To think 2 year olds are bloody awful

[Liverpoolgirl50]

Just that really. I’m being driven to the edge of insanity.

Just turned 2 year old DD can be lovely, truly. Lots of kisses and cuddles and when she’s sweet she’s a darling, but 90% of the time is whinging, crying, refusing to put on shoes, acting like I’ve murdered her when I brush her hair, running away from me, throwing god almighty strops. Nursery say she is ‘quite emotional’ and she does have BIG feelings.

How normal is this? I am trying my bloody hardest to be a calm but fair parent. I give her 5 minutes in calm down time when she goes off on one, I kneel down and try and speak to her to explain that we need to do suncream/shoes to get to the fun part. She’s just pushing me to my limits and sometimes I get so frustrated I have to walk away.

Ugh.

Yep, small children are arseholes! They get a bit more reasonable by about 5/6. I’m joking (ish) before anyone gets all in a fankle. I’m sorry OP, it’s hard. Normal, but hard.

Ah, thank you. As long as I’m not the only one drowning, haha. She was a really high needs baby and I thought at some point it would get slightly easier but now she’s just a hard work toddler and I genuinely don’t understand how people go on to have another.

It is normal in my experience. Sometimes I feel like I’ve climbed a mountain just trying to get us out of the house.

Yes it's difficult. She has big emotions and because she doesn't understand cause and effect as a future concept the things she needs to do make no sense to her. Likewise any rules you have for her appear utterly arbitrary and capricious and are a source of frustration to her. She can climb on the climbing frame : why the fuck can't she climb up the kitchen cupboard?

Other people's emotions and motivations don't figure at all so she won't restrain herself because of them. Pretty much all she has any notion of is herself and what's immediately around her. However, she does live in a world surrounded by other people and full of things to do so there's potential immediate conflict at every turn.

It is exhausting because you're dealing with someone you love who is irrational and hell bent on what looks to you like unending sabotage but honestly don't take it personally because it's not. She has a different agenda from you is all, one that is completely in line with her own personal development. Sometimes that means you won't get stuff done that you want to do or it will go differently than you'd planned. That's ok, as long as the important things happen as they should.

I think there is this description of that age: Terrible Two 😁

Does she talk?

I call them turdlers. My two year old is very annoying at the moment!

A lot of ignoring. ‘Mummy will listen to you when you use your words. Right now I don’t understand you’. And carry on.
’Ok, no suncream. No park’ and carry on

I wonder how long it will be before the ‘maybe she is ND army comes out’

they're not big emotions - that phrase is so cringy. they're just being dicks.

seriously, can you imagine being treated this way by a partner, a colleague, a friend or sibling? you'd just walk away. they're just being awful.

but it DOES pass. it DOES get better. and then you'll sometimes look back at all the dickish things they did (like refuse to go out of the house with clothes on in winter without a massive fight...) and smile. it just takes a few years to get there.

sorry OP. but hang in there! they do get nicer/better, and there's a little heart of gold waiting to pop out. it'll show itself more and more.

Thanks everyone, I appreciate your words of support and wisdom!

She has a word for mostly everything, although isn’t quite stringing sentences together yet. However lately her words seem to have been replaced with an annoying ‘ehhh’ when she wants something and I have been saying ‘I don’t understand, can you use your words?’ And she will eventually say ‘drink please’ but why WHY couldn’t you say that the first time 😂

I did have concerns at one point about ND but honestly she doesn’t meet any of the criteria, she’s just bloody angry a lot of the time. Probably because she knows exactly what she wants and can’t communicate it yet.

I've got two 2 year olds and a 4 year old currently and on my knees 😂😂😂

Yup, 22 month old DD here and I completely feel you re the constant meltdowns and tantrums and even the 'ehhh' when she can clearly say what she wants but chooses not to until I ignore her and she gets fed up and FINALLY uses her words.

It's bloody exhausting and days like today when I'm at work and she's at nursery are a nice break!

Mum of 2.5 yr old here 🤚. He goes into a blind rage about almost everything these days.

Yep 2 year olds are arseholes. I’d love to say it gets better, but my almost 7 year old is a total pain in the backside. I do hear lots say ‘8 is great’, here’s hoping.

I have 3 older children and a 2.5 year old. He's a complete arsehole. Absolutely nothing is ever remotely fun or easy going. Lots and lots of screaming and whining. Lots of me sat with my head in my hands, surrounded by mess and destruction, wondering why I bothered doing anything nice. Lots of random flying headbutts, food launching and general twattery.

Luckily for me I've been here 3 times before so I'm safe in the knowledge it passes and gets much easier and more fun... eventually hang in there!

I'm sure the reason toddlers are so cute is because it's the only thing they have going for them most of the time. We'd be giving them all back otherwise.

I'm sure you're describing my daughter. I feel your pain.
Mine is frustrated about not being able to tell me exactly what she wants, her speech is a little behind.
But also she is a determined young lady who knows exactly what she wants and when she wants it. She does not take no for an answer haha! I repeatedly say that although this is challenging she won't be a push over when she's older, and I'm sure she'll either be a CEO or a gang leader. Haven't quite decided which quite yet.

The only thing that works at the moment is giving two options, brush or comb? Orange or apple? She feels a bit more in control.
I also repeatedly remind her to use her words (instead of whinging or shouting).

Definitely helping but a long way to go...

Have a glass of wine a the end of every day to reward yourself for surviving your daughter. We love dearly, but they were sent to challenge us.

Thanks so much everyone, I needed to read these today. I had a drink in the garden after she went to bed and celebrated surviving another day!

Yup,there is no respite! Xx

I truly think the naughtiest/trickiest kids turn in to the most fun and charismatic people. My DD was a horror and now she’s (mainly) delightful.
Hang in there. It changes in tiny increments but at some point that will turn into a big
change.

My dd2 was an absolute horror at 2. The tantrums were epic. She is now 14 and completely and utterly delightful. It really does pass.

I look at pictures of mine when she was 2 and she looks bloody adorable but I can’t remember that age, I assume I’ve just blocked it out. They are maximal energy, minimal reasonableness and common sense. It will get better.

I remember being on mums et when mine was this age scouring threads for help. Basically keep the boundaries and they will grow out of it (the boundaries seem pointless but they are super important even if they don’t seem like they are working at this point). It’s a slog though, you have my sympathy.

No advice only solidarity here! 2.5yo twins. They are tough atm. Got on holiday yesterday and went for a walk. One doesn't want to walk cue a ton of screaming the whole way. That starts the other off. Constantly tey are pulling at things/playing with doors (I worry they'll trap each others fingers) fighting etc... gargh. One day we'll be looking back saying how cute they are though 😆 but it is hard atm!! X

Toddlers and teens are similar

Had three under 5 for a few years

if their behaviour is a bit difficult I thought they were trying to tell me something

don’t sweat the small stuff

now 20/17/15…..when they can talk it’s a bit harder 😆

be kind to yourself you are really in the deep end