I’ve name changed for this.
I came into some inheritance and I feel my mum believes she’s somewhat entitled to it for bringing me up on her own/she has nothing. There’s bit of a split in the family as some see my mum as poor old Susan, always had it hard, would be good for her to have a bit of luck. Where as DH said that she’s just lazy, expecting the world to fall at her feet, and since he’s said that I’ve been thinking…
I grew up in absolute poverty, hot water was only on just before sharing a bath (couple of times a week) or I’d boil the kettle for a wash. Our oven broke and wasn’t replaced for years, even before that, it was seen as a waste to have it on, even on Xmas. There were times I was genuinely hungry, I was definitely malnourished for a lot of those years. Sometimes my mum would have a ‘partner’ for a couple of years at a time and things would be slightly better. I remember 2008/2009 clearly as mum was single and we had nothing. I’d sell things on eBay that I had bought from charity shops so I could buy myself lunch at school. I’d quite often miss school as it was just too cold to get out of bed/being lethargic. I worked 20 hours a week from turning 16 and it all went on essentials for us both. When I went to uni everyone moaned how bad living conditions were but to me I thought it was amazing, at least we’d have the heating on when it was really cold and I had money to do a weekly shop!
My mum always said that she was only entitled to child benefit and Widows pension. That’s why we couldn’t have free school meals and because she had a mortgage we weren’t entitled to housing benefit. All of her benefits went on the mortgage which was around £300pm. She’d often say that we’d be better off in a council house but we were trapped where we was (even now I believe it was the right decision to stay in the house). Apparently she wasn’t entitled to income support and that’s what other support was based on.
Something just seems a bit fishy. Food banks weren’t introduced until the conservative government came into power. Surely mum would have bothered to apply for all the benefits she was entitled to? She has a lot of pride to the outside world, but surely she would have put that to the side to ensure that we weren’t living in that level of poverty. But, her ability to procrastinate from everything/find excuses why she couldn’t work/general laziness is something else.
She’s always hinting for money from us. Sometimes I do feel bad as I do remember that time and I wouldn’t have anyone live like that. She is better off now, she’s mortgage free and receiving her pension. She always talks as if she was a hero for getting us through that time. How hard she’s always had it but made it work. How much she had to sacrifice as a single mum and I should be thankful. Thankful and repay her for her struggles. It was the governments fault for not helping. She would occasionally have a part-time job, but they’d always be a reason why it wasn’t working out.
Looking at a fact sheet of benefits from 2008, the only non-means benefits she was entitled to was CB and WP at a total of £438. Minus the £300 for the mortgage, it sounds about right that we had £138 for the rest of the month she always had enough for cigarettes too.
If my inclination is right, that she didn’t even bother to apply for more benefits/pride stopped her from reaching out for help, I will have zero guilt for not paying for her to go on holiday. I do have little sympathy already because she should have stuck at a job but if she didn’t even bother with filling out some forms for benefits while I starved, I will call her out.