To think 2 year olds are bloody awful

[Liverpoolgirl50]

Just that really. I’m being driven to the edge of insanity.

Just turned 2 year old DD can be lovely, truly. Lots of kisses and cuddles and when she’s sweet she’s a darling, but 90% of the time is whinging, crying, refusing to put on shoes, acting like I’ve murdered her when I brush her hair, running away from me, throwing god almighty strops. Nursery say she is ‘quite emotional’ and she does have BIG feelings.

How normal is this? I am trying my bloody hardest to be a calm but fair parent. I give her 5 minutes in calm down time when she goes off on one, I kneel down and try and speak to her to explain that we need to do suncream/shoes to get to the fun part. She’s just pushing me to my limits and sometimes I get so frustrated I have to walk away.

Ugh.

I had an ikea potty step thrown at me yesterday in a tantrum. The crying, whinging and lashing out is so irritating! And because I had such a lovely DD I was truly unprepared for the realities of having a two year old. Sigh.

Agree about the cuteness. They have evolved to be that way for a reason.

My first had a few minor tantrums at 2, I patted myself on the back for getting through the few screaming tantrums. My second had zero tantrums, no jacket/shoe refusals, a perfect child. I nearly lost my sanity with my third, full on screaming tantrums in shops. I remember her picking up a magazine and being told no so she chose to lie down on the floor kicking, screaming and shouting “bad mummy” at me. The other two looked on horrified. It was endless for a year and I remember calling my DH one day to come and get her because at that point I wasn’t parenting her any more (and I mean’t in that call for the rest of her life). I won’t mention her teenage years as I may scare you.. I’m happy to say she’s turned out to be the most amazing person now in her 20s and doesn’t lie down in shops any more, wears shoes without a complaint but the jackets when it’s cold are still an issue 😂

2 year olds are little terrors, think that’s normal behaviour. I’ve noticed an improvement after potty training at 2.5yrs. Perhaps gaining some independence has helped.

Mine was horrific today too 😂 he has developed a very annoying habit of going completely floppy when trying to dress him/undress him and thinks he’s hilarious…I know we are meant to be encouraging independence when dressing but no idea how to do this when he has no interest in putting on his clothes and just runs away 🙄🙄

My first DD was fine at 2, almost no tantrums. It was during the pandemic and I think we just didn't have many situations to trigger any, eg having to share toys or having to leave a playground or soft play. DD2 is 2.5 and has been pretty easy going so far, it helps that both have had good early communication and could tell.me what they want, and I just never took them to some places like shops and don't enforce some things like putting coat and shoes on.

Awful but so adorable!! Take lots of pics and vids!

DD1 was a high needs baby and hell on wheels as a toddler. Full days at preschool once the 30 hours kicked in calmed her right down, and now she’s angelic in her reception class. Does still now at 5 throw strops at home but is much easier to deal with; think she just needed her brain to be worn out a bit more; she’s pretty bright by all accounts. She goes back to being seriously high needs in the holidays!

DD2 was a pretty easy baby, albeit a non sleeper, and is a pretty good almost 3 year old. Not fussed about preschool and much prefers pottering around with the grandparents while we’re at work. So if you did want a second, you’re always guaranteed the same experience.

FYI, alcohol really helps in the 0-3 stage.

“they're not big emotions - that phrase is so cringy. they're just being dicks.
seriously, can you imagine being treated this way by a partner, a colleague, a friend or sibling? you'd just walk away. they're just being awful”

I literally cannot believe I’ve read this, especially on a parenting site. Of course they’re big and scary emotions for a tiny child! How can you even think a two year old is ‘being a dick? As though they have a choice in how they’re behaving and have had years to learn to regulate their emotions? How could you possibly expect a two year old to ‘treat you’ like a colleague or any other adult?!

Are you aware a human’s prefrontal cortex isn’t fully developed until mid-20s? It starts to mature at adolescence then becomes fully developed at age 23-25. To expect any child let alone a toddler to treat you like an adult and not have meltdowns is incredulous.

Almost 8 months pregnant with a previously delightful 22 month old who has now fully embraced tantrumhood (alongside constant teething troubles, bestowing Covid via snotty kisses on us all and last night puking up all over his newly changed massive, expensive floor bed, no doubt from the refusal to stop sampling the "tasty water" from the paddling pool, tuff tray, anything but his bottle etc).

Can I thank @everyone for these posts. Along with half a pack of bicsuits this sleep deprived morning you're keeping me sane and making me feel in good company!

They should use 2 year olds for torture. Spend 24 hours locked in a room with one and you will give up any information you have.

I think a lot of it is language development. As they get better at understanding what you are saying and how to express what they want it does get better. We have a bilingual family so that made it even tougher because it’s trying to communicate in 2 languages. Dr Becky at Good Inside is good on instagram for this sort of stuff.

It’s just a phase, it’s just a phase, it’s just a phase - repeats foreverrrrrrrrr!

Also - write down the stupid reasons they have tantrums - there is humour in having a complete meltdown because “my biscuit broke” or what have you.

Two is a hard age!

There's no point explaining anything to a just turned 2 year old. Just tell them you are going to do something and then do it. Or decide not to fight that battle.
They get better if you are consistent in enforcing things immediately rather than waiting for them to cooperate while begging them in a despairing tone or making useless threats about not going to the activity.
Also it will get better in about 6-12 months so hang in there

Dd4 was a great 2 year old. Dd2 was not.

Dd4 has seen dd2 behaviour now and decided 'wow I wasn't like that, now I must copy her'.
2 kids now acting like screaming, angry gremlins. At least the littlest gremlin is small enough to lift up and remove from the situation. The oldest is all arms and legs , it's like battling an angry octopus.

I'm with you OP, DD's (2) tantrums today have been:
I opened the curtains
I didn't give her more cereal when she still had a full bowl
We got post
There was another child playing with the balls at soft play
I give her watermelon after she repeatedly asked for watermelon
🤷🏼‍♀️

Those sayinfnit gets better at 5/6. I'd say i've seen an improvement sonewhat at 3.5. Easier to reason with (to an extent) and negotiate for what you need!

Keeping calm does help. Also took me a while to understand that when they're in full meltdown mode you won't get anywhere talking or explaining to them until they've calmed down.

We developed a truce system. She'd have a meltdown. We sat on the floor and say mummy/daddy is here if you'd like a hug. And sat there. Sometimes it would take 10 minutes of meltdown but she'd come to us eventually and have a cuddle and calm down. Then i'd explain why we needed to do x y z. After a while the truce time came down to minutes or less most of the time. Now we don't tend to need it as much. She'll cry over something stupid and then go ' i need a cuddle' and calms down (usually).

The early years are HARD. Especially with an emotional strong willed child. But at 3.5 i do actually quite like her. Shes sweet and funny more often than not and you get some nice conversations.

Why do you find it necessary to swear to make your point??

Mine had a tantrum as someone else pressed the traffic light button. 🤣👍

Oh I dont know. I used to find DS's toddler behaviour hilarious. He looked so angelic with his curly blond hair and sweet face you'd never think he could behave so badly.
Mind you I was a very young mum only 21, I. Not aure Id find it so funny now.

Are you validating her feelings and empathising with her? Or just telling her to stop being silly or similar?

I found at 2 DD was quite agreeable and always wanted to help, it's now she's 3 that I'm getting a lot of "no" chucking stuff on the floor like puzzles/food/cards and a lot of upset when I'm having to say no, resulting in her trying to hit me which she never did at 2

I've really been finding 3 a lot harder personally, but then I don't find it difficult to empathise when she's upset about something that might seem small to me but is a big deal to her, I know some people find that sort of thing triggering

@Ilikeadrink14

why do you feel you're entitled to police other posters posts?

clue: you're not Myob

@SamanthaAlright

Wtaf there are actual people who think like this

Read a book

So there really isnt a way to stop 2 yr olds trying to be mini dictators, but it can help if you remember that you cant negotiate with a dictator. So reasonable explanations and giving lots of options just will drive you more crazy not them!

Two choices only, and put the one you would prefer last

Start teaching them about when there is a ‘choice’ or ‘not a choice’ situation. And never give in when its ‘not a choice’

Try and use a quiet voice and short sentences. One or two step directions only ‘get your socks from the pile and put them on’ not ‘put your socks and shoes on, get your school bag and hurry up or we will be late for school..and where did I put my keys’

Never give in to a tantrum, although once the peak has passed you might be able to bring them round quicker with a distraction..’did you see that red dog? Its just over there, oh no you missed it, maybe next time…let go and get in the car…’

@Liverpoolgirl50

Probably because she knows exactly what she wants and can’t communicate it yet

you said it yourself. The kindest thing you can do for yourself is to develop her communication, whether that's words or signs. Help her find words for emotions.

'this too shall psss' lots of people find that annoying, but it saved my sanity.

Also it's very true that the days are long but the years are short. Take lots of photos/videos & make notes. Believe it or not, one day you'll look back on it (with rose tinted glasses) and wish you could turn the clock back!!

in the meantime there's bedtime bubbles. For you, not her!!

I think as a society we expect so much of 2 year olds but they are babies! They have been on this planet for such a short time. Imagine communicating with a babe in arms the way some people talk to 2 year olds but there’s very little difference in age. In fact, we expect too much of young children generally.