To worry he won't do it

[Pickingmyselfup]

I've left the husband in charge of applying for the kids passports, I do pretty much everything else so passed it to him so I had one less thing to do.

Holiday isn't until November so we have plenty of time but as far as I known he still hasn't done it. He's told me every time I remind him that he has it under control and to leave him to it but what if he doesn't do it??

I'm very much a control freak and he often forgets to do things like clean the bathroom when he said he would so I end up doing it. Part of me thinks I should just do it for him but the other part thinks he's a grown adult, he can do this for his own children. He manages to remember car insurances etc so he is capable.

However if he doesn't do it then there will be no holiday, no visit to my family and we will have lost the best part of £3K!

Should I just leave him to it??

I wouldn’t, I’d make sure he’d done it. Sometimes there’s a hold up and with a holiday booked there’s no point in waiting and hoping he’ll get it sorted. My husband is a terrible procrastinator and leaves everything to the last minute and I wouldn’t want to leave something so important for him to do.

I'd get some good insurance and leave him to it.

PS, he doesn't forget to clean the bathroom....

Honestly...just leave him to it. If he doesn't do it then he is responsible for the consequences. Sometimes people need a wake up call and if he forgets to do it then it's all on him to fix it.
If you're flying abroad then passport details will need to be entered for all travellers so do it the month before and ask him for the passports then. If he's forgotten then HE has time to sort it.

Introduce an artificial deadline - holiday company need details be end of August.

It's called "weaponised incompetence" and is a deliberate tactic which absolves them of being asked to do anything.

I mean, if he doesn't do it, you could still go and leave him with the kids but I understand that doesn't fill you with joy...
I'm a big fan of people getting natural consequences to things but when it's a trip like this I can see why you are anxious.
But then on the other hand - if he doesn't learn now, when he's a grown adult with kids, then you and the kids will be putting up with this his whole life. As you say, he can sort car insurance so he's perfectly capable of doing this.
Really tricky one. Could you say to him that you want the passports back by September?

Stop micromanaging him! If you want to do it then do it, if you want him to do it, let him. No reminders, no gentle nudges, no fake deadlines or other tricks.
I say this as a control freak myself and totally understand the urge to remind and worry, but honestly it’s just going to cause you both resentment. There is no point sharing out tasks with him if you’re still going to hold onto that task yourself.
He is an adult man. I expect he meets all his deadlines at work without your help.
If he fucks it up he will have to deal with the consequences.

This.

A grown man has said that he will apply for his own childrens' passports. He knows when the holiday is. OP has offered assistance, he has assured her it is in hand.

I don't think that dancing around creating false deadlines is necessary. Unless he has got some kind of extra special circumstances other than his male chromosomes, it's not your job to spend energy putting guard rails in for him.

Does he do that for you? Hover behind you making sure you don't need any help with the adulting? Thought not.

There are two outcomes here, one where he does it and all is well. The other where he doesn't, and he will feel the natural consequences when he is at home staring into the freezer and wondering what to make his DC for tea and lying in a dirty bath that he forgot to clean, while you're on a sun lounger wondering why you married him in the first place.

Of all the things you leave him to do why this one?!

Let him do something else

However if he doesn't do it then there will be no holiday, no visit to my family

Do you think he would have done it by now remember if it wasn't your family you're visiting?

Are they first passports or renewals?

If he cocks it up it's not just him who suffers consequences, it's also the kids, who won't get to go on holiday (which presumably they're looking forward to), through no fault of their own.

And no travel insurance will pay out because passports weren't sorted on time.

No he would be just the same if it was something just for him.

Insurance won’t pay out for something that’s your own stupid fault - like not applying for passports.

Because he's also half responsible for the kids, an adult and it's important so I figure he should be able to do it.

It's very difficult because I did all of the holiday research and booking, sorted my passports and reminded him to take the kids for their photos (which he has done) I'm so used to being in charge but it's also why I needed him to do it, I have all of the school stuff to remember as well as my own stuff so I wanted one less thing to organise.

Leave it with him, it's his issue - and take the trip alone if he hasn't sorted it

There have to be consequences for his shit behaviour

If you have reason not to trust he'll do it, I'd do it myself and make sure he does something equally or more time consuming instead. Equal division of labour is important, but it's worth playing to your strengths. I'd think the control freak would be better suited to a job like passports than the forgetful one.

@GoldDuster it's not about putting 'guard rails' around him for HIS sake, it's about making sure her children can go on their holiday!

@Pickingmyselfup with a DH like yours, it's not the job I'd be delegating. I'm way too much of a control freak for that. It wouldn't be worth my stress.

with my current partner, he'd put it in his diary and it would be done by next Friday though he'd whinge about it - not about having to be the one to do it, but about the process. He's a bit of a grumpy bugger. Though previous one was more 'sunny' but would 'forget' stuff.

if only you could pick & chose the bits you want I'd have the perfect man by now!!

Out of all the jobs to have given to someone who is a bit useless, it wouldnt have been passports. It's up to you whether you're happy to risk him and the kids not being there. If you're ok to go alone, leave him to it.

How long ago did you ask him to do it?

Does any insurance cover, “didn’t bother to check passport”? I doubt it!!

Totally agree on your second point!

I would make a date in my mind whereby if it wasn't done, I would either be a) badgering him every single day to pull his goddamn finger out; or b) doing it for him.

Only you know which is the most appropriate. DH and I tend to do these things together, so we both have awareness (in our case it means I do the forms as he's dyslexic as fuck and might spell his own name wrong!) but then he might go and get someone to sign the photos, or take them to the PO to post them.

@AmelieTaylor interesting, they're her children, or their children?

@Testina fair enough, I'm no holiday insurance expert and don't bother with it because I presume they will find an excuse not to pay out, so not being arsed to get the kids their passports would certainly be on that list of reasons not to pay!

He's not going to do it because he knows you will. Call his bluff, accept the consequences will be a huge loss, and benefit from them within your day to day life. Unless you stop rescuing him, he will always expect it.

Yes, exactly.