Quick fixes to feel better about myself as an exhausted mum

[GingerKombucha]

I've got a toddler and a 4 month old baby, I work full time, the baby still feeds about 4 times a night and I'm generally exhausted. I've just turned 40 but feel like I've aged a decade in terms of looks and energy. I feel old, fat, tired and unattractive.

I feel like I never have time to myself as although both children are usually asleep by 8, 8.30 at the worst, I’m so exhausted I pretty much just order takeaway or cook something quick and go straight to bed.

We have a cleaner so the house isn’t dirty but I don’t feel on top of it, lots of decluttering needs to happen and it feels a bit chaotic and messy.

Does anyone have any quick fixes to feel better about myself, my appearance, my house or general energy levels? I could probably carve out 30 mins in the evening or morning to do something to help improve one of these but it would have to be at home.

With 30 mins a day I’d do a 30 day yoga challenge. Exercise so you will feel and look better but gentle enough that it doesn’t feel arduous. I usually do it in the morning still in my PJs - literally roll out of bed and stick my laptop on.

What about food delivery boxes? Like hello fresh etc? That way you can choose some healthy meals that you’d maybe not have thought of / avoid too many takeaways. As nice as quick food is, it definitely doesn’t make me feel good!
I’ve recently started getting up about half an hour before my toddler wakes and I do a quick YouTube work out video - nothing too strenuous, but it helps me feel like I’m doing something for myself and hopefully I’ll be more toned at some point. I also find I have more energy in the morning rather than waking and straight away attending to my son. It gives me a chance to properly wake up first.
In the evening a bath helps me feel better!

I think the first step is working out which one of those will give you the biggest boost and therefore will help you with the other things.
For me, my default is chocolate and a good book (so helping energy levels short term) but I know what makes me feel mentally better is feeling useful. So in those 30 mins I might tidy/declutter one drawer or cupboard or something then I'll feel like I have achieved something and feel more able to do more another day.

Sadly not, just the nature of my role is there is no flexibility.

This is a very good idea, I've wanted to do something like this but struggled with the motivation but I might just have to force myself into it.

I love a bath, a bath when the kids go to bed might be a good idea. Funnnily enough, we started a food box a few weeks ago (Mindful Chef) and it's great though I'm usually home alone 2-3 evenings a week and I definitely couldn't be bothered doing it for just one.

I like the idea of trying to do tiny things, that feels more acheivable than looking at the whole mess and not knowing where to begin. I WFH twice a week and my office has becoming a dumping ground for baby crap which I find depressing to work in, I'll try and sort one corner of it today rather than the whole room.

I'm in this stage too with an 18 month old and a 7 year old step daughter, a busy job and really busy life. Everything feels tiring and never ending. The 2 things that make the biggest difference for me are exercise and time away from the house. It's tough when you work from home as you're surrounded by the chaos all the time so I highly recommend getting out at lunch time - to a pub, cafe, for a stroll around the shops, or whatever you like. Exercise can be done at home. I use Les mills online but there are plenty of freebie options too. My toddler loves copying me and joining in. I also make sure I get out to the gym twice a week for an hour of me time. Appreciate that might not be do-able but it's been a game changer for me.

For energy getting outside (even in the rain) is great. Make sure you're taking your post pregnancy vitamins too as 4 months is really not long! And drink as much water as you can :)

Yoga with Adrienne is a sweet channel on YouTube.

I remember those days! Fitness and health is my business so the quickest fixes if you don't do this already is: berocca in morning, mild probiotic, then in evening, a good multimineral and an omega supplement. Both are very good for general health but also increase sleep quality. Make sure you get good magnesium too (great for emotions, sleep, nerve function) and calcium (not only good for bones but notably helps fat loss too). Lots of water, deep breathing daily (even a minute helps, but if can ,find 5-10 even better, the results are incredible).

The stress and overwhelm you are under and post preg hormones can create havoc on vits and mineral levels so this approach can really help.

Get outside whenever you can, obviously exercise is great but I know it's hard and you already have a million demands on your time. If you can push the pram round a park for a bit, that's great exercise. If you have room for an exercise bike or small elliptical at home it's an utter lifesaver, no gym membership needed, just hop on when you can and it can change so much. Doesn't have to be a posh expensive one.

Do you have a partner? Where is the kids' dad?

Anyone would feel utterly exhausted working full time with a four month old and toddler. If you can carve out an extra thirty minutes a day, I'd be using it to sleep. Sod the house and your looks for now...fgs sleep!

Tey batch cooking for the nights you're eating alone. Having single portions of chicken and veg / tomato /minestrone soup in the freezer that you can whack in the microwave while putting the little ones down will be an easy win. Even better if you can get some decent wholemeal soda/seeded bread or similar to have with it. I slice the loaf before freezing so it's easy to defrost a slice or two as you need them. Also, as above, a bath and an early night if you can. And be kind to yourself, you have a lot on your plate right now.

Will definitely try the supplements you've advised, if it helps even the smallest bit, it'll be worth it.

Absolutely fuck batch cooking - get yourself down M&S or whatever and get a decent ready meal or two for the nights you're by yourself. Do not waste what limited time you have bloody batch cooking.

Where's your partner in all this? Does s/he only have 30 minutes a night to themselves as well? If not, they need to up their game - all decluttering, childcare, household chores etc does not fall on your shoulders alone.

If you've the annual leave spare, I'd take the week off together and blitz the house. Be vicious, no piles of crap waiting to go into the car to eventually maybe make it to a charity shop. Charity shop that week, or it goes in the bin. Hire a skip if you need it, or book a tip run. If the clutter is really getting you down this might make a big difference.

Yes to exercise. Doesn't have to be a lot, even just a wee walk is good for your mental health, or 30 mins stretching, or anything at all. BUT do it for the endorphins, not as another stick to beat yourself with if you're just too knackered. Exercise is a privilege, not a punishment.

Streamline everything - online food shopping, who cares if it's the same things every week, long as there's food in. 'Dump' baskets all over the house, and on the stairs - they contain the clutter and make it look tidier, you can corale them once a week. A darks and lights laundry basket = no sorting, just shove it in when one fills up. Fuck ironing, hang it up in the bathroom while you shower. If you can amazon prime it and avoid a trip to the shops, do so.

Looks wise - high maintenance to be low maintanance. Exfoliate body 1x per week, decent moisturiser. Gel nails (if you like them, otherwise just file etc at home). Isle of Paradise 30 min fake tan if you hate feeling pale. Learn one hair - up style that isn't just a mum bun (loads on youtube). All these things make me feel better and a bit more polished when I feel like a frazzled mess.

But sorting out my partner pulling their weight and the exercise would be my priorities if I had to pick one!

Or just buy a tub of soup and save yourself the bother.

So I'd set small challenges
Week 1. Take your vitamins, and drink 2l water per day
Week 2: as above and add in some healthy ready meals e.g. frozen mindful chef meals/cook etc
Week 3. As above but add a green smoothie/juice per day
Week 4: as above and a 10min yoga session 3-4 times a week

Week 5: book in a self care treatment e.g. eyebrow wax/manicure as a monthly thing (something for you that's away from the house and kids and makes you feel good)

Etc etc

There’s loads of great ideas here - some of which I’ll probably borrow myself.

I totally understand what you mean about office baby clutter dragging you down! If you’re time poor and have the cash, then how about getting a declutterring person in for a couple of hours a month? They can help you with a plan/system as well as the actual sorting stuff out. Or you could try my temporary fix of hiding it under a big blanket!

Seriously though, full time work with a 4m old is bloody incredible, give yourself a big pat on the back because you’re doing heck of a lot.

I love this idea of one small challenge a week - seems so much more manageable. I think I'll try vitamins, water and cleansing and moisturising at least once a day for week 1.

Lots of other very useful suggestions. I desparately want to exercise but I think I need another few weeks of getting into a routine until that's realistic. In 7 weeks, she'll be 6 months and I'm going to stop breastfeeding then so I'm hoping I can use the time I spend expressing at work / when working from home for a very short run or something. Might see if I can get 10 mins of yoga in the evening or morning before then though.

When I was overwhelmed, over-busy at work and exhusted, my 30 minutes was spent like this:

Days 1-5: 10 minutes of very quick short healthful things:

1. 5 minutes of deep slow breathing
2. 3 minutes of alternating - 30 seconds each - calf exercises (rising on your toes) and arm exercises (kitchen counter press-ups)
3. 2 minutes of laughter yoga

Followed by 20 minutes of decluttering. I called it my daily drawers. Sort as you go into recycling, charity shop, chuck it out

Day 6: take the previous 5 days of decluttered stuff to the appropriate places (this will also get you out of the house)

Day 7: rest.
Do something FOR you. Anything that helps you feel better about the coming week. Cut your toenails. Do a food plan or your online grocery shop. Call a friend just for a chat. Write a poem.

Calm app

Meal prep low carb high veg high protein meals to lose weight.

Experiment with new make up.

Do 'the artist's way' programme

Go for a walk

Go for a coffee and just enjoy the silence

Having a fitness challenge works for me. Achieving something that seemed hard gives me a self esteem boost and a reason to force myself to work out/ run.

If you WFH are you ever on calls not on video? When that happens I do wall squats 30 seconds x 3 and I plank 30 seconds x 3

If I'm not wFH I do the above whilst brushing my teeth, taking makeup off etc

My life is insanity, lone parent for 15 years and work full time in a senior position. So I grab whatever time I can.

Other tip, no caffeine after 10am water only. Massive difference to my tiredness levels and skin.

Protein, buy in cooked chicken, ham, chorizo, ready made guacamole, salads, pickles, beetroot jar etc for healthy grab lunches/dinners (on snackajacks rice cakes)

Buy a big box off Amazon of the lentil crisps, better than potato crisps.

I can't stand Hello Fresh, too much faff and packaging.

Oven baked risotto, or any other short cut dinners for when you and partner are around.

Take a big dose of magnesium glycinate before bed.