it; if you do, who makes it; are all totally personal to you and your dp. That doesn't matter if you live in Spain, the UK, whichever Nordic country your dp is from, or somewhere else altogether.

I don’t understand what the cake is for? Are you expected to host a party? Will people pop round for cake throughout the day? Is it to eat after your dinner? Has it got candles on?

Even more than that I don’t understand why you don’t just say “it’s my birthday and I don’t want a cake”, or “where I’m from the cake is given as a gift, not made by the birthday person” or “I am going to buy a cake from a shop as per my own traditions”.

Buy one.

Rough it up a bit.

”Yes, of course I baked it”

There are so many cultures, within cultures, within cultures. Where I am in England, it's expected that a person takes a cake or something to work on one's own birthday. I've always thought that was crass, and I guess this is because my famiily did not follow that notion, so I just don't mark my birthday at work, which is fine. If this tradition was within my family... I guess I would just go without, that's ok. But here's what I do. I like a certain chocolate cake that a shop do really well. My partner buys it and I have a first slice on my birthday morning with a cup of strong black coffee. So, that's a long winded way of saying, find a way to have your fun OP!

I’ve got this situation and I live in the UK. No one brings / bakes or buys me a birthday cake. It’s actually completely fine! I hadn’t realised